Why divorce rate is increasing in India day by day?

Dear Pranjjal,


I never said taking care of In-laws to be girls priority. I said taking care of girls parents should be in her priority and should be upfront about it. It is very imp for girls to be bold and upfront in doing the right thing.

Regards

 

@Shalini2009, wrong number, I think you were talking to pranjjal, but written my name... lols

 

Hi,
Here are my views..
Expectations from men have become too much by seeing the female counter parts at office specially in IT field.. They want their wife to be fair, thin , good looking etc etc.. After marriage due to parental pressures they show their frustration on their wifes...being momas boys they never learn to take care of wifes...but rather accuse for everything..
During olden days as elders say most men never use to have lot of expectations from women, women use to be more submissive and they are committed to a larger extent..now things has really changed ..
Now it is like if they loose one lady (wife) they can easily get the another.. They never bother or tey to change their attitudes

 

Sorry Rissy

Regards

 

So Lakshmi, if they loose one lady, they can get another....that another is also a lady right??? so isnt it that the change has to come from us also?? i.e women....why say yes to everything before marriage?? why we dont talk about what we want...I remember my sister asked her husband couple of questions before marriage..and till now he asks her why did you ask those questions..its like how can you question a MAN that too a would be alliance??

frankly speaking many marriages have inlaws issues....there are many marriages which assume DIL will take care of the inlaws...(mind you this is not explicitly said or spoke aobut in many arranged marriages...but the expectation will be there already.. on the DILs...and indirectly theyalso expect that DILs parents have to manage themselves...once married thats done deal...no more parents from DILs side...)


As Anonymou said in many of his threads...might be women have to start placing less emphasis on marriage and having kids.. and more emphasis on getting things right even before committing....(and if a man says yes to everything before marriage and doesnt stick to it...its like another story..)

 

I have the same thing to ask, why a women has to say yes to everything, and Anonymou is right in his way, that if a woman wants nuclear family, she should calrify it before marriage, but here is a counter question then, WHY many times, woman is not allowed to clarify what she wants or express herself. Few months back I saw one post wherin someone asked, a girl who talks about nuclear family before marriage is considered spoiled brat in our country. So if you tell a guy that you are not willing to stay under same roof with inlaws, chances are there that you might get rejected right away even though the guy has planning to stay seperate from his parents, but how can a girl DARE to demand such thing, that means she is a girl with no values! Here getting rejected is not a problem, but the way he, his family, relatives and the girl's relatives percieves about her, that what a spoiled brat, how dare she demands nuclear family, aaj kal ki ladkiyan inko suru se aazadi chahiye, it is the parent's fault to not teach their daughter anything blah blah etc.etc. Not only she might get rejected by majority of guys (even those who are already planning to stay seprate), but she will be bashed among-st relatives for demanding such thing. But why can't it is seen assertively here by people and society, that she is being transparent and clear about her thoughts and its not like right now she takes a diplomatic approach and later try to manipulate her husband's relation with his family to fullfill her intentions to get nuclear setup. So while you question that why a girl has to say yes to yes, I too have a question that why sometimes our society not let the girl to express freely on some matters and clarify about her thoughts about what she expects and what she wants? Is wanting a nuclear setup but still caring for inlaws, is a sin? And there are many other matters on which girls sometimes don't dare to clarify as she fear being judged or misunderstood in a wrong way.

One more example I can give is, I have a cousin brother, he had nothing such special in himself, when he interviewed with one girl for marriage, the girl clarified with him that I like to wear western clothes like jeans after marriage and won't like to get bound that since I am dil, I am only supposed to wear saree etc., on hearing this, my cousin rejected her which is not a problem, but most surprising thing is, he told infront of us, that I would not mind if my wife wear western, infact I would love her to wear, but the girl is daring to demand this, then I can't select her. If right now she is demanding in meeting itself, then after marriage she might demand diomand necklace. I would like to give my wife on my own will with my own happiness, but I would never give if she demands for the same, because it is in women's nature that if you fullfill her one demand, she might climb on man's head. So I will let my wife wear western, but if she ask or clarify about it before marriage then I can't marry her. I will give on my own, but not if she demands for it. This was his mentality. But this story didn't ended here, he and his parents spread this news amongst all relatives and people, that how that girl is very demanding and have too much of freewill and was talking about giving permission to wear western after marriage, and then taking pride and bragging how they rejected her.

Now imagine, when I saw this type of atmosphere around me, how much it might have affected me. When I was interviewing guys before marriage, I was strictly told that not to ask their package or income anytime or its like I will seem as money minded person, when I asked that why not I have a right to know that about someone I am considering to spend my life with, my relatives told that they will find that out indirectly, but most of this relatives were also not trustworthy and they might too give you false info behind back. If I dare to ask, whether the guy like it or not, but his family and my own relatives might not leave an opportunity to bash me. I was instructed to not clarify before hand on what should I like to wear or I will like to do job after marriage, and I was told that get selected and married first, then try to convince him on doing job, but initially keep quite. A lot of hype and insecurity was created in my mind that I should not demand that and this or I will get rejected by all and then there will be no guys left for me. Because the way many girls like me were treated by their own family is like marriage is the last destination and getting selected by hooks and crooks should be the first priority and for that matter even you have to fake then fake, even you have to do yes to yes then do it. Sometimes its the way of upbringing and treatment/interference of parents and relatives around which effect the mind a lot.

However not all girls might had to face the situation like me, but as far as clarifying about wanting a nuclear family is still considered like taboo and most of the girl either take a safe way by finding a guy staying away from parents or take a diplomatic approach. But no one comes clear before marriage that they won't like to stay under same roof with inlaws.

 

No problem at all It is just the amount of frustration girls go thru with this inequality.


Regards,

 

yes i very much agree with parvathi, that now adays , husbands are looking for wives to contribute equally , and keep freeking andwant wives to increase the beauty amidst the stress given by him and the inlaws...