Please suggest some solution

HI Neeta

I don't find anything wrong in shelling out moeny, if he behaves as a responsible husband as well as father. If he is taking care of all your needs, this thing should not bug you.

But, she shouldn't have hidden the truth from you.

Please, don't compare yourself with anyone. many times people conceal reality and give a rosy picture of their marital life.

Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches.

Best wishes
Ansh

 

Hi Neeta,

I can understand your concerns about your finances. One cannot deny the importance of adequate money in our life. So yes, it should be taken care of.

I agree with Ansh that as long as your husband is shouldering his responsibilities as father and husband well, do not bother yourself much about the other things.

I think to make yourself comfortable or to make your husband understand, you must do a few things. You have to equip yourself with some real data and information based on which you can assess whether you should worry about your husband’s spending or not.

First and foremost, define for yourself what it means to “take good care of financial needs”? How much money do you really need for your daily living and for the future? How much do want to save for your kids’ education, how much money for their wedding, your retirement, your future medical needs etc. Get a financial planner who will do this whole exercise for you. Do not venture doing it on your own unless you are certified financial planner yourself. This exercise will give you an incredible amount of clarity about where you stand financially and where you want to be and what it will take to get there. It will also serve as a goal setting exercise for you and your husband to save for your needs appropriately. I cannot stress the importance of this exercise enough.

Second thing I’d suggest you do is define (again for yourself) what is too much and what is not too much for your husband to spend on his family. Be honest to yourself and put down a reason why an expense is classified as ok or not ok. This will give you clarity on what areas you think need to be worked on by your hubby. Generally telling your husband to not spend more on his side of the family is not going to help you. You have to be specific what you have a problem with. And, you also will have to substantiate your suggestion by showing that the expense he is making has some kind of a side/negative impact on your own finances or may be your family life (because your husband is working harder/longer to make the money thereby sacrificing precious time with family) etc.

Without data and facts to discuss about, it is difficult to show your husband how exactly the spending is impacting your kids and the family.

Once you do the first part of taking stock of your present and future finances, I can tell you that a huge part of the battle will already be won. No one likes to see their present and future in jeopardy.

Good luck.

SS

 

dear frend wat u can do is u can go for a job whr in u can earn quiet sm amount of money n tht money can b saved for ur chlidren s future. in tht way ur hubby also wont mind n also let him manages the way he wants to manage. one or d other day he wil understand. always hav sm backup. jus tel him briefly abt ur income n dont giv all d details to him.

 

Hey i cant agree less with your situation...... the best thing you could do is, when you are in good mood try to talk to your husband abt investing on your little girls like fixed depositing and these days you get these polices to invest on kid education and marriage.. you could talk or email to leading banks in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" /><st1:country-region><st1lace>India</st1lace></st1:country-region> and there financial consultants will get in touch with you and do all the paper work as well.

I suggest the same to my husband, now he has more investments in your future and a lump some of his salaries goes out for this.. so I’m sure now he is not spending unnecessarily...

You got to be diplomatic and get you work done.. Sounds dumb, but you have to foot down sometimes... at lease by this you would secure the future of your kids.

Rose

 

Hi Neeta,

I can very well understand your concern. As SS has mentioned...do a financial analysis and gather data before plunging into anything.

Fighting never takes anyone anywhere...but rather leave a bad taste. So instead of fighting pen down your feelings in a diary ...don't write anything bad or negative about your husband...appreciate what all he does and then ink your concerns as well. Keep writing in such a way...that you are being secretive...this will lead your husband to take it and read what ever you are writing. This works well when you are unable to reason out with your husband verbally...this will set his mind ticking. Even while penning your concerns write more about your kids future and medical emergencies and if you are aware of any unrealised dreams of your husband...then mention that too.

See if this helps.

Warm regards
Roopa.

 

Hi

I dont agree with ur husband sending so much money back home....he has 2 girls to think about first....i dont understand this mentality at all that a son has to go to a foreign country and support about 20 people back home....are they not old enough to support themseleves?
It out of order that ur husband is hiding from u how much he has sent...does he put aside any money for ur daughters? it is expensive these days to support children and a home life too...i think u need to sit down and talk to him and tell him that he cant keep on sending lots of money like this..
Are any of his siblings married?
He is diong so much for them but trust me in the long run he will get a slap in the face as people are selfish and as long as ur husband is sending money for them ur husband will be nice for them but the day he stops he will be the worst person on this world....
Tell me has ur husband bought his daughters in the world so that when they are older they will have to support u and ur husband...
I think maybe u should get a job if u can and put aside money for urself and ur daughters because when u are in bad times no one will help u trust me even though ur husband is helping his family so much they will not help him when he is stuck...its a selfish world out there and u have to look out for urself....

take care good luckMy 2cents

 

wow, Let me just start off by saying that you are not the only one with this problem. The most important thing for Indian in India is to show off their wealth at their children's expense. My in-laws also doing exactly the same thing. They want to buy 150 sqf 30 years old house for 70K, can you believe it? They keep bugging my husband days and nights and my mother-in law will tell my husband that he's incapable, he should have been a street sweeper not an engineer when he said no to buying that house. He has sent so much money home from his sisters marriage to more than 10K to fix the house yet they are not satisfied. Even with that my mother-in-law will continuously telling him that they never depend on him????? what is that????:coffee

This is the same problem with everybody overboard and I am so sick and tired of it. Fortunately, my husband is very sensible guy, he loves his family but does not give in to ridiculous demand.

I hope you feel better because we all facing the same thing.

 

Yes jasmine...if husbands are sensible the the battle is half won. But you find very few in this species.

So the best thing to do is, on accasions try to buy / invest for long term...i.e on b'days, anniversary, diwali etc.

This is also one way of securing the future.