Problem in married life... husband is very dominating... plz help

change your bank account.. open a new salary account ..and get the new ATM card.. if he questions u then u reply to him ...what difficulties u faced. and its your salary.. u have rights to spend it and give to your mom since she is growing your child..

 

If it is possible for you to open a separate bank account without his knowledge you can do it. Regarding other documents, collect it in the pretext that you require it for some verification in your office.

Controlling finances is always a big NO in a relationship. About the rest, may be fellow senior ILites can give you good suggestion.

 

Tell your Dh something like you need to submit your papers for some verification at office as the HR is checking everyone's backgrounds due to some new rule or KYC form at bank .. and what's stopping you from reporting your ATM Card "STOLEN" and ask for a new card sent to your office address??? You can walk into any bank branch during lunch time and get the address and email changed, for that you need to submit a verification that you work in that office (get that from your HR)

Also, you dont need ATM, nowadays you can access bank details on your mobile or internet, use it to transfer some money to your mom or a friend and take cash from them!!!

It is your money and your documents !!! Please get hold of them...

 

As all suggested try to open a new account or do as hastro said ask him documents needed for some verification and you take hold of your necessary documents and atm cards, tell ur hus firmly u respect & love him, its in his hands not to damage that. all the best. tc.

 

Dear op,

you are thinking about not hurting your relationship by taking a new bank account etc. but is he thinking on the same lines? NO, then why are you.

Here are a few questions to help you understand your situation:
are you aware of what he's doing with your money?
Is he spending any of your money with your notice?
Do you have a record of each rupee that is with him?

If your answers are NO, then seriously this is a problem bigger than what you think it is. Your immediate action change your salary account or ATM card.

Even if any of your answers are Yes, controlling your finances is a big NO.

Anyways change your salary account or ATM card and start taking the control

 

Dear Vaishali

Your opening a new account is NOT Creating the strife in your relationship... There is no relationship at all - this is sheer obedience and control... and any strife is already there in YOUR mind and your emotions !!! What can get worse ??? Taali ek haath se nahi bajti, you need two to tango, your DH has to WANT a relationship NOT a slave!!!

Please let us know what you mean by "he'll ............."

Can you leave to your mom's place in case things get worse by your taking control of your finances??

I know a 60 year old lady who went through the same thing in her youth - total control of finances, giving a pocket money of Rs 100 (even in the recent years) all through her working life (she retired earning 15000 a month and her pension is about 15000 now !!!) and also physical and mental abuse - she thought about her kids, about the entire world except herself....

And now, she stays at her daughter's place, so her H has made her "bad" in front of all her relatives, calls her home, but still abuses, she's too old to tolerate physical and mental abuse now (hit her thumb with hammer??) and daughter's inlaws tell her everyday that its not good to stay away from old husband as he may fall sick easily !!! Her son bothers about her, but is abroad, sends money, so where's the dignity??

And her retirement money and pension??? No prizes for guessing - her H uses it - as he has all the passbook and stuff - I dont understand why even the 30+ kids of this person are unable to help the mother retrieve her bank documents and her dignity and her financial independence !!!

 

Hi op
First you mentioned your city as Ludhiana and state as Punjab and now in few hours you shifted to Mumbai? I noticed this as I was surprised to find a poster from Ludhiana so don't lie
Anyway the place does not matter for your problem , I hope the suggestions given by other posters will help you but somehow posts like yours make me wonder can women really get freedom and respect with education and by working? We talk about independence of women and daily we come across women who earn decent money but have little or no financial freedom! And then there is the issue of no emotional freedom, you have take permission even to call your parents!
One thing which women need to understand is that no one can help them till they decide to help themselves, you say you were 'self dependent' before marriage so if you are dependent on your husband for your financial decisions then who is to be blamed?
Only your husband who wants to control everything in your life or to some extent even you who is scared to take any decision? I won't suggest you to have patience or ignore but will it help if you will not have courage to take some strong steps?
You won't open a new account or transfer the money to any other account then what's is the solution except to wait and pray that your husband let's you spend some of your hard earned money the way you like!

 

I know dear it is really difficult for you...to adjust in this situation....my cousin is in same situation..her husband do similer things...even he don't allow her to call her parents....
Talk with DH when he is in a good mood....ask him to feel your situation....so that he can understand...your side...