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Change husband's habits

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by nightingale786, Oct 6, 2011.

  1. Oct 6, 2011 #1
    nightingale786

    nightingale786 New IL'ite

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    Hi, I have this weird problem with my husband. He tell lies for each and every small things also. what i mean is he will have answers for every thing. To give an example, if i ask him to put rice for dinner, he doesn't clean the vessel , instead he will simply add rice to that used vessel and put rice. If i see that and ask him about it, he says..'you haven't looked at it properly ..i have cleaned it already' ..initially i thought may be i was wrong sometimes. But, he lies almost 90% in a day for silly things also. I have noticed the same thing with my MIL also.

    She came here to stay with us now for sometime and i can see the exact behaviour from her(99%). She tell lies to my fil all the time.After spending time with them, he is telling lies more than earlier.

    He is a typical momma's boy and listens to whatever his mom says. He doesn't even accept that he is telling lies. If i say that to him, he says 'may be i have done without knowingly' to please me once an year..

    I am not able handle that behaviour. On the top of that, she will always preach what to do, how to do and he will do the same things as per her wishes..

    One more problem i am facing is, whenever i talk about my parents or any small thing related to parents(ex: even if i talk about a dress that my mom sent) , he will immediately turn his face to the other side.(there was no such thing happened earlier between them to cause this behaviour). Once i asked him why he is doing that. He hit me badly and asked me to get out of his house. He said i am unnecessarily making comments. He didn't even treat my parents well when my parents were here to help me out for a short time. He didn't even respond to their basic needs also..though i am working, i was not in a position to help them out that time, which i feel very bad about it.

    after my mil came here, she told me in front of my husband that it is ok to beat one's wife and i should not cry for such kind of small things. I was really shocked. I am trying to be calm and diplomatic at times..

    Please write me some good words or soothing words. I am doing my best not to feel bad..i am doing meditation, yoga etc..but still things are bothering some times. I am not able to sleep properly on some days because of these issues.
     
    nightingale786, Oct 6, 2011
    nightingale786, Oct 6, 2011
    #1
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  2. Oct 6, 2011 #2
    SSC

    SSC Platinum IL'ite

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    Well, these are the things that I would think about, if I were you!

    And NO, beating up one's wife is not normal, and you dont have to put up with that crap, any day!!
     
    SSC, Oct 6, 2011
    SSC, Oct 6, 2011
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  3. Oct 7, 2011 #3
    omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    Hitting and beating is not correct.

    Tell him clearly that he SHOULD NOT HIT AGAIN. If he does you would take action whatever is required. And next time tell your MIL that you dont think hitting is correct and you wont take it anymore.

    Lies-Yes this is irritating. Whenever he lies just smile and tell that you know thats lie. People usually lie out of fear. I guess he get feared that you caught him. This thing can be changed but slowly.
     
    omnam, Oct 7, 2011
    omnam, Oct 7, 2011
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  4. Oct 7, 2011 #4
    blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    Hitting you for that silly reason????
    Actually getting physically abusive for any reason is not reliable but hitting you just because u asked him why he doesn't like hear anything about your parents is really hilarious.

    And and his mom supporting that wives can be hit, My god what are these ladies up to?

    Put your foot down and say next time you won't entertain such things.

    Regarding him treating your parents, probably if you act little cordial to his mother may be things will change with the way he behaves with your parents.
     
    blessed, Oct 7, 2011
    blessed, Oct 7, 2011
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  5. Oct 8, 2011 #5
    Meera101

    Meera101 New IL'ite

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    u know what- HIT the LIAR next time....tell him this is your rule...it is OKAY to HIT THE LIAR....ridiculous...how our indian husbands behave and MILs make us feel that we are outsiders in the house we come to live leaving our whole world behind....something is so so wrong with our society....dear, forgive me...but i am very angry just thinking about how he behaves and has the guts to hit you and MIL saying its okay if husband hits a wife...ask that lady is lying OKAY? May be next time you can just say to ur H- I know you are lying. Thats all. shame him into behaving properly....
    And about hitting, ask him, was his mother hit by his father? will he be ok with his sister being hit? who is he to discipline you? should you discipline him for his lying by hitting him?
     
    Meera101, Oct 8, 2011
    Meera101, Oct 8, 2011
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  6. Oct 8, 2011 #6
    ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hii,
    Beating is not acceptable.. next time if ur inlaw says then threaten her tht ur dad has high political influence and can do any thing/ u will tell to cops.. she will sit calm for the entire life..Trust me
    some lie a lot, it is their attitude..we cant really help/change them.. it is waste of time arguing..
    thr is one family in our ground floor and tht women lies for evry small petty issues..she knws she is wrong but she will not change..ppl r like tht
     
    ivlakshmi, Oct 8, 2011
    ivlakshmi, Oct 8, 2011
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  7. Oct 8, 2011 #7
    Menhavefeelings

    Menhavefeelings New IL'ite

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    i'm a man and I have lied in the past to my wife for silly things. The reason I did that was because my wife used to make a big fuss and looses her temper when I do somthing differently (these are for real silly matters).
    I believe your husband wants to avoid these unplesant situations with some white lies.
    Pleaes extend him some support and dont make an enemy out of him for silly matters, its ok when certain silly things are done differently...everyone is different.
    Hitting a wife is not somthing a man shoud do..we all agree that...
    Im not sure the exact situation why he did that and not sure what made him do that...but remember when there is no way out..a man can give his life for his family...
    agreed he did a mistake...but be patient...forgive him..and try to understand him and win him...afterall he is part of your family...
    respect him for what he is and he will resond in love...
     
    Menhavefeelings, Oct 8, 2011
    Menhavefeelings, Oct 8, 2011
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  8. Oct 8, 2011 #8
    godsgp

    godsgp Silver IL'ite

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    Changing husband's habits...if your husband is lying about silly things and is a chronic about that...don't try to change his habit ..because ultimately there is a little chance that he will change but you might get frustrated and change into an ill tempered wife.:rant
    Top of everything..you say it is a familial trait..Changing him in that case is a never go land...
    Hell I'm not discouraging you.
    I live with a loving husband since the past 7 years who is stubborn about things ..You tell him something right and he would not do it as long as he does not see the negative result himself.:bonk
    And where does he get this trait..Of course the same!Mother mother dear mother..His ..not mine ..silly
    And how do I get to know it's familial my son also has the same trait although he spends most time with me!!!
    I used to get frustrated in the beginning years of our marriage..but then i acted wise..I gave up!!
    The only thing that keeps me sane in such situations is my sense of humor.:thumbsup
    My hubby dear is otherwise is a loving man..but then nobody's perfect..he too is not..he has certain shortcomings as these but tell me are these petty things really uncomapatible with happiness!!
    Learn to be happy about the good things he has and try to ignore the negatives!!


    As far as hitting is concerned..believe me it's not only husbands but occasionally wives also do it..
    If he did that out of irritation if you were fussing a lot or really getting on his nerves(We all know when we do..but how easily we want to get away with that) and it is an isolated incident..forgive and forget..
    But if it is a part of his habit...That is unacceptable
     
    godsgp, Oct 8, 2011
    godsgp, Oct 8, 2011
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  9. Oct 8, 2011 #9
    godsgp

    godsgp Silver IL'ite

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    And guess what I just clicked on another thread in 'Diet and Nutrition' and this is what I read

    'Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections.'
     
    godsgp, Oct 8, 2011
    godsgp, Oct 8, 2011
    #9

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