Need some boost to keep myself going and stay strong

Really appreciate you. I don't even do half the work and crib so much! I won't ask you why you are in this relation that does not give your dues back as that road must have been long crossed over. Please continue focussing on your work because one day your kid will be ready to fly and you will have your work as your company. Have you tried teaming up with other moms to take care of kids? Since you know how your hubby is, rely on friends not for emotional reasons but for practical problems.

 

Dear DrKadambari,

All I can say is hang on..I can totally feel for you..I am in the same boat as you are.Instead of virutal girl,Its my in-laws.They all are together and I am the only one here..Believe me,DH sounds very nice before me when i asked him anything and behind my back,he will be enjoying when his family keeps complaining about me...I am so tired with this life and yet when I see the kids,i want to really fight with this life.

I dont really have an answer for you.I try to follow many things that were told by other ladies,but at the end of the day,sometimes,I feel so alone in my own house and that to when my DH is around..:-(

I get all these questions on why me,when i see the happy people..No one answers that question,except that i get more depressed.Hang on and this phase will move on..Brighter days will come and good luck with everything and do take care of you.

Even i am also trying to keep reminding all these things to myself.

Take care,

 

Hi DrK,
Long time no see, thought you had got over your problems.
You are married to a selfish man who is enjoying making you slog as you cannot move out of marriage.
He is getting all comforts and does not need any emotional support/connect from anyone.
It appears that only women need emotional connect while men can do without it.

Perhaps he sees you as a housekeeper , mom to his kid thats all, not a companion.
There are many couples like you and H where they go life like this its fate, destiny.
He will change only when he needs you to take care of him, right now he is secure in his own world.
But then you may not need him.

 

Hi,

I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you to do all without any help.

But on a positive note, it goes to prove that you are one Very Strong Woman:thumbsup who will cross this phase also.

Right now focus on getting the new classes/course and job. I am sure with the sincere hardwork you are putting in, that will be a cakewalk for you.

Rest needs to be taken care of after crossing this front. So, hang in there. All the best

 

I think you both lost good moments because of being career oriented and couldnt have time for each other. He find comfortabl in virtual world as he couldnt get comforts in reality. reality means, he may have high expectations on you and couldnt fulfill.
best remedy is, take frequent weekend vacations and atleast 3 hours drive. gift him something or fill those romantic things. or buy some after-shave or no matter how small it is as surprise..

Actually you are good in putting nice words, i wonder how it happens in your house, why he fails to understand your daily chaos and pain in this heaven-usa-but-also-hell..

 

hats off to you for doing so many things without getting reward or rest. i cant even imagine how tough it must be for you. Though i am not expert but i feel that you should stop loving him so much. it might sound crazy to you but from my experience underneath all hatred/anger/jealousy etc. there is deep bond of love which screams to be heard and it is this love which leads to all the expectations. Expectations are natural and are wonderful things but when we know through our past experience what someone is going to fall on some expectation then it only hurts us more when we have them over and over again. so if possible stop expecting him to do things. you have been doing it till now and there is a big possibility that you will keep doing it at least in near future. so better dont expect him to be helpful like other husbands. it might not look rightful at this point but i guess dropping expectations out of your bags should ease your pains, once you have your peace of mind back then you'll yourself will find solution to your problems.
Good Luck,
Shalu

 

DRK,

Agreed he is a jerk. But since you decided to stick with the jerk, you need to make your living a little more relaxed, rather than expecting him to make your life a little easy.

Baby steps -
Monday - call him at work in the morning, tell him 'I am making ABC dinner, lets watch XYZ movie after dinner, ok'.... in the evening enjoy dinner/movie at home. Will he protest this? why would he?
Wednesday - send him an sms right before he leaves from work asking him to bring his/your fav icecream... when he returns with icecream, scoop them into bowls and sit on sofa and eat together with your daughter watching TV
Friday - buy yourself a AMC/Fandango gift card ($30), call him at his lunch hour and say 'I have a gift card, should we go to this/that movie'... pick a movie on the phone. Later you book the tickets online, get your daughter ready in the evening by the time he gets back, then all of you go to the movie.

By weekend, both of you wont be in crappy moods, so you can ask him if he wants to go for a long drive (Dont talk about your problems) and enjoy the weather and the drive.

Do this for a few weeks/months, slowly all the negativeness will start to fade and you will find space to breathe.

Dont expect him to turn good overnight. After you do this for a month, maybe you can start asking him to mind your daughter for a couple of hours while you have a long bath/facial etc for yourself.

All this may sound lovey-dovey and you may think how can I be like this with a jerk... but since you decided to stick with him, you have to get yourself out of the quicksand and slowly move towards the dry land.