1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

How to stay tuned with your husband who never likes to socialise?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mirambika123, Jan 22, 2013.

  1. mirambika123

    mirambika123 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    12
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Are you very much worried about your husband who is an introvert? Do you feel imprisoned as he does not like socializing? Are you eager to make friends but he does not? In order to maintain peace at home , you hardly react and sit with him as you are his only friend.You cannot even share with your relatives and simply follow his notions to stay aloof from the people around you. He is a workaholic and refrains from enjoying life by the trendy norms. How can you bring a change to his personality? How can you convince him that life is not the 2+2 matter?Being flexible and practical without any damage to your self should be the only go.Have you any suggestion:rant for this kind of principled fellow?:hide:
     
    Loading...

  2. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,959
    Likes Received:
    6,857
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Male
    The reality is you cannot.

    What do you mean 'principled'?

    Introversion can often be a deeply ingrained trait. It may be far easier for you to socialize by yourself than as a couple. If your husband is genuinely introverted, then trying to change him is a recipe for frustration for both of you.

    You may have already come across these books whcih made a splash recently, but in case you have not:
    http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352145
    http://www.amazon.com/Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert-World/dp/0761123695
     
    2 people like this.
  3. lifebliss

    lifebliss Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    57
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    My husband was almost the same as you mentioned. but well I need friends right? and I was not willing to go to depression by encouraging his behavior. so I explained his weakness to my close friends who in turn seeked their husbands help. Their dh slowly started calling my husband inviting to their home asking for help with small things like electronics, showing new furnitures somethings common in men. even they stop by my house to have chai. my friends used to praise my dh's sense of humor, how good handyman he is in front of him. somehow and slowly he felt comfortable with friends. Every time my friends call me, they made sure they also say hi to my hubby and ask him to help with this and that. My dh is now socializing better than before. The only way to change his behavior to let him realize that he is important to others and realize that people do enjoy his company in his presence. for this u need good family/ friend circle who can understand. hope this helps.
     
    10 people like this.
  4. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,037
    Likes Received:
    1,333
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    I would make my own friends & socalise with them in afternoons if not working,weekends if working............stay in touch with relatives by phone,facebook etc...........
     
  5. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,862
    Likes Received:
    5,090
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    I think you can continue socializing and shopping around without him... if you can do it.
    If you're dependent on your movement for your husband then its going to be pretty tuff to change him or anyone.

    Upbringing has a lot of conditioning on an individual, it takes time to recover from that... don't loose hope but keep yourself happy with whatever you can.

    Even if you force him to socialize for your happiness he's bound to make gross mistakes and you might stop doing it yourself.... so let him take his time and choose his frndz.
    In your frustration don't stop talking to him... the communication has to be set ON... you can probab keep rattling to him how you interacted with a neighbour and what should have been your reaction for a social gathering etc etc.. you might be put down several times... but keep trying....
    Since you've already mentioned that you're the ONLY friend then why not visit places as just 2 of you... drive down... the more you interact with him... more he shall absorb your traits..... It might take time if he's ready to cooperate... otherwise leave him to himself.
     
  6. mirambika123

    mirambika123 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    12
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks to all for their thoughtful views.Now he has changed a lot .Yet a few of his principles he is still fond of.Thirty three years of our married life has been spent with many ifs and buts and I hope he would be the best spouse in the coming years.
     
    1 person likes this.
  7. RajSai

    RajSai Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,091
    Likes Received:
    727
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear lifebliss,
    You are indeed lucky to have got helpful family and friends group around you. This is the key factor to get a hubby out of his shell as the friends also should make the husband feel he is needed and important. Not many get such faithul people around.
     
    1 person likes this.
  8. sankar2008

    sankar2008 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    41
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Gender:
    Male
    All the very best to you.
     
  9. sacredbell

    sacredbell Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    228
    Likes Received:
    137
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    This is a good idea. My DH is also very reserved.
     
  10. hopefullylucky

    hopefullylucky Junior IL'ite

    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Whatever lifebliss said is very good. OP, u can try that out.
    Just a word of caution: Introvert people are actually more dangerous. Even if he agrees to socialise, make sure its not just with a couple of friends. Once he is open up with ur friends , make sure u always hangout in a group.
     

Share This Page