Getting Divorced .... please help...

I know kids play a major role in this kind of marraiges.if he had a kid he wouldn't be doing all these games.becuase he can't efford to play games with his own blood.

What is the role of the kid here?

 

/*************Extreme Drama Alert***********/

--Readers read at ur own risk.

You like him. So.

--I would personally send parents back home, they will understand it when they see you confident enough.

--Forget about trust, honesty, respect, he gogin back n forth - fickle mind and stuff. I would not think abotu those now. Dont complicate your already complicated situation.

--Tell him what taking D comes with. What happens to you and him. Dont hide your sadness, or love for him..if not now may you will never be able to.

--Ask him if he can ever go to the same malls ... that you both used to go to often?

--Ask him if he can wake up to nobody beside him on the bed? and use the same sheets that you both used?

--Ask him if he can go to bed in the night without your noise..however annoying it may be?

-- if he can ever eat food items that you specially made for him or that have some significance b/w u two?

--if he can ever go to a shop and not touch an item thinking it would be nice on you? or you would like it?

--If he can get your hair strands off the passenger seat in his car....without thinking .."wish things dint go out of hand?"

--Finally, Ask him to tell how he is planning to forget you?..so you may try it too to forget him although you are sure..it will not work, as you cant forget him and that you know he cannot.

--Listen..i know you said and still say things in haste. I can forget that and we can still get back together. But this D thing..if you or I..initiate it in haste... and get lawyers involved...we will have reached a point of no return...even if we wanted to...they will not allow us to. You like me personally, but when family/traditions involved ... you get distracted..its fine, that can be fixed. If you dint like me personally...then i agree its best to take D but it is not the case here. so I want to tell you whats gogin to happen if we do take it.

--I have no shame to say I still like you, cannot forget you, will not be happy without you, no one can keep me happy like you, and no one can take care of you like I do..yep. . Do you really want this? just tell me your personal opinion thats buried deep inside your heart, keeping issues aside. it will be between us, wont say it to anybody.

--only thing you dint like about me is - following family traditions. Okay I will fix it. But it will take time. only with your support i can do it. will you help me with that? (you F have to get rid of somethings/feelings for now.....to gain some you loose some..but its not the end.... you can and will still gain what you lost on your way..but for now..loosing it will help you is my opinion).

--lets not let our love that we gave birth to n nutured die this pathetic death.its like our baby. ( I know I am full to drama :biggrin2:...but whatever it takes to melt the other person :shhh

-- I will leave it to you after this. You take your time. Write me answers to above and if your mind has not changed still...meaning you yourself do not like me...then there is nothing much in my hands that i can do. ...you can do a similar dramatic session with his family (mom)...her weak poitn will be happiness of son. target on that.

Some of the points i have written initial lines are written from exp. My Family is in India now. .... I am very very embarrased writing this.....if any of you ever know me in real life...:help act like you never read this ....else i would die out of shame :hide:

Falguni - i know this is against all other opinions presented in this thread.....Everybody has their own...likewise i presented mine. I am sorry if you dint like it...just laid it out to you thats all. i will nto say things will be good, but you will feel happy.

 

God knows why men starts dancing to mom's tune after marriage.. thses mom's have problem with their dear son's before marriage but when DIL comes then son becomes most obedient momma's boy and his wife becomes the villain.. here nothing new your's was a love marriage she didnt get a chance to do dramam while chosing you as a bride for his son and other craps may be missing before marriage..
Now you don't have to confuse Falguni.. think about the possibilty how much safer and stronger you can make yourself still while staying with him.. look for all your finances well, plan out your next move when he files divorce.
I feel he is provoking you to file divorce. It may become easier. In India his parents can't file divorce on behalf of him only they can talk to some advocate and fix someone. Dont know about US rules. You meet some lawyer and gather all information.. Tashidelek has mentioned, i guess you will get good info from Tashidelek.
Right now ignore his drama completely.. he is provoking you all to be the first to do anything. LEt your parents go peacefully. In the meantime you be formal to him. TAke good care of your health. Try to play brain game here.. you are independent you dont have to tolerate this whole life.. nothing wrong playing here as he is doing same with you.. Most important keep all your documents in your custody he should never be able to get them in his hands.. i have read so many caes here all that stupids jerks take documents in their hands and make wife helpless for everything. Sometimes we need to play to survive.

 

Hi Falguni18,
I have gone through same thing like this last year.In my case it was FIL.Last year when we went to India things got so worst due to FIL.I do have some advice for you which I followed and I think it may help you as well.
As per me your husband will not divorce you and he and his mother is trying very hard to break you.Deep inside these type of people are very coward.
I think deep inside you still want to be with him.I would advice you to ask your parents to leave now and they can come later when you are alone and need them.When you are alone with him you can face him boldly then infront of parents.when parents are around these type of husband will try to maximize your pain.show him that you are so strong you will face him alone.the day your parents leave tell him you will not cook for him and do that.
I mean under no condition you will cook for him.
I was like you and can never control myself cooking for him although he used to behave badly with me like urs husband.You have to control your feelings and you have to do it.He will realize that you don't care abt him anymore.
Take an appointment for psycatrist and take some consultation.Ask your husband if he can come with you.even if he don't come you need to make him realize that you are letting other people know about your condition and the emotional abuse he is giving you.It will also help you later if he go for divorce
As you said both of you work in same company you can also let your common friend know about all this.I remember in one of your post you said that he will never patch up with you if you talk to someone else abt ur situation.But now you have nothing to loose.
Don't leave your home.If he ask you to leave him tell him to file divorce and he can leave if he wants.It is your decision to stay in same home or u want to rent another home.I had two kids one 3 year and one 3 months in my arm when at airport in India my husband asked me to leave there as he will divorce me.I vey boldly told him I am going to my home if he want to leave he can leave.Send me divorce papers then I will decide I will stay in same home or I will rent another place.
Don't get into arguments with him.Stay in your room.if he try to start any argument just tell him you are mentally disturbed bcos of him and don't want to talk.Your silence will be his frustration.if still he argues tell him if he distrub you like this you will call 911 and let them know he is mentally harrasing you.I mean do it if he doesn't listen.
you have to make him realize you damn care abt him.whenever he try to give you pain show him it doesn't affect you.I know it affects us but don't show it to him.
Now you have nothing to loose.You can try all means which you used to fear that it can break ur relationship.
From now take this person Head on.some people understand only TIT for TAT.

 

Falguni, did you have an answer or explanation for your folks, when he said all this to them? I can understand wanting to hide marital problems from parents but why did you hide the pre marriage incidents from your own family? At that stage every girl has starry dreams and expects the best so then how come...? Is there any truth to what he is telling, Falguni?

You know, Falguni, just by chance, last weekend, I was watching 'Jab we met'. Somehow I am reminded of the actions of Kareena Kapoor's character when she ran away to that Anshuman guy when I read this. I hope I am wrong, I am probably wrong. But please dont make the same mistake and get stuck in the situation like that character.

Frankly, I am rooting for your parents, Falguni, and praying they get their way and successfully remove you from this situation. Please stop hunting for glimmers of hope that this relationship will continue when the entire universe is busy hitting you over the head like a sledgehammer with the info that this relationship was never meant to be and must end.

 

Wondering the same here.

 

Please please no begging and pleading.
The Jab we Met girl ended up with a dashing millioniare .
Let him take the next step.
Enough is enough, one cannot live with a man who drops the D word every second day.
Perhap he and his family are enjoying making your parents sad and uncomfortable. Sick.
He is coming across as not so nice guy.

 

If he is planning to divorce you why hasn't he moved out?
Are you still cooking for him etc

 

Falguni,

Yes you are right. All that history about who came running after who or what actually happened before marriage doesnt matter. I agree with you there.

What is significant here is what he is choosing to remember of that past. If he is choosing to remember only the parts where you ran after him and expressing repeatedly that he wants to be rid of you and feels like this is one-sided attachment and from your side only -- then you cannot ignore that. You should NOT ignore that. Marriage is a consensual relation. No matter when it started or for what reason, when one person in the relation feels like this and expresses it in every way possible his partner HAS to take cognizance of that and act accordingly.

Ignoring it, and hoping for the best is what you have done till now. What was the result? All that happened is that you lost time. If you had asked for suggestions 2 or 3 fights ago you would have more time in hand to change your processing and stabilize your legal position here.

Flowerlady, yes, KK got a millionaire and a happy ending because that was a MOVIE. In real life most girls are not so lucky.