A bad marriage but life is still beautiful.

NOTE : ***** LONG POST*****

I was married in Nov 2011. It was an arranged marriage. Like every other girl the very thought of marriage gave me happiness and glory.But to my dismay happiness never got registered and never did i know that it was to be doomed in the coming year. I was slapped hard by my husband just 1 week after the marriage just in a protest to not hit his sister who handled a gadget incorrectly. I was later cajoled and pacified that it happened by mistake and i shouldn't have interfered in their fights.

I relocated to US with my husband 1 month after the marriage.The days of hell had already begun for me.I was constantly nagged, hurt and put down in every possible way. We are vegetarians and i believe in practicing the same. My husband often expressed his desire to eat chicken whenever we went out to the restaurants. When i revolted he dragged me home and hit me so hard in my jaw that i felt it got dislocated. The pain was excruciating. He cried and justified his act stating that he lost his temper and i mean the world to him.How fool was i to have got convinced ?

Days passed by but i always tried to find happiness in my own little world by cleaning, cooking,reading,gardening ,browsing and surprising him with whatever i could. I often used to walk along the lonely paths of the US listening romantic songs thinking one day my love would conquer everything and we would lead a happy life.I would desperately wait for him like a kid and hug him whenever he came from the office showing that no matter what i will be always there for him.How fool was i to have been so naive ?

Series of brutality like kicking,dragging,pushing,punching,pulling by hair had become part and parcel of my life. My body was getting numb to the abuses as it were immediately treated with heavenly surprises. My mind ,body and soul were just tools to be played with whenever possible.He tried to break the strong supportive bonds of my family and tried to isolate me .He made me believe that i would be always unloved in his absence.

In one of the occasions he slammed the door so hard on my left hand that i had blood clots and intolerable pain. He pacified me stating that i shouldn't have felt bad and the act was unintentional.How fool was i to have forgiven him ?

He exhibited escalated happiness in embarrassing me be it in public or in person. He would pull me down on my education, complexion,weight, communication etc. I was always made to believe that i was a worthless creature who couldn't withstand the atrocities of life . So powerful were his words to constantly tickle my innocence and purity that it made me believe that i should die rather than making my parents suffer to know the bitter truth of my marital status.

Whatever brutality/abuse he did were always the cause of my action. He was very dexterous with shifting blames on me that i started living on Survivors guilt "Wish i didn't tell him that ,wish i had kept quiet, wish i had kept my feeling subdued" . He always blamed his past of being motherless the main cause of his uncontrolled temper and anxiety.

I visited India to help and attend my SIL's marriage. Days of hell and sticks of death were swarming me . I was always accompanied with insecurities of getting beaten and embarrassed. My self esteem was a toy to be played with as it owned a stoic self.My love for him depleted with germination of fear of him which had no boundaries. My parents were constantly targeted with the filthiest words ever available in the world.I was never appreciated for whatever good i did to them but was humiliated and underestimated every now and then. MY FIL would always instigate my husband to hit and abuse me to let me know my limits that at the end of the day i am just a girl and i have been created to withstand the torture.

I have walked out of this marriage and have filed a case against him on the grounds of cruelty. I feel better as a person and have regained my self confidence to lead life in a positive ambiance. I thank god to have blessed me with wonderful parents who have supported me in all my decision and never left me stray. A beautiful guiding light in the name of sister who makes me laugh and is always there to wipe off the tear.

Life is very beautiful. To all the woman in the world ,never underestimate your strength,you were born a fighter . Never lose hope. To those who have been isolated just because they fought against the odds would definitely find angels in disguise.Every woman should understand that life of a woman is not dependent only on men. Never worry about the society as they never participated in your days of torture and would never be available to alleviate the pain.. Live your life to the fullest and achieve whatever you desire.

Vent out the truth and trust me you will feel awesomeeeeeeeee.

With lots of love and hugs
Maddy

 

Thanks a lot iamsrihere