The "travails of being an Indian woman"

This is not fair.

 

In line with the name!

 

If I stated something inelegantly and I offened anyone, I apologize as that was not the intention. I just wanted to say we make our choices based on our belief system. I don't believe I was trying to hit anyone below the belt, so to speak. If you read the whole back and forth of this topic, you will see I pointed out the pros and cons of both sides of argument without any acrimony on my part. But I soon realized that this was just a pointless argument as even though I acknowledged her argument, she was completely off tangent. Anyway that wasd my take on that.

I was trying to understand the person behind those comments and that is why I looked it up her past posts. Her
belief system was really not even working for her so how can you advocate something when you cannot make it work? I dont know if I am making it worse but again, I want to reiterate I am not trying to.

Another thing- when we put our life on the inetrnet, there will be different reactions and opinions. We al
know. I stand my belief that a child in a toxic enviornment does not fare well and as a parent every effort should be made to provide a child with a stress free enviornment. That is my belief.

Once again , everyone who thought I was not fair, please go and look back at the exchange and understand why I came to the conclusion that. I am no saint and do not claim to be but when you have any kind of discussion, if someone stubbonly clings to their opinion and is not willing to even consider that another persons idea has some merit, then that person is stubborn for lack of better work. Subborness is not good for someone who is a proponent of "collectivism" "groupism" sacrifice" etc. Temas dont work with one person's rigid opions and ideas.

 

the same definition of stubbornness apply to you as well, right??

 

I have mentioned earlier and am telling now as well "Individualism is not necessarily bad or negative" - Good for you if it works for you. I tend to appreciate collectivism more. By collectivism I did not mean that some one gets oppressed to do greater good to the group. By collectivism i meant that " the group thinks of being better off as a whole".

You mentioned that I have problems with in-laws, husband, mother. Each of these people are very very individualistic. They think of their own good and how they individually could be better off, even if it is at the expense of some one else. I wish we could think, how we, as a group, could be better off. My situation is not a result of my altruism. Even if I were an American, african, european, I still could have landed in this situation.

 

ok I am back writing on this thread ...sorry I had got touchy coz of some pain related to H4 etc, so just blurted out that I wouldn't be back replying on this threas. Couldn't read all the posts, but posting replies to one of two statements I caught on a flying glance through the posts--

I am not a guest in USA--I am a legal resident here(not a permanent)-whether I have a green card or not. Inspite of everything wrong with the H4 visa, even I love this country--and yes it is good in a lot of respects. However that doesn't make H4 right. As an analogy-- I get admission in a university, is it fair that the university gives me two grade points less than the local students? I mean its ok if the local students are charged instate fee and I am charged out of state tuition, and I do not say everything should be equal to everybody--I am only fighting (err..ok...only in my head, not really about the ) about the basic things like the right to work. I just consider that the right to work is a basic right.

Also in one of the posts it was pointed out that the Americans don't have jobs--how can the government give jobs to H4. That's the delicate difference I am trying to point out. A "right to work" doesn't mean that an H4 person should be guaranteed a job--like unemployed Americans. Unemployed Americans have all the right to demand jobs from their government--or just expect creation of more jobs. However, an H4 woman doesn't have the basic right to take up a small tasks that might not be even coveted by most unemployed Americans---anything that can fill her stomach if she is dying of some extreme situation. You know what--she can't even beg on streets (not that I think any H4 woman should beg), she can't cook or clean others homes--she can't legally even polish others boots--even if she is in a desperate need of money and for some reason her husband won't give that to her. Its very hard for people here to visualize the pain of a woman who really needs money. Its a basic need sometimes, as much as the right to live. The unemployed Americans are unemployed because honestly they are not wiling to take up just "any" job.

 

I also feel H4 visa is not fair, I prefer the British system where the dependents have the right to work. When a country employs a foreigner they should be prepared to treat their dependents fairly.

 

Riya,

I really admire the way you handled your end of the conversation I tried to like your post but for some arbitrary reason it wouldn't let me do it...hence the comment.

I know I am going to regret losing my cool but what the heck...I always stand up for parents and children in need.

Sdiva...I don't think the issue is the 'inelegance' of your statement or an unwitting offense...it is clear from our post(s) that you intend the offense. If you are not aware of how cruel you sound then you have a serious problem! That is the problem with conferring 'victimhood' because it makes you feel good about how good you or your circumstances are...without even an iota of comprehension or consideration for how people manage their lives-to the best of their ability...get out of your circle and go spend time with people in need-not as your 'cause' but to understand why and how they live their lives.