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  1. #31
    ars
    ars is offline Gold ILite
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    Default Re: Should I Marry my Fiancee - Please Advise

    2 years older than you
    No wonder she is calling all the shots. More like a bullying big sister.
    Wake up. Like I said before just the word you are not man enough would be a big no. She can act and pretend now but in the back of her mind you are not man enough a desperate guy to get married.

    Anitap likes this.

  2. #32
    Anitap is offline IL Hall Of Fame
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    Default Re: Should I Marry my Fiancee - Please Advise

    Quote Originally Posted by ars View Post
    2 years older than you
    No wonder she is calling all the shots. More like a bullying big sister.
    Wake up. Like I said before just the word you are not man enough would be a big no. She can act and pretend now but in the back of her mind you are not man enough a desperate guy to get married.

    This is a huge red flag.


  3. #33
    DrKadambari's Avatar
    DrKadambari is offline Silver ILite
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    Default Re: Should I Marry my Fiancee - Please Advise

    Quote Originally Posted by Karanverma View Post
    Anitap:
    If I can just extend my question, I will also like to know if my behavior is wrong. I wish to know if I am being wrong here. Am I restricting her freedom? Am I being over-possessive of her? Am I not allowing her to be what she was when we were just friends? I know that we are having compatible issues but do you think, I am wrong somewhere and that there is a need for me to change? If I am wrong and if I am having compatible issues, there is more reason for me to worry because I might, as well, be not compatible with anyone until I change :)
    Boy you both are not wrong, you both have different perspective towards life. You deserve a girl who was controlled / just lived with parents under those traditional restrictions. I strongly feel that. This does not mean that you are bad or anything.

    She is as well not wrong in being outgoing and having guys as her friends. For me boy or a girl - friend is a friend, I know and knew b4 marriage where to draw line though I had mostly guys as my friends. They had respect towards me than anything bad - my husband thought like the way you do. I thought that things would change after marriage - it all changed to be worse.

    Knowing each other for 10 longggg years that too in distance relationship, each other would have taken one other for granted. Dont spoil your and her life marrying

    ---------------------
    Just DRK
    Who has learnt to cross the bridge when she gets there.

  4. #34
    lukywife is offline Senior ILite
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    Default Re: Should I Marry my Fiancee - Please Advise

    You both are not compatible.You should accept the girl for what and how she is.What is wrong with shorts? You are conservative.Everyone has the right to wear what they want.Change your perception or choose some other girl.In my point of view, I dont find anything wrong with that girl.You should be grateful that atleatst your gf is asking you permission.If i were her, i would not have asked permission.

    Last edited by lukywife; 14th November 2012 at 09:07 PM.

  5. #35
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    Default Re: Should I Marry my Fiancee - Please Advise

    Grateful? LMAO!

    Naksh and ruknights like this.
    Not on the fence. Moving on

  6. #36
    Karanverma is offline New ILite
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    Default Re: Should I Marry my Fiancee - Please Advise

    Lukywife,

    -Thank you for responding !!

    Well, I agree that everyone has right to wear whatever one desires. However, being a man, I know that 'most' men (I am being very diplomatic, when I say 'most' :) ) will always develop lust towards women in short skirts (and I am stopping just here). I do not want my wife to be a showpiece and would expect my wife to think on same lines. Yes, I agree that I am conservative.

    Naksh likes this.

  7. #37
    Radhai is offline Gold ILite
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    Default Re: Should I Marry my Fiancee - Please Advise

    Quote Originally Posted by lukywife View Post
    You should be grateful that atleatst your gf is asking you permission.If i were her, i would not have asked permission.
    I thought when someone asks for permission for a thing, then they would not do it unless it is permitted.

    Naksh and Anitap like this.

  8. #38
    DrKadambari's Avatar
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    Default Re: Should I Marry my Fiancee - Please Advise

    Quote Originally Posted by Karanverma View Post
    Lukywife,

    -Thank you for responding !!

    Well, I agree that everyone has right to wear whatever one desires. However, being a man, I know that 'most' men (I am being very diplomatic, when I say 'most' :) ) will always develop lust towards women in short skirts (and I am stopping just here). I do not want my wife to be a showpiece and would expect my wife to think on same lines. Yes, I agree that I am conservative.
    Just reminds me of one movie dialogue in a regional language - Girl in the house has to wrap completely but he drolls over other girls outside wearing revealing cloths / even sari for that matter. (what he does, is what he thinks the world is / the world is filled with people like him)

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    Who has learnt to cross the bridge when she gets there.

  9. #39
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    Default Re: Should I Marry my Fiancee - Please Advise

    Quote Originally Posted by Karanverma View Post
    Background:she says that she doesn't find me manly. I am sensitive and she says, she doesn't find this manly. She is very close with 5 male friends (and no female friend) and she takes one of them as an inspiration and looks for those qualities in her husband. ...
    ...
    Sometimes, when I talk to her, I feel as if I am being described as an inferior person. A person, who is all of negative qualities and is definitely denting my confidence. I assured that I will change and never ask her to decline going out with friends (although my heart may not still accept it); I told her that I will adjust and I will change for her. I am not sure what to do. Just to add, I am faily built (proper BMI), do not look bad and receive compliments from several people. She asks me to become fat, build more muscles, etc. etc. and I am trying my best. Yes, I am now fairly muscular after all those efforts just for her.
    She wants you to change. You both don't seem to be compatible. I am not saying you are wrong but in a relationship you need to be bit flexible with your preferences/likes/dislikes/priorities. She must love you for the way you are. Though she has apologized to you, she doesn't seem to be serious. Have a serious talk with her.

    Last edited by alekya1; 14th November 2012 at 11:28 PM.

  10. #40
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    Default Re: Should I Marry my Fiancee - Please Advise

    You met her around 16years of age and her's is around 18years.

    And today if you wanted to change your relation to conservative wife and husband relation it won't happen suddenly.

    You both are friends until sometime back and women don't like to switch there minds from a friend to husband.They like a role of a friend where they want there won freedom.

    Here you are trying to enter into life a conservative husband.It's tough deal.Even though she knows the difference,it's not easy on her either to change your roles.

    At this point,don't try to rush into marriage.I am not sure when did you both of you decided to get married though.Probably it's good for both of you to wait more time to see this relation can really work.

    There is vast difference between a being a friend vs beving a husband.

    Naksh and Karanverma like this.

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