Dealing MIL DH relation tactfully

klniha · Mar 17, 2012

Hi all,

I've seen my friends ,relatives tactfully deal relations between them, MIL and DH to maintain peace as much as they can. Though tactfulness mite not work every time, can you tell me things tat hav worked for you?

For me, I've learnt not to crib abt every single bad and not so bad things my MIL does before DH. And say some nice things abt her once in a while , this is quite tough. My co-sis speaks so well to my MIL and is always all praises for her but she has her own set of complaints abt MIL.but never let's her DH kno cz she says they will form an impression tat we are against their mother.

But I feel do we need to act nd be hypocrites? But it does work sometimes.

I hope this thread makes sense and hope I cud convey wat I'm tryin to say.

riyagan · Mar 17, 2012

absolutely Klinha...this thread makes lot of sense. ive reduced talking about my MIL to hubby in this two years..past six months never even mention her to my DH... but do u think we have other choice? got to be like this.. zipping our mouth to maintain peace in the family.

indianinbayarea · Mar 20, 2012

klniha said: ↑

Hi all,

I've seen my friends ,relatives tactfully deal relations between them, MIL and DH to maintain peace as much as they can. Though tactfulness mite not work every time, can you tell me things tat hav worked for you?

For me, I've learnt not to crib abt every single bad and not so bad things my MIL does before DH. And say some nice things abt her once in a while , this is quite tough. My co-sis speaks so well to my MIL and is always all praises for her but she has her own set of complaints abt MIL.but never let's her DH kno cz she says they will form an impression tat we are against their mother.

But I feel do we need to act nd be hypocrites? But it does work sometimes.

I hope this thread makes sense and hope I cud convey wat I'm tryin to say.
Click to expand...

I think I would do like your co-sister. Its not called hypocrisy. Its called being diplomatic. Treat your MIL as you would treat your mom. I mean say nice things to her. Praise her if you have liked her food at some point. If she looks good in some outfit, say she looks beautiful, you know things like that. I am sure once you start doing that she will feel more open towards you and treat you like her daughter rather than DIL

Sometimes you have to keep quiet to maintain the "peace" at home. When 2 people are angry and arguing, the arguing will never end if both go on and on. Only when one stops, the fight/arguing ends. Its like fire and kerosene, and fire and water.
WHen you get married you have to do some adjustments in married life.
There is a saying " When in Rome, do as the Romans do"

miscellaneous · Mar 20, 2012

I agree with your co-sis. I dont think my husband would be happy or understanding if I complained about his mother to him. Thinking of it, I wouldnt like it either if someone complains about my mom unless its a really important issue.

zainabsarfraz · Mar 20, 2012

You got a smart Co-sis, she is not hypocrite but she is smart enough to know when, where and what to speak.

Must have heard a lie that saves life is worth more than 100 truths, so is this if, keeping quiet can save you from problems then why cant we just stay quiet???

See MIL-DIL relationship is the most complex relationship in world you just need to be tactfull in speaking and making comments. For eg., you dont like your MIL wearing a perticular saree now you cant just say aww what is that you are wearing plz go and change as you used to say to your mom but you should be more diplomatic and say saree is nice but i think you will look more good in this (which you think is better one) saree, it will not hurt her ego and she will compel to your words. this is just an eg but if you are tactfull in speaking you can make your MIL do anything for you.

At the end of the day you are his sons wife even she will be happy if her son is happy (same way as you think if you please MIL your DH will be happy, even MIL's do think like this)