Life is a question mark for me now !!!!

OP:
I also think, based on what you have said, that this problem with your husband is a lost cause. He is hiding more than you know....all of us sense it. I want you also to think about later in your marriage if you have other problems (all marriages have them)....how is he going to handle those problems???? I do not think that he is a guy you are going to be able to rely on to make good decisions or man up to his responsibilities. He has taken the easy route many times (with your willing participation) and now see where you are.

There is a reason divorces were invented...so that people in really bad situations don't hvae to suffer forever. Divorce is like going to the dentist: you don't want to do it, you do it only when you are really need to.

 

It is wiser to run while you can than dread the run/distance till you cripple.

 

4 Years is a long time.
You can go back and check on my story. Sounds similar to yours. You will go mad if you stay in this marriage - blunt but true.
Get divorce. It is going to be tough but then you deserve everything that marriage has to offer. Also, as a human being sex is a need like hunger. Don't think about what will happen later and all that. As long as you have parents to stand by you, faith and belief in God, things will work out for better.
You have to move on dear. I totally understand where you are bcoz I have been there before. Good Luck! God bless!

 

Sweety!!! Please....it is him ...not you...he used to tell me the same...that i am no good, he is handsome, smart, very sought after....Know what I am very beautiful, smart, intelligent and liked generally by everyone as a person.
It is him. Not you. Get out of marriage!!!It is nto worht it. I lost my health, weight..... All this give it a chance, give it a try talks.... you don;t need lot of time for such things.

I once saw a movie where two children were stranded off in an island. They grow up by themselves and when thye come of age, they get attracted, have sex, give birth to a baby, figure out where the baby comes from, how t obreast feed the baby...etc.

Sex shouldnt be this difficult. 3.5 years of giving myself to him and the way I was treated once I left him...like nobody fro mhis family cared for all that I went through. You come to one man at the end of the day, and if he doesnt touch you....I know the feeling.Get out. GET OUT FAST.

 

Oh dear, don't get hurt by his words.That useless fellow again started giving some useless comments.

You know what , I have seen some really handsome guys happily living with their average looking wives.He is just a crap.Don't take his words to your heart.Get out from there.

 

you just spelt out emotional abuse. You are in an abusive relationship burningsoul. You need to decide what you want to do about it. But it is important that you acknowledge that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. The biggest trait of an emotionally abusive relationship is the sense of false safety that the abuser puts the abused in. You think that you have a happy marriage, but that's not really true. In all possibility this kind of cruelty in words extends to all other phases of his life. No one, absolutely, no one has any right to put you down or make you feel bad. Why did he marry you if he didn't think you were good enough for him? WHY? he made a personal choice to marry you for you. Marriage is never about looks. It is about accepting the other person as they are and not exploiting the other partner. Your marriage clearly doesn't fit into this definition.

Please check out this link to understand more about emotional abuse - Emotional Abuse - Emotional Abuse is a Type of Domestic Violence

Also run a general google search on emotional abuse and domestic violence to understand more about it. Emotional abuse is a form of domestic violence. You not doing yourself any favour by sticking in this marriage. I had the exact same situation as yours. My husband and in laws used to tell me that I was fat (I was 55kg), dark (I have a very dusky complexion that is actually considered sexy in the west) and did not know how to conduct myself or speak english. Post my divorce, I worked as an English language journalist writing for some of India's finest newspapers. Of course, when I was being told all these things, I always thought it was my fault. I felt ugly. Immediately after my separation, I was unable to even look at myself in the mirror. I was only 21 at the time. My mother made me stand naked in front of the mirror every morning and say out aloud that I was the most beautiful woman in the world a couple of times. It took a long time for me to gain my self-confidence. Today, I have reached a stage where no one can make me feel bad about how I look. I am what I am, if you don't like it, please go take a hike!

My new DH is super fit physically. He has washboard flat abs and is working on 6 packs now. I have quite tummy, and I am not a bit overweight. I weight more than he does actually. But we have an amazing sex life. He'll never ever say anything bad about how I look. In fact, he tells me that I look lovely a couple of times a day. Every time I dress up, he always has a compliment for me. This is what you deserve girl, not some jerk who doesn't know how to appreciate you.

I got a divorce at the right time. Now I am super-happy with my second DH. If I had stayed with my first husband, I would've rotted into oblivion. My divorce was the best decision I took in my life.

 

Dear BurningSoul,
Your DH is eroding your self confidence, your self esteem and self respect. You will turn into a nervous wreck blaming yourself for everything while he enjoys seeing you in turmoil.

If he wanted to marry a movie star he should have done it. Why is he lamenting now ?
You should learn to give it back and ask him why he did not do it ??
If you keep on digesting all the insults and saving face for him then he will be encouraged .
Actually he knows that he is in the wrong and is trying to heap blame on you so that you keep quiet.
It can have a devastating effect on your health and well-being. If you are sitting at home then take up a job, volunteer , join a course , think of becoming independent.
Give yourself a time limit , and tell your DH about it, if he tries to rectify the situation then well and good otherwise move on.
No one can spend decades in such a deadend marriage where one is made to feel inferior.

 

Yeah, I totally think he is GAY !!

 

Living with him or not living with him is your choice as you know the situation better.

But please do not allow him to abuse you emotionally.He is shaking your confidence and trying to shift the blame on you .You should not be allowing him to do this.This IUI thing somehow seems not so right.Then he would show the world that he is a man and there is no problem with him but it is you who is creating issues unnecessarily.Do not fall for his emotional dramas.He seems to be very manipulative.What stops you from questioning him or back answering him?Atleast you could be sarcastic when he gives such c*** like you are not attractive and hence he does not feel anything.You could say something like "yeah probably that could be the reason and I do not think you are not capable" or something like that you know.You should let him know that you do not buy his BS anymore and you purely believe he is INCAPABLE.