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non-indian older woman + indian younger man

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by cyan45, May 25, 2013.

  1. peacetips

    peacetips Silver IL'ite

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    If it is no big deal for you to wait and find out, perhaps that is the best way!
     
  2. RadiantFlower

    RadiantFlower Platinum IL'ite

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    Just to let you know, I am rooting for the OP.

    Her boyfriend has to introduce her to his family soon, get their blessings and when the time comes make her his bride. How could that be so difficult?

    If he can defy his traditional Indian cultural upbringing and 'date' her, surely he can do the honourable thingy too and make it official before his family back home - no?
    Need I remind you that her Indian boyfriend is an adult male who is currently abroad doing a Phd.

    Are you hinting that in all probability - he's going to dump the OP, instead of growing a spine and standing up for her against his family?

    I hope not, for the OP's sake I would be very much disappointed. :-(
     
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  3. peacetips

    peacetips Silver IL'ite

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    Although, I do not want to assume and project into the future, what I am getting here at is how many Indian brides would be happy to marry a guy with this history? It is another thing if this info will come out upfront.
     
  4. peacetips

    peacetips Silver IL'ite

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    As I said, if what you suggest happens, it is all good. The question here is, he is an adult 'male' to have a gf, however for marriage, would he be one? And from what goes on in the US with Indian men dating inter-racially, time has to tell OP.
     
  5. radhikaamj

    radhikaamj Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Cyan

    could you mention his exact place in india. if its a problem just mention which state he belongs to. because it will help to know his lifestyle and family values easily.

    Regards,
    Radhika
     
  6. RadiantFlower

    RadiantFlower Platinum IL'ite

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    You mean, "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas"?:rant
     
  7. peacetips

    peacetips Silver IL'ite

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    I have known guys that have done it after so called short or long term relationships, whatever that means!
    So yes, it stays in Vegas!
     
  8. cyan45

    cyan45 Senior IL'ite

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    radhika, while i prefer to keep some details private, i will say that his parents live in one of the largest cities in india, are both college profs and thus exposed to metropolitan life/western people/ideas/etc...

    not to say that deeply rooted traditions are a void factor. only that, perhaps with higher learning and exposure, attitudes are slightly less rigid...if my natural charms do not win them over first? haha just kidding. well, whatever...

    both of my grandparents were well educated, and it was an adjustment for them at first. of course, this was during the 60/70's when interracial marriages were even less common than they are today. i learned to love both cultures and be a part of both families in a slightly unique way. i NEVER felt inferior from either family, nor did i get 'vibes' that my parents were not welcome.

    btw, i am privy to close relationships with a number of indian ladies. they complain about their husbands (either arranged or 'love marriage') to the same degree as anyone else i know. why do they always say if they could go back in time they wouldn't marry the fellows? oh wait, i think most every woman says that at some point ;-)

    as far as i am concerned, marriage is WORK, period. my father's parents didn't see each other until their wedding day, and they were together until death (after 11 kids!). my mother's parents married out of love, also together until my grandfather died. arranged vs. love, i see pros/cons of both. neither is a guarantee...and in fact, i have heard of indian men who yearned/ taken steps to fulfill a rendezvous outside of their arranged marriage. so in my eyes, neither seems particularly superior. i think it is the character of each person that creates the most solid foundation, not always culture/tradition/religion...these things certainly help, but i am sure we have all heard of sad stories that prove otherwise.

    i am aware of family disapproval, cultural clashes...but i also know that a thriving family life full of love helps buffer negativity in the world. i know this because i experienced it firsthand. maybe my details will be more 'complicated' but not impossible with a partner willing to go the distance and have a backbone. i wouldn't have it any other way :)

    looks like too much coffee leads to rambling! this is a spirited debate, and for that i am grateful.

    we shall see what happens along the way, and 6 months from now...

    cheers ladies :)
     
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  9. cyan45

    cyan45 Senior IL'ite

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    re 'what happens in vegas stays in vegas' = LOLOLOL!!!! believe me, not all of america is as crazy as las vegas. in fact, quite the opposite (depending on the area of course).

    i was quite shy/resistant to my bf's enthusiasm for reasons i mentioned earlier, so i hereby grant myself immunity of being viewed as a crazy/easy party girl american w/ no morals ;-)

    btw, he has met my parents multiple times and survived LOL. long story for another day...well, my life is certainly not boring, haha...
     
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  10. Nessie

    Nessie Silver IL'ite

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    Wish you all the best and hope your faith in him is not misplaced.
     

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