Help me to take decsion

pvj · Mar 4, 2012

Hello everybody.
I am writing my post with too much frustation and negative thoughts.My story is about my marrige. I am good looking doctor girl from quit good family. My parents was desperate for my marrige. they were allways negative about me and want me to marry as soon as possible. After 2 months search we didnt find suitable guy so my parents started talking like ok u r marrige cant be fix and very negative about me. I was not earning so cant buy good cloths for me or can go to any parlour. After that one ok proposal come 2 me and i immediatly said yes to that boy. After i got engaged i come 2 know that this boy is having one affir and telling all lies about me and my character to everyone. Then i find out the story and told to my parents stating i dont want 2 marry this guy but on that my father replied that fault is in u so u cant adjust with anyone and now on i will not search any guy for u. After this insulting words i decide to go ahed with this marrige and ask my father some time to understand this person but he replied no and married to that boy ilmmediatly. Since before marrige that boy , his parents and relatives harrasing me emotionaly . Blaming me for anything but after marrige it increased . In the mean while i discover that my husband having another affir . But he never told the truth. He was just lieing. I tried my best but he didnt speak up truth. I told my parents but they never put any pressure on him. My husband telling me that i am his second wife. Meanwhile i have started earning decent salry and thought of leaving this person allways come to my mind. But after thinking about parents i never dare to come out and my sufferings continued. My inlaws abusing me telling all there health problems because of me and i am trying to steal the gold neckless from therehome its. My Father in law used to check my purse or bag while i am going out from there home. On all this my husband replied they are very old and my mother is psyco patient. My husband had attraction towards aged and married women. So after this he tried to be physical with my elder cousin sister and proposed one another married female. the female with whom my husband had affir called me several times without telling me her name and abuse me.On that my husband told me those phones i am getting are from my friends as i am good looking they want my marrige to break. After 3 yrs of marrige when my husband left india and gone for saudi i discover the truth of his affir . On that my husband given me explantaion that she was his true love but as he cant marry her ( Because she was alllready married having kid) so he married to me. I found out that he gave her mangalsutra just 8 days before our marrige. Now he claim that he does not have any relation with that female and ready to do anything for me. But i just could not forgive him. I can have beautiful life , i am good looking, doctor , young person but this person destoryed my all happiness. I just want on top of the wold to punish him, his family. I just want him to cry for the things he has done to me. I lost interest in my life. Any thing like festival , or valantine day, marrige aniverysary comes i feel very angry. I feel now myself dont want to be happy because all happiness he absorbed from my life . I just want to punish him and his family. Destroy him as he destored me . I know this will not be helpful. I know i need to move ahed in life but the anger and feeling of used by someone is so deep in me that now i want revange. If i talk about it to my parents they will advice me to pray and work more hard in job. And ideal things like become great doctor and help poor and bla bla bla. Help me guys

Quebec · Mar 4, 2012

Hi,

@pvj,

well my advice would be to leave your husband.

The thing is the longer you stay in this relationship more damaging it will be to you.

You are a doctor and having good salary you can look after youself and find a prespective groom who can give you all the happiness you are deserving of or you can also live comfortable on your own as may be your wish.

Being a doctor you know that if an ailment is left untreated in any body part then it can be life threatning.

Think about the future.
What will your future son/daughter learn from their father.

With all the in-laws making hell life you will wonder that i had my chance why didnt i take it.

So go ahead and live your life as you only live once.

Hope it was any help

take care
chow

poojachinoy · Mar 4, 2012

there is nothing to be helped in this...you have to take a descision,period.

my suggestion/recommendation would be divorce...its not your husbands fault for all this..your parents should be taken to task for this,acc to what you have written.when you knew he had an affair before marriage,you shouldnt have gone ahead with it..how come you being a doctor,could not stand up for your dignity and rights...ok,atleast now,take a stand!

you have a job,so stay independant..no need to go back to your parents..earn and stay seperate..

your husband,is into a string of multiple affairs,if he is willing to work on this marriage take him for marital counselling(if ONLY you think,you still want to stay with him and make this marriage work,tho personally i feel its worthless/useless!)...i dont want to blame your husband or thrash him out..because you guys knew about this before marriage and still proceeded...it was a BIG red flag!

PLEASE PLEAS PLEASE DO NOT GET PREGNANT,PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

your husband is into the philandering mode with other ladies to satisfy his ego and sexual boost.he is not fit to live with a doctor...most probably,he will never leave this habbit,as he is just not marriage material!..so dont waste your tears,life,education over this person..get out of this relationship and make a life for yourself.!

cj1980 · Mar 5, 2012

What I have to say may not be to your liking...but I'm going to say it anyway. I don't think you should be blaming your husband for the situation you are currently in. Yes, he is a philanderer and your ILs are mean and uncultured. But, they have not destroyed your life...you made a very poor decision in marrying this guy and choosing to be a part of this family even after you had all those warning signs before marriage. You got married to the wrong guy for all the wrong reasons. I suggest you stop focusing your energies on ways to destroy them! Focus on how you can get out of this mess and make better decisions in life...decisions you make for yourself and your well-being.

Whether you choose to leave this marriage or not is entirely your choice. I sincerely hope you think through your choices, are realistic about your future, and make informed decisions. Don't worry about what your parents will think or what your neighbors will say. They cannot live your life for you. Be strong and courageous. Don't allow this hatred for your husband and ILs fester inside you and destroy your inner peace and strength...if you do that, you alone are responsible for ruining your life! Good luck.

silvertulip · Mar 5, 2012

It will be better if u walk out of this marriage that's all I can say after reading ur post! And if u r his 2nd wife and if his 1st marriage is not over, ur marriage is void as per the law. Better find a lawyer and discuss ur options.

blackbeauty84 · Mar 5, 2012

There's no use blaming your parents or anybody here. You were educated & u entered the marriage knowing he had an affair.
Now as things have not changed & he is having a history of affairs better leave this person. Shifting your focus on career will be a temproary solution. At some point you may regret not taking a firm decision. Don't think about your parents or in-laws cursing. Their reaction will be like that. But u need not sacrifice your life for anyone. As an adult you are responsible for your happiness.

pvj · Mar 5, 2012

hi
Thanks guys for reply. I am completly agreed on what u say that i myself destroyed my life is very true. I am kind of emotional person so allways thinking about parents. And my parents esp. my mom cry on every little problem. but now on i will try to come out of this mess.

ProudIndian · Mar 5, 2012

Please come out of this mess as soon as possible. All this surrounding is making you negative person and absorbing your self esteem. Build your confidence, have good friends around..You have good education, you are earning make your life beautiful....you can do it....be firm not emotional and sensitive.....outside world is not that bad..GL!!

sanvi5 · Mar 6, 2012

Your life is still in your hands come out of this marriage. You married him for the sake of your parents now your in deep trouble. Are your parents able to help you ?. Some things are not in their control.They still might say adjust and stay with him.You should have taken control over your life not to blame your parents. Your already in hell now just try to come out of it. Dont stay there and face more and more troubles trying to compromise for the sake of your parents.

Ballereena · Mar 6, 2012

First time you sacrificed your life for your parents sake, now you are matured and independently able to live on your own. Second time do not sacrifice for any one else, be strong and live your life for yourself and your happiness. Make right decision, work on building your self esteem, create a positive environment around yourself. Believe in yourself everything will be possible.

Good Luck!!