Impact of India trip on marriage

I agree.. Few trips to india and i m now here shivering to even think of having my delivery in india...
In laws have this knack to influence hubby to go against me in a min... However careful you try to be, you would have already triggered an arrow against yourself!!!!!!!!

 

For me..after every India trip...my love for U.S of A decreases even further... I wish we can stay in India forever with my parents and in-laws... and hopefully we will...some day....

My parents and in-laws were in US this May but we are going again in 2 weeks times..love being home.. We can't wait for our India trip!! So excited!

 

Ohhh nothing like that Rihana..

I think it depends on the "mettle" of the man you are married to or how "independent" DH's thoughts are . A husband can be supportive to his wife while is India; or husband can play to the tune of his relatives even if he is 17,000 miles away from India.
Ultimately it is upon the people's character. Some people care a lot for other's affirmation. Maybe the distance can reduce the "friction situations"; but not altogether eliminate it.

 

Hmm No India trips doesn't shiver me , I enjoy trips to India. Where as it brings shivers to DH LOL (My Shopping Spree nature) Just Kidding.

 

Rihana,
A very apt and relevant post! In fact,I used to hate being away from India,my home.But now I have realized that home for me really means where my parents are.If they are in the same place as me,anyplace is home. If I were in India,I would definitely be at my in-laws,not in my parents town.So how does it matter anyway?I also have mixed feelings when I think about going home for the hols ...can't help it.

And I don't think that its better for couples to be away for the 1st few years and then visit India.Its a bigger shock for the DIL. Atleast I know what I can expect when I go there,I'm more prepared..as I have been there,heard this,(not) done that..!!

 

Yes I would prefer not to go to India even if it meant that I cannot see my parents.
Even if my parents cannot come here,I would still prefer not going there.
The joy of seeing parents doesnt wipe out the horrible memories that take place at in laws place.I feel sad typing this but this is truth.

Usually what happens is,I go to India,experience all sorts of terrible things that leave a nasty scar,then come back to US with a heavy heart,live with bad memories for a year,then I forget it slowly and after 2 yrs I start to long to visit India to see everyone (parents,sibling,aunts) and by then the next trip is planned.Its a cycle.
My next India trip is planned and set,I will be away for 1 and a half month,right now I am on good terms with in laws,sil so this time I am going to break the cycle,not going to have any fights,any misunderstandings,just going to keep my mouth shut and come back peacefully.But who knows whats in store,just crossing fingers.I feel like our president Obama,all prepared yet nervous.

 

would prefer not to go to India even though i am eager to see my parents.
though my dh is nice now, i still have this feeling of doubt when he is with his family. given a choice i would not go to India at all. it brings back memories of suffering and actually rekindles the hatred i have for his family side. i probably have to become really insane or become a sanyasin to forget or forgive them in this janma.

 

Rihana thanks for starting this!! I can connect to it well

Yes India trip leaves pain and scars.......but on the other side I do miss India and parents a lottt.....Its really sad why ego and selfishness is more important between family members even when getting together after 1 or 2 years for a small period of time. It amazes me.....I do agree more than issues with inlaws if there is a good understanding between husband and wife, even the most distasteful situations would be lot easier to cope with.

Inlaws on either side can get mean, focused on what they want, creating issues between husband and wife but its responsibility of spouses to stand up for each other/support them in front of their respective families especially when spouse is right and their own parents/siblings are acting unreasonable and mean. JMO

 

Last India trip was horrendous for me, not because of inlaws (they are more or less ok dont force anything on me sometimes my mum in law will say sarcastic things to me but i let it go its only for 3-4 days the entire year eg. when i ask for mil to send the car for me to pick me up from parents home in the same city to inlaws home if there is early morning function <and my hubby has paid and bought the car for them> she will say ok and then say choti bahu(younger dil) when she visits her parents she has car n driver of her own and then stops n stares at me..but anyway i keep quiet its for sometime only and she cooks all my fav food for me etc. and sometimes my FIL will ask me questions like where r u going when will u be back i will drop u off to the place dont go alone come back early etc etc but they didnt have daughters so they r scared of dangers etc. so i keep quiet and just tell him not to worry -

But to come to the point: from my parents side my siblings show jealousy hostility sarcasm etc they think i am rolling in money in US living in luxury in large house whereas i have to drive 2 hrs daily for work and work like a dog basically ...but its the hostility and jealousy that really bothers me.
This year I went alone without my hubby and it was even worse it was hell actually (because of siblings attitude and actions).

My parents are ok but they dont change their plans for me at all, I have to adjust my timings around them.
so as I go for 15 days, 2-3 days are gone in travelling to and fro, 4-5 days i stay at inlaws, and remaining 6-7 days i spend with parents but my mom will not take single extra day holiday for me I have to travel to their place which is a smaller town another 3hrs by bus from main city where my inlaws live. My mum could atleast take 3-4 days off holiday for me but she doesnt (in my opinion not like she cant she's in a position of authority at her workplace) she takes paid holidays when she came to visit me here, I took days off from my work and took parents to touristy places but she will not take 1 day extra off when i visit India. When i was returning back to USA i travelled 3 hrs by bus early morning to main city airport, stayed at airport till evening for flight to US, by the time i reached home in US i was nearly dead.

Hope I'm not whining too much.

Also when i go shopping saris or house decor curtains or gold (I dont buy gold in US once in 2-3 yrs i want to buy a gold set for myself in india) there is so much anger hostility jealousy usko dekh aajkal paisa ho gaya hai uskey paas to zyada dikha rahi hai humare upar types attitude the siblings have. I dont know why they have this attitude - firstly its my hard earned money which i had to work like a dog to get, and they are all in highly paying jobs in top MNCs but still this attitude towards me.

Its the inconsideration from my parents that hurts and the hostility, latent jealousy and anger from siblings that worries me.

It got so bad this year I am thinking of not going to India this year (i visit every year) but then my parents r getting old they have done so much for me when i was young so feel guilty that I am abandoning them but I dont know what to do...1 thing i know for sure is if I go to India this year it's going to be a horrendous nightmare again!

Has anybody faced this? hostility from siblings ? or is it only me and maybe something wrong that I'm doing?