What is emotional independence??

Emotional Independence is where you don't make someone else responsible for your happiness. You create it for yourself and take charge of nurturing yourself and give positive loving energy.

u know we see a lot of women dream about the prefect guy who takes care of her and makes her life happy. even before they are in any relationship they are emotionally dependent on a dream guy who does not even exist!!

personally i feel emotional Independence is not to seek sympathy and take charge of ur life!

people feel that a woman who earns well and is has good education can be independent but it may not be the case, many women depend on the their husbands and parents on how to live their life. sometimes they cant even take small decisions for themselves .
but all this does not mean detachment from ur spouse , u can be attached to him but he is not ur sole idea of happiness , it should not be such that if he is not around u dont have a life !! there is a difference in being detached and being independent.i m very attached to my dh and i do take his advice when i do something but then i consult my self also and take a final decision my self , sometimes it is same as dh sometimes it is not !!
u need to learn from ur self before u learn from others , thats what i believe in.

 

Well said, cute monster.

You are 'in charge' of your life - career, friends, social life, money and for your parents. Pretty much, take care of yourself as an independent person.

Emotional independence - Keeping the expectations from others low, so that there will be no disappointments, later.

 

You nailed it cutemonster , very well said !!! Kudos to well written defination.

 

Emotional independence does not necessarily revolve around spouse or your significant other.

In every aspect of life, taking charge of your life while maintaining equilibrium is emotional independence.

JMO, It is a balance between being attached and detached at the same time. For instance, be attached to a cause, take decision about issues on hand, and detach from the outcome if it does not work. The process of maintaining equilibrium without being drained out.. if things do not work as predicted! Maintaining calm when everything works out as predicted without being arrogant.

 

dear op,

emotional independence is, as said by others, giving space to each other in a relationship...it means, not forcing the other to act in according to your wishes...recognising the individuality of the person and letting the person free as far as the other persons actions won't affect you much...even if they affect you practising tolerance and bearing the discomfiture as long as this is within limits...

in other words, not depending on the other person for your happiness, having reasonable expectations from the other person and if there is deviation, not feeling hurt and managing the differences amicably...

 

OP:
I sure understand why you are confused about this issue as the usage on many threads has me completely mystified also. The responders to this thead are talking about a mental maturity aka BEING AN ADULT but I have read many threads which lead me to think that it is also used as a mental strategy to dealing with a really really really crappy marriage or other situation. To just check out of the situation, much as you would if you were in prison or left on some desert island where you cannot escape..some detached dream state that allows one to survive the unbearable. But to me, this is NOT mental maturity as an adult would take care of the situation in a much better way long term. It is to my mind avoiding the hard choices, and I am not just talking about divorce....other choices that will make the situation better. Some situations that I think would be on this list: getting rid of being a slave to bad parents, divorcing and going it alone, confronting people over their bad behavior, saying NO in a plethora of situations, standing up to unfair social situations.

 

cutemonster has said it so well.

Being emotionally Independent is the best for all women having preblems in their married life. If you sit and cry , noone is going to care. But if you move around, have a nice circle of friends, have a job, achieve somthing, the whole world will come to you. Everyone wants to be your friend and your hubby will too.

I am practising this from a couple of days and believe me my life is already changing. I feel free, I am positive and happy most of the time. I dont cry and crib, I only look at the positive things in my life. I talk to positive people, am doing good at my job, learning new things, joined some new class. And I do not depend on my hubby to make me happy, if he does I will be very happy and accept it. But if he doesn't , then it is okay. I have better things to do.

Try this out and you will see the change within you and around you. All the best!

 

To add from my personal experience -

Emotional Independence is a very useful coping skill used to
survive harsh conditions in a crappy marriage/ relationship.

To draw a comparison when you have financial independence
you have all financial resources i.e money to survive on your
own for food, shelter and clothing.
Similarly, when you have emotional independence you have
all emotional resources i.e mental strength to survive on your
own without constant need for affection, empathy and love from others.

It is a difficult skill to learn, but once you acquire it, you become
a Strong Person.

This skill is not required in happy marriages but is critical to survive in unhappy, dead-end marriages.

Basic Steps -

1) Get happiness from your own self. Love yourself as a person.
Identify and Value your abilities.

2) Focus on the Positives in your life.

3) Always pursue new hobbies. Keep your mind fresh.

4) Develop a circle of friends with whom you can go out
and enjoy.

5) Practice ignoring spouse's irrational behavior. Correct if necessary.

6) Most importantly, never seek true love from an unworthy,
detached spouse. Give love if they seek it from you, but
don't expect any love in return.

After getting my heart and mind crushed, in the first 5 yrs of marriage,
I resorted to practising Emotional Independence skill.
Over the last couple of years this skill has preserved my emotional
sanity and turned me into a much happier person :whistle

 

Well said, Desiheart. My kudos to you.