Frustration in middle aged women!

Uma1234 · Nov 25, 2011

Hi friends,This is my first posting. I ve been reading threads in this forum. Iam 41yrs happily married. My husband is 45yrs. We dont have kids.. Problem is with me. We both do not worry for that also, as we aleays feel that what god does is for good. My husband is very loving, never says no to any of my wishes, family runs as per my wishes only, i get what ever I want, If i like something he will get it for me without even asking. Any women would liketo have a husband likehim.

We had a proper sex life till afew years ago. Butnow, there is nothing called "sex"happening between us. He has a very tensionous job and I can understand it, I have also not taken this seriously till a year ago, but now, my menopause has started and i am feeling so very frustrated, i spoke to him regarding this, and he said that, i am expecting too much from him, and he has lost interest in sex. This makes me reallywild and it happens only for 10days once my periods are over. I thesedays feel wheatherit is wrong on my part to expect it from my husband.

Due to over frustration, i tend to fight with him. More, and i get irritated during these days. I spoke to some of. My friends, they say that it is quiet possible in middle ages, women tend to long for sex more, but it is unfortunate that my husband has lost interest. I would like to know if it is true.

I googled about this and was amazed to find that so many men have complained about their wifes not co operating with them in bed, my doubt is, is it happening the other way round only for me or if anybody else is also going through the same stage. Does sexual feelings for women increases as ages goes by? I cannot talk about these things to my parents. I would like some elders to reply for my queries.

ThanKs

Uma.....

flowerlady · Nov 25, 2011

Middle age is a very tricky period in a couples life. The wife goes through menopause and expects the DH to be supportive but he has his own problems!
Actually middle-aged men go through their own mid-life crisis called andropause (google to find out more) and have to deal with their falling levels of energy , the fact that they are no longer young disturbs them too . Many men worry about the beginning of old age , career prospects , and losing youthful looks.
Mid age also signals various types of complaints and medications which lessen desire. Diabetes is a known culprit , BP medicines also affect the libido.
Generally women take menopause in their stride and go through it comfortably , but you can visit a doctor who can help you.
Age plays an important part in physical intimacy.
Its a fallacy that men dont age , they do , like women. Its a myth that only women grow old and men stay young forever.
You are irritated because your hormone levels are adjusting to a new phase .

JGVR · Nov 25, 2011

The sex drive between couples varies at various times of their lives.Do not worry and do not get frustrated.Consult a gynec.Your mood swings are due to menopause and doctor will help you with that.You said that so far your husband had been supportive.So stay calm and focus your mind on other hobbies,soon things will be fine.

karthikshetty · Nov 25, 2011

Masturbation is a good way of addressing your sexual drive. If your partner is reluctant to co-operate due to any physical, pyschological or stress factor, you can always talk to him about it. In this modern age, there are n number of stimulants available to improve one's sex drive. See a counselor, watch a romantic movie, or quite simply find ways to spice up your sex life.

Hope your situation improves

GeethaMR · Nov 25, 2011

Uma, it is completely normal for a spouse to expect mental, emotionl and physical attention from the other. Sometimes, due to stress, the spark starts to diminish leaving couples ravished.

Moreover, when such an intimate aspect of married life is affected, the affected spouse feels neglected. The affect in the mind is more than that on the body. Slowly, this thought process of being unloved takes root and frustrates even more.

It is great that you have an understanding spouse. If i may suggest something, visit along with your DH to any reputed Ayurvedic doctor because for reviving marital harmony, a counseling + rejuvenation process "Vajikaran chikitsa" is followed. I hope that your DH will accompany you to the doctor's place. Once the stress level is brought down, the interest in marital life is rekindled. This chikitsa revives the state of both the partners, thus both are at an even level.

Maybe in a few months time, the loving relationship is revived .

See if you can do so.

Regards,
Geetha

SallyR · Nov 25, 2011

Hi Uma, I would try to analyse the situation calmly as possible. You say things were good a year ago. Try to find out what changed at that time. Is it just your menopause or did anything else change, like he starting new medication, job role change, relationship with friends, anything at all. Think about your behaviour, has menopause affected your nature in anyway? One more thing other than sex has he changed in any other way? If you can of something that you think could be the reason; then you can try to find a possible solution.

If none of the above applies then I think you should try to have some fun together with him without any expectations.

tashidelek2002 · Nov 26, 2011

I am wondering why you think that you are in menopause....what are your symptons or has a gynecologist confirmed through hormone analysis?

Stress can affect sex drive to some extent but sex is also a stress reliever and it can go the other way also. Perhaps is your husband bored with the same old thing? Have you tried some new stuff lately/ever?