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I have cheated on my own loving husband and daughter. i betrayed my self. i regret it

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by neetapinj, Aug 25, 2012.

  1. neetapinj

    neetapinj New IL'ite

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    i was looking for indian forums which is why i have ended up here. i have cheated on my own loving husband and daughter and my whole family. i am completely lost and while writing this i feel like crying and there are tears in my eyes. i have ruined my own life and my husbands too.. :( :'(

    This is how it all happened.
    my parents were looking for a groom for me, arranged marriage. so they found this guy who is now my husband. we did all background checks and everything was fine. he was really handsome and i fell for him the moment i met him. but after we got married, i always felt like he would cheat on me even though he had the reputation of being honest everywhere. anyways, i would always keep checks on him like his phone, emails, where he goes what he does with friends etc. i would always check what he is up to because i always felt like he would cheat on me(i always thought of this because of his looks). i always kept a check but i never found anything suspicious and i was sure that he is very trustworthy.
    we then had a daughter who is now 4 years old.
    everything was fine and i had a loving husband whom i loved and a sweet daughter.

    fast forward to 3 months ago.. my husband told me he had to go for a business trip, i was sad at first. it was a months trip. so he left after saying bye to everyone else and me and daughter. and he promised he would call every night and talk. that kept on going and he would daily call and it was kind of getting boring for me to answer his calls and tell him what i did whole day so i started to ignore his calls sometimes :( :'( he was just being nice to me by calling me every night to ask me what i did all day and i would in turn not even talk back.
    then i met this man who was really good looking and i was very attracted to him. i met him at this childrens day care place where i was dropping my daughter and going back to home. this man asked me to go get lunch with him and i agreed. i became friends with him and i was clearly attracted to him. so a week later i called him to my own house after my daughter was asleep . I regret this so badly if i could only go back in time. :(

    he came to my house and we ended up sleeping together in the SAME bed where my husband and i slept. the next morning i was thinking to my self what have i done, i have betrayed everyone. and i talked to this man and told him that its over between us. he left and was gone and i havent talked to him till now. then a few days later my husband returned, and everytime i saw my husband it would remind me of what i had done behind his back and of how i would never answer his calls. my husband had bought some gifts for me on his way back and for my daughter as well. :( i would just keep getting flashbacks of what i had done when my husband was not here and i couldnt get over it.
    so i was in the kitchen and my phone rang, i picked it up and it was the same man i had slept with. he was asking me to go out with him somewhere, i told him i could not and what i had done was a mistake and we would no longer talk. my husband heard all of my conversation on the phone while he was in the lounge. when i went back to the lounge to serve him dinner he asked me 'how long have you been cheating on me' and i was shocked and i dropped my phone and just ran away out of the house. he tried to stop me but i didnt stop and kept going and started to cry. it was a big drama. later that night when i came back home my husband was crying as well and i told him that i regret it baddly and i shouldnt have done it. my husband also saw that i would decline his calls and all that. i came clean to him and i told him that i regret it a lot and i wish i could just go back in time and change it. he cried a lot and said that he couldnt love me anymore because of what i had done. he also said that he would have divorced me right away for this but he isnt going to because of our daughter and her future. he said that he isnt going to get physical with me any more and we are no longer husband and wife. he said we are now going to live as room mates and thats just it. now it has been a month since this has happened.

    my husband has stopped eating any food i cook, he says that i am not going to eat anything you cook because i know where your hands have been.
    he doesnt sleep with me on the bed.
    he has stopped talking to all his friends family everyone he has been cut off. all hes doing is just going for work and coming back and not talking to anyone. i feel so sad now :( i have tried apologizing so many times but he says he cant forgive me for what i have done. he also said that i could have done the same thing, but what is the point of it ? i love you and thats why i didnt do such a thing. u never loved me. this is all he has said to me. i really really love him and my daughter but i dont know what to do now :( I feel like killing my self i am so sad for what i have done. i have been crying every night ever since then.. I also saw my husbands phone and he has been talking to agencies about looking for a new home, which means he is going to live separately from now onwards. i havent told my parents about this nor his parents. its has been between me and him only. my daughter has also been sad because she thinks mommy and daddy are always fighting. what have i done :(

    my life feels so empty now :( we used to go out for dinner every once in a while and now its no more. he used to always love me and now he doesnt. he says he loves me but whenever he tries to, he always thinks of some other man putting his hands on me and he backs off :'(
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2012
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  2. iwannabemyself

    iwannabemyself Senior IL'ite

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    Re: I have cheated on my own loving husband and daughter. i betrayed my self. i regre

    i really feel bad for you ...but as of now i think you can not make much of a diffrence to the situtation except give time to your husband to absorb the shock and time is the only heal here. what you have done is perhaps ...the crime ....you can't forgive even yourself ....leave aside your DH forgiving you.

    i would suggest that help your husband forget it ...by making him feel special and talk to him only once about it ...and give you one last chance to prove yourself.....

    ask him to do it for your daughter's sake.....
    i wish you all the best ....
    can't think of anything else right now ...
     
  3. Nijasav

    Nijasav IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: I have cheated on my own loving husband and daughter. i betrayed my self. i regre

    I feel like {{{{ You deserve this for doubting a trustworthy DH and now what have you done???
    Well just give time. Time is a healer.....
    If he loves you so much as he says, then surely he will forgive you. Just give time, what u did is a hard hit / blow to his king size male EGO.
    It takes time to heal...
    He is decent enough by not telling a word to your parents or his parents.
    He is gem guy.
    So better, keep asking him forgiveness and let him move out for timebeing...
    Just use your daughter as a postman and bridge till that time.
    Your daughter can build back the broken bridge between you two.
    Pray to God...................This will give you the confidence and mental strength.
     
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  4. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: I have cheated on my own loving husband and daughter. i betrayed my self. i regre

    Sometimes, we don't need a second person to sabotage a beautiful life, we do it with our open eyes and bare hands..and then regret when we are faced with the consequences of the actions..

    I don't feel sorry for you...for the very reasons..

    1. no trust..always doubtful of your husband, thinking he is going to cheat, but looks like he has been truthful while you went off track.
    2. calling the person home was your choice, with an open mind, but feeling oh what did it i do feeling after the act is crap..
    sometimes, we never realise that some of the acts of the spouse are out of love and label them boring, stupid acts.( i know what i am talking about)..and think it should be more spicy and end up with more than what can be handled...

    and it is a long road to healing for your husband..I can only say all the best...
     
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  5. Hachiko

    Hachiko Gold IL'ite

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    Re: I have cheated on my own loving husband and daughter. i betrayed my self. i regre

    What I can say,give some space and time to your husband.Only time can heal the wound.I have seen a couple who had separated for 12years due to wife's infidelity and then the husband accepted her back.Please be calm and dont force your husband to forgive you now and don't expect everything will back to normal now itself..Give him time to recover from this shock.
     
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  6. Vasuma09

    Vasuma09 IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: I have cheated on my own loving husband and daughter. i betrayed my self. i regre

    Nice story and screenplay:clap:clap...Do you have any intention for movie direction. Suspected him for no reasons just because he is handsome.Ignoring phone calls from lovely husband just because you feel bored to update him about your daily routines..slept with some stranger inspite of lovely husband and innocent daughter and you reasoned this as physical attraction..this was not at all accidental incident, this was pre planned you called him after your daughter was asleep.It was you who called him and not he initiated this..By his way you had spoiled another girl's life just incase he is a married guy:rant:rant..

    What advice you are expecting from us...Past is past..forget about everything what had happened as a bad dream ..the blame is not only on yours..loneliness,handsome guy,asleep dd,sexual feeling induced by bloody harmone:bowdown:bowdown..so dont feel guilty .Cut all the contacts from him .change your phone number.Change ur dd daycare.If possible change your city itself.Assure your hubby that you will not get attracted towards any handsome guy in near future .....:bang:bang

    I really wish your hubby should give you a taste of your own medicine one day....:yes:
     
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  7. Flyhighbluesky

    Flyhighbluesky Silver IL'ite

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    Re: I have cheated on my own loving husband and daughter. i betrayed my self. i regre

    Seriously!!! what were you thinking? You're pathetic! and you're actually better off from what you really deserve! heck if it happened bcoz of problems in your marriage you atleast had a reason although i dont find even that as justifiable!

    If he wants to leave you... you have to respect that!
    you ruined your life by choice so accept your downfall with grace!
    If you still love him... dont give up! try in every small way!
    Raise your child in the best way you can and encourage her to fill the space of isolation yr H has created for himself! get her to ask him to take her to picnics/ movies/ parks. REFRAIN FROM Including yrself as long as he isnt comfortable..... in the hope that one day he might ask you to come along!

    If you really love him pray and work for his happiness... (wether or not it includes you.. you're gonna hav to leave it to him)

    last but not the least see a counsellor so that you dont go into depression! Yr H and DD need you, if you love them then you need to be there for them in the right frame of mind and good health!

    I'm sorry m not able to empathize with you and hence the lack of comforting words!
     
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  8. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: I have cheated on my own loving husband and daughter. i betrayed my self. i regre

    OP,you are your own enemy.So you get attracted to handsome men out there.You were attracted to your hubby because he was handsome.And to this guy because he was handsome.Well,this explains a lot why quiet a lot of men out there involve in such activities.Same theory applies to them also,right?

    What can we say?Pray that your hubby will come out of this soon.He has every damn right for being angry.You did not do it by mistake.You did it with your eyes wide open.Some people just do not deserve a good life.Why do you have to marry?You could have enjoyed your life being single.And you said your daughter was sleeping in the same house?Incredible!
     
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  9. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: I have cheated on my own loving husband and daughter. i betrayed my self. i regre

    Dear OP,
    Any spouse would feel repulsed if the partner cheats . Your DH will never trust you as the trust is lost.
    Suppose a DH had done the same to his DW he would not have got any sympathy from anybody.
    Imagine going for lunch with a person you meet only once at creche and also calling him over for the deed and exchanging phone numbers for action replay.
    Is it true or fabricated? Sounds filmy.
    What you sow so shall you reap.
     
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  10. tulipzz

    tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: I have cheated on my own loving husband and daughter. i betrayed my self. i regre

    Sorry you ended up like this. Be strong for your daughter. There is nothing you can do about this now, other than NEVER doing it again....you husband needs to decide what to do with a cheating wife. It's his life and his call entrirely...

    Why did u give that guy ur number? If you gave by mistake, why didn't you change your number? Why did u take his call at all?
     
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