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Help..what should I do to ease my wife's pain after affair

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Inder4, Dec 24, 2012.

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Jan 16, 2013 #81

vidhya3b IL Hall of Fame

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Inder... I came across this thread today!!! Feeling sad for ur wife!!! Dropped in just for her and kid's sake!!!

If you seriously want her to forgive you and accept you, Just give her some time!! Don't expect wonders to happen over night!! It will definitely take time for her to come out of this shock!!!

Try to be supportive to her!! Be truthful to her!! Don demand forgiveness or don even talk about that!!!

Help her in the house chorus.. allocate time for her everyday!! Engage in small conversation whenever possible on her interests(Hope you know what she likes)!! Be patient!!

vidhya3b, Jan 16, 2013

vidhya3b, Jan 16, 2013

#81
Jan 16, 2013 #82

Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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cuteguy said: ↑

Look at how one woman spoils another woman nest- If your GF know you are married, why she is even dating you and doing physical intimacy with you. If a man has lost his way, your GF should have refused to date a married man and protect another woman nest.

One woman has a capability to destroy another woman nest rather then woman as a group showing cooperation and showing the lost man the right path.
Click to expand...

Well, why lose hope... the GF and wife are now both pregnant and talking to each other... they will hopefully as a group show cooperation and show the lost man the right path - show him the door that is.

Then, as single moms they might go on to swap baby-sitting.

Rihana, Jan 16, 2013

Rihana, Jan 16, 2013

#82

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Jan 16, 2013 #83

Radhai Platinum IL'ite

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Rihana said: ↑

they will hopefully as a group show cooperation and show the lost man the right path - show him the door that is.
Click to expand...

:rotfllost man the right path. :rotfl

And how ungrateful of the women!
Showing the door to the 'promiscuous by nature' men who can "bless" any woman in making her a mom and then dutifully, move onto next woman to impregnate! Damn it, This behavior it still hardwired in their nature and anyone who fails to control that urge is simply trapped in a natural impulse! And yet you show him the door?? :rant

Point of View Courtesy:

cuteguy said: ↑

Kya karta hain brother..feel sorry for you. Man are promiscuous by nature...In earlier times, man used to impregnate one woman, then move onto next woman..This behavior it still hardwired in our nature and you have to really resist it, control the urge.

Very sorry brother..You got trapped in a nature impulse..

You have blessed your GF in making her a mom though thats not the way society allows and you are going through turmoil.
Click to expand...

Radhai, Jan 16, 2013

Radhai, Jan 16, 2013

#83

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Jan 16, 2013 #84

Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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Radhai said: ↑

:rotfllost man the right path. :rotfl
Click to expand...

seriously!!! man leads gf and wife up the garden paths, and women are blamed for not showing him the right path!

Rihana, Jan 16, 2013

Rihana, Jan 16, 2013

#84
Jan 17, 2013 #85

justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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cuteguy said: ↑

Kya karta hain brother..feel sorry for you. Man are promiscuous by nature...In earlier times, man used to impregnate one woman, then move onto next woman..This behavior it still hardwired in our nature and you have to really resist it, control the urge.

Society then introduced marriage to safeguard woman rights and making sure man stays with one woman after impregnating her.

Here is the solution:

1) A woman love her kids more then anything else. Pledge to her verbally and in written you will give her children the best life in terms of education, food and guidance. Hold her hand and promise her your children will have best father.

2) Touch her feet. Tell her we touch vaishno mata and other female goddess feet to ask for mercy. You are asking for mercy by touching her feet. A female can touch man feet on first night or on karvachauth, now you have to bring down your man ego to touch her feet.

3) If were planning another kid later on after 4-5 yrs, promise her you will give her another kid and complete the family. If you were not planning another kid, then leave this point all together.

4) If she is also Sikh, it is better to go to Gurudwara after your child birth and say sorry there in front of Guru ji.

A woman is hardwired by nature to look out for man who earns food, can impregnate her, stick with her during her pregnancy and raise her children. She is only sticking with you because she is pregnant otherwise you were screwed if she was not pregnant and also given the fact her whole family is in US.

Look at how one woman spoils another woman nest- If your GF know you are married, why she is even dating you and doing physical intimacy with you. If a man has lost his way, your GF should have refused to date a married man and protect another woman nest.

One woman has a capability to destroy another woman nest rather then woman as a group showing cooperation and showing the lost man the right path.

Very sorry brother..You got trapped in a nature impulse..you are a good career oriented man. Follow my advice and i am sure he will be soft towards you.

A woman is very communicative and needs detail. Talk to her more. She needs soothing words from you. Saying ' I love you' to a woman is such a powerful message. Say 'I love you' to her 10-15 times every day.

Everything will be fine. Use words 'Happy Nest' with your wife. Tell her we have a happy nest together.

GF is thrilled to be 2 months pregnant. She is actually thankful to you for loving her and giving another baby. If she is financially settled, does not need your support and only wants you to sign visitation rights, it is better. Save your one nest- The woman with whom you are married.

At the the moment your GF is angry because your broken promises are fresh in her memory but after giving birth and becoming mom, she will forget everything and stay busy with kid. You have blessed your GF in making her a mom though thats not the way society allows and you are going through turmoil.
Click to expand...

IL can I have 'puke' button please...sorely needed.

justanothergirl, Jan 17, 2013

justanothergirl, Jan 17, 2013

#85

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Jan 17, 2013 #86

Anitap IL Hall of Fame

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Oh new twist in the story???? Gf also pregnant?...... Mega serial trp rate is going up

Anitap, Jan 17, 2013

Anitap, Jan 17, 2013

#86

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Jan 17, 2013 #87

tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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Woman's impulse: wonk the guy on the head with a belan when he acts like an idiot.

tashidelek2002, Jan 17, 2013

tashidelek2002, Jan 17, 2013

#87
Jan 17, 2013 #88

AlishaT Silver IL'ite

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Oh my lord.. Can we have a 'Hate' button somewhere? This story is so horrible I cant even imagine someone doing this double standard behavior to the wife and mistress. If this story is true, u better man up and start praying cuz even if ur wife forgives u, ur karma wont.

AlishaT, Jan 17, 2013

AlishaT, Jan 17, 2013

#88
Jan 17, 2013 #89

Decentguy New IL'ite

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Inder4 said: ↑

This is a shortened version of what happened. Yes I was wrong and feel terrible and want to repent.

I met a lady on an affair site in January. We corresponded for a few months and before meeting I fell for her and told her I love her. I felt it at the time. I felt a bond with this lady and I threw caution to the wind and I pursued her. We spoke every single day by email ,text and on the online during the work week. When I was at work I would call her while driving there and while driving back home, basically we would be in contact from 6:30 am to 9 pm 5 days a week. It was truly a love affair at that point. We exchanged I love you's all the time.

In April my wife found out she is pregnant, still I did not end the affair. Instead I met this lady and we continously slept together and spend time with each other.
By July, I was feeling guilty , confused because I love my wife of 12 years. My mistress,she was demanding time I didn't have. I got frustrated and broke it off by email, broke her heart in the process I am sure. She truly loved me it seemed but I was torn and never planned on leaving my wife. As an Indian Sikh man , we don't believe in divorce.

This lady never contacted me , not once after that email. I thought about her every single day after that but was too scared to call or text her. About 2 months later I received a text, the first words she ever said to me since I broke it off, she said, she still hates me but is thankful she met someone like me who opened her eyes to loving without fear. I was excited to hear from her and couldn't let her go. I missed her. I responded and chased her again, telling her how much I still loved her and would love her forever. I was just crazy for this women at this point. She was modern, had model looks, and was independent. A total 180 from my wife who is pretty and sweet but not flashy, not independent, just very typical desi wife. She was hesitant but she let me prove it to her. Our affair just started back in full force, until I started having those feelings of guilt when my wife started to suspect due to her spirtual advisor leading her to the conclusion I was cheating. Even though I made so many promises to my mistress, I made her take me back and promised I wouldn't ever run away again without an explanation. I told her I would always be honest. By then I knew I had to get out of it , all the while still seeing my mistress but dropping hints along the way that my wife suspects and that it was more difficult to get out..get away.
I should have just told her the truth but instead I tried to make her leave me. That did not work. I even pretended to be my wife and emailed her saying to leave my husband alone. She played coy and mentioned that she thinks someone is harassing her. In the email I said I am Inder's wife and still she did not tell me. Instead, I later found out she checked my IP address and compared the times my wifes emails were coming in to when I was emailing her with the IP adress and cell phone id's. She turned out to be quite smart, she figured out I was sending the emails but didn't tell me at the time. She just said nothing.

I stepped up my plan to end it and told her my wife downloaded our text conversations. I told her my wife and whole family knows everything. I told her they threatened me, if I don't end it they will bankrupt me and stop me from seeing my kid. She sympathized but started to question me. She looked up text message rules and figured you can't get them without a supeona. she said we can stay friends. No matter what I said to convince her, I could feel she knew I was lying. I finally said I had no choice , the phone got disconnected, she tried to get me to call back but I never did for a week. That really hurt her and she sent me lots of emails trying to figure out why I was so cold, how could I not even say goodbye. As a guy, not sure how I was suppose to go about ending this. I wish I was kinder , instead I turned cold to push her away and I didn't respond to her emails and changed my cell number.
One week later , on Monday when I went to work, I looked at all her emails saying she was in pain over this and my treatment of her. She was getting ore frustrated..erractic maybe. She said that I have a daughter and should know better how I would want her treated. She said that she knew I was lying, she felt it and that all she asked is that I actually end it with a conversation not an email. I called her, still annoyed , not sure what there is to say. Right away she said she didn't believe me and was crying. I told her I don't care anymore and that it was over, I wanted out. She didn't try to stop me just said fine. She did say at that point, "just do what you want to do Inder and I will do what I want to do" and "If you are going to be a B**** to me I will be an even bigger one to you" I said I am sorry and goodbye amd hung up. After about ten minutes she texted my work cell which she rarely called or texted, she said that was the worst goodbye ever and she would never forget the pain I put her through. I thought about it and called back and said i am sorry for the way I acted. Whatever I felt was real at the time but I just couldn't continue. We ended on goodbye , take care.

That same day, 2 hours later, I get a call from my wife asking who is "leesha". I thought she had called or emailed my wife with some info. I said I don't know who she is,hoping I could smooth it over. Then she persisited and I said she is a friend from work, not knowing my mistress was sitting in my house.

I never told her where I lived, I actually live in another state than her, she somehow found the address. She drove the 80 miles to tell my wife all the details of our affair and to giver her all the pictures I sent to her ..even nude ones. She even told my wife she is pregnant which I am not sure I believe that.
My wife is also 8 months pregnant and my wife is sobbing all week and besides being devastated, she is very scared that my mistress will tell everyone in the family.

What Can I do to prevent further assault from this scorned lover of mine? I want her out of my life and I don't want her to tell my wife's family which I believe she knows from what she told my wife.

Also my wife is pregnant and insecure about her looks and she got to see my mistress who I already stated was extremely attractive which makes my wife so jealous and hurt knowing what I did with her. How do I start making this up to her? I want to save my marriage and never talk to my mistress again.

I know I am a total cad in this whole situation and deserve this. I hurt my wife and my lover. I knoow my wife won't leave plus she is having out baby in a few weeks. What should I do at this point to repent???/ Please help....

Inder
Click to expand...

Someone mentioned that your story is just a story and you are a TROLL....but still your thread is the "HOTTEST" post/thread on IL ladies since the recent past. You ended up getting more than 88 replies ( and still counting...) in the past 3 weeks....Bravo !!

Here are my thoughts:-

YOUR THREAD IS A TROLL. Here are my reasons:-

1. You mentioned your religion. I have never seen any OP mentioning her/his religion before. Hence I think its a troll.

2. Someone said that you are a female. I get the same feeling. I think you are a female who has gone through a lot. Hence you thought of posting here as a male as a means of satisfaction. You knew many members will bash up the OP after hearing ( reading) the story and Psychologically you will be happy. Thats your way of a payback.

Many female OPs post their problems in married life forum or "inlaws" forum and they share everything. When the members reply consoling them, the OP feel nice. Many members like to be an "agony aunt". When OP gets the sympathy, consoling things from others, they feel nice.

There are so many threads on IL that does not make sense, where the OP conviniently "forgets" to mention everything. But since this is a cyber forum and the identities are withheld, it does not matter if the OP is really telling the truth or not. There are instances where the thread is a TROLL but still the thread ends up getting more than 100 responses in a matter of few days. Thats how badly the members want to be the "Agony Aunts".

Your thread is one of them.

3. Have you heard of condoms? Any man or woman who will want to do an affair will make sure that there is no pregnancy issue. But I guess you have never heard of condoms or ways to prevent pregnancy. I do understand that sometimes even with the utmost protection, women get pregnant but I think you should be responsible. I am not saying that whatever you did was right and I am not giving you a clean chit here that "ok if you want to have an affair, you should wear protection". My thing is you should own this now.

4. You said you got the contact of the female on an "affair" site. You were very quick to point out that you are SIKH man and you don't believe in divorces but I am surprised that you did not mentioned the site. I think someone else would have mentioned the affair site and would not have mentioned the religion.

5. In the beginning of the thread you said you fell for her and you felt the connection. Then later on you referred to her as "Mistress". Wow that was quick change of heart...wasn't it? In the thread you have gone back and forth saying "Mistress" "scorned lover" and things like that.

6. You mentioned that she found someone who loved her. After that you started chasing her again. There are your exact words "About 2 months later I received a text, the first words she ever said to me since I broke it off, she said, she still hates me but is thankful she met someone like me who opened her eyes to loving without fear. I was excited to hear from her and couldn't let her go. I missed her. I responded and chased her again, telling her how much I still loved her and would love her forever". God had given you a way out.....You should have stopped there and there. But you did not. Where is the guy now? You never mentioned him again in the thread...Was he just an imaginary guy she made up? just like this story?
There are many more reasons but I don't have the time to dissect your story further. I don't want to be an "Agony Uncle" LOL

YOUR THREAD IS A NOT A TROLL
All the best to you. You should be responsible for what you have done.

I am pretty sure your thread will cross 100 replies in a day or two. So I commend you on your thread...

Decentguy, Jan 17, 2013

Decentguy, Jan 17, 2013

#89

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Jan 18, 2013 #90

Sometimes611 Senior IL'ite

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Inder4 said: ↑

I already said I am selfish and yes I am a guy. I don't know what world you are living in but I am not the only man in the world to cheat or get caught up in a love affair. I am thankful I came to my senses early on some people have affairs for years. No point you sending poeple to that site, there are thousands of profiles , I deleted mine months back when I met this one lady. The only person I have met and the one I cheated with. I am not just upset I got caught , I am upset I hurt my wife.
Click to expand...

This is the truth of how remorseful you are. You think its ok... everyone does it... so what if u did it too? Now that your boat is rocking u r trying to save it. Once ur boat is stable again, u will start shopping around again. Thats how remorseful u r. Poor wife. My heart goes out for her but bearing u is the mistake she will have to pay for. By quoting u r Sikh hence can't think of divorce... u r shaming the pure religion too. Does Sikhism allow for cheating on your wife that too when she is pregnant? Rather than taking care of her, u r taking care of ur own idiotic desires! The fact that you never even bothered to know anything about "your" mistress just proves how self-centered u r. Ugh... u make me puke!

Sometimes611, Jan 18, 2013

Sometimes611, Jan 18, 2013

#90

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