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Should I Marry my Fiancee - Please Advise

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Karanverma, Nov 14, 2012.

  1. Karanverma

    Karanverma Senior IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    I would like to thank everyone for their valuable time and opinions I - a sincere thanks to everyone indeed. I am definitely considering all your advices.

    Actually, she called me up last night (i.e. soon after I posted this thread - she did not see this thread, though !!) and apologized for her behavior. She said that she is someone, who would trust me blindly and would never want to go out with anyone else other than me. She said, she would have anyway stopped all that even if I had not told her. Just that, because I told her that I do not like somethings that she was earlier doing, she found it bad. She said, I shouldn't have told that (because she was anyway like that). If I might add, she has stopped going to disco's, et al.

    We are discussing this at large to arrive at a final decision. We will discuss this today again to know where we stand and if we can really go ahead.

    To answer some of the questions posed to me: I am 26 and she is 28 and yes, we hail from entirely different cultures (India). Yes, I will give rest to my emotions for sometime and ask logic to do the work now.

    For having shared all your opinions here, I understand that it is my duty to let you know what our final decision is. I will keep this updated as soon as we arrive at one in a day or two.

    - Thank you all again.
     
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  2. Anitap

    Anitap IL Hall of Fame

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    Best wishes. :thumbsup
     
  3. Karanverma

    Karanverma Senior IL'ite

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    Anitap: Thank you for your wishes !!

    All:

    If I can just extend my question, I will also like to know if my behavior is wrong. I wish to know if I am being wrong here. Am I restricting her freedom? Am I being over-possessive of her? Am I not allowing her to be what she was when we were just friends? I know that we are having compatible issues but do you think, I am wrong somewhere and that there is a need for me to change? If I am wrong and if I am having compatible issues, there is more reason for me to worry because I might, as well, be not compatible with anyone until I change :) So, if you can respond to this, I will really be thankful to you.

    - Thanks again.
     
  4. fencesitter

    fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

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    IMO, anything in moderate is fine! You cant really please all. Waiting for her to take decision?! No offense but you do come across as a doormat. You still have time to get out.
     
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  5. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    all the best.
    actually my advise was no to marriage after seeing ur first post. but it is ur life u do what u think will make u happy.
     
  6. prchitra

    prchitra Gold IL'ite

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    Karan,

    i feel you are feeling insecure.. due to age difference.. due to this and various cultural factors.. she is also thinking more about this relationship..

    You both should be prepared to face the society due to this age difference..(I know lot of people can give examples like Sachin tendulkar and all).. You both should be strong enough to love each other till the end of life.. not complaining each other..

    Since you are hailing from different cultures, If one has little fear on this age too it will create problem.. people may say that you are marrying elder women (As you already said that she is fat..).. for her they may say you are marrying guy who is younger to you.. it will look like younger brother..!!

    Think all these conditions and then decide.. Dont take hasty decision.. once decision is taken both should not regret each other later..
     
  7. vidhya3b

    vidhya3b IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi OP,

    Sit and talk.. That will solve the problem for sure!!! Being a gal, I am very possesive on my BF!!! And he is not at all possesive on me!!! I trust him a lot but I am just unable to control that nature of me!!! We even had issues on that!!

    We just sat and talked on this.!!! I wont say I am completely changed or something.. But we just understood each other regarding this issue.. I made him very clear that I trust him more than I do myself!!!

    Just do that.. There is a possibility that she might feel that you don trust anymore!! Thats not good for a relationship!!!


    Thanks!!!
     
  8. BharatS

    BharatS Gold IL'ite

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    Dont rush into this relationship without being firm in your thoughts. There is no need to be hurry. After 10 yrs of seeing each other, you clearly sound that you are not comfortable with her(or may be u feel inferior) which is a big deal breaker. And you also said that you dont feel any emotional attachment with her.

    May be you deserve better partner and she deserves someone better than you. Think it that way. My suggestion is either let it go or take some more time before deciding to tie the knot. Dont rush at any cost at this stage.
     
  9. Anitap

    Anitap IL Hall of Fame

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    After reading your update, i had wished you and left.

    But something was not adding up. So I came back to this thread to write and fence sitter has said it already.

    Why is it that she decides whether your relationship is 'on' of 'off' ? Separating or continuing the relationship should be a joint decision IMHO.

    I don't know why but there seems to be too much inequality in this relationship.

    I don't feel right about writing this when you have decided to give it another try. Sorry for this.

    However If you decide to stay together please forget the negative things that were said about her. Lest these things jump out of your mouth during any future fight.

    And your profile name might come back to bite you in future.
     
  10. nicegirlradhi

    nicegirlradhi Gold IL'ite

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    Just becasue she is outing with male friends does not mean she is bad. But before that you have to talk all your concerns with her. Other wise, you both will end up disappointing each other.

    The best thing in this situation is to sit and have heart to heart talk with her. It seems that you have no trust in your relationship. Please try to concentrate on that.

    Prvention is better than cure. So if you feel incompatability, better not proceed further for everyone good
     

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