distressed daughter

Hi,

First of all sorry abt ur situation. This is how I wud deal with the situation:
1) Talk to ur H abt ur plight and make him calmly understand how as a daughter it is ALSO ur responsibility to help ur parents (esp when u r doing well than ur bro).
2) If he has some financial priorities assure him tht u also value them equally but this is also imp for u.
3) Ask him as to wot is his prob in u sending money and act accordingly in tackling tht prob.
4) If all this is not working...my final step wud be I wud go ahead and help my parents no matter wot (cuz it is my duty to ask, concur and inform my H upto a cetain limit whch I've already done & it is my money too)

This is just my opinion and sorry if I said anything wrong. Good Luck!

 

I was in the same situation. My family was very badly in need of money and I couldn't help them because of my husband. That made a big rift in my family and they think that I didn't help them and stopped talking with me and my father expired in due course. I am no more in talking terms with them and it is very tough to go through this. Thinking back, I think I should have been stronger in my decision to send money. Coming to your situation, try to talk to your husband and make him understand how important it is for you to send some money to them. I know this is very difficult. Give some time. If things don't work with your husband, send money w/o his knowledge. You can play only prank with a monkey. Try to get some cash in ATM and send it thru western union so that your bank account will be clean. Don't let your parents down and suffer later like me later.

 

send them money without telling ur hubby.. if he asks give some petty reasons

 

Hi Lilac,

In your situation, I would explain my reasons to my Dh and expect the same from him. If he is the asme as my hubby and goes into a silent mode, I would give an ultimatum, very clamly say "Pls tell me ur reasons by tonight because I will be sending them money tomorrow". If there is a very genuine reason, both of you should work around it. Maybe he is scared abt the regular sending of money (monthly). Discuss a decent amount between the two of you. If no replies and no reaction, go ahead and send the money to your dear parents. I strongly believe in fulfilling your duties towards you parents ! Your DH will come around !

 

as pleading, fighting and reasoning did not work with him.
quietly send some money from western union to your parents.
and ask them not to talk about it in future.
Also regarding money, with your husband type of mentality be very careful.
save some money for yourself. dont say i dont need or anything, you WILL need it.

 

hi lilacmail,

yes negotiation doesn't work all the time. It may end up in big fight and your husband may not respect your parents. I have gone through this. I personally suggest you to put cash back everytime you shop groceries or other items. So that your cash withdrawal will not be reflected in your bank account. Then you can accumulate the money and transfer it through western union. Western union doesn't send any receipt or anytthing to your address. Try to negotiate with your husband..If not cashing back and transferring would be the best option.

 

Hi, I feel very sad about u... Though ur earning good ur unable to help ur parents...
Since u have tried pleading, begging n fighting with him n he is not ready to change his mind, I don't think there would be any use in doing the same again... U know he is not gonna change but for the last one time may be u can make him understand tht u are able to earn good n share equal responsibilities with ur hubby only because of ur parents... Tell him tht ur parents have brought u up to this position n now they are old n can no more take care of themselves... Ur far away from them n u feel bad tht ur unable to take care of them physically n so u atleast wanna take care if their needs financially... Tell him tht it's time for return(though ur parents don't expect it)... Tell him tht ur brother is not so well-off to take care of his family n parents all alone... Tell him, as a daughter u would like to share the responsibility along with ur brother... Tell him tht it's just gonna be a small amount... If u have a daughter, try asking him politely like, tomorrow when our daughter grows up n is in a good position, won't we feel happy if she gives us something whole heartedly??? Won't we feel proud??? Can't I give that happiness to my parents?? Ask him this... This could make him realize his fault...

If all this does not work, as others suggested please go ahead n help ur parents dear... Ur working hard to earn tht money... U have all the rights on the money n u really have a good heart to help ur parents... It is the responsibility of a girl n boy to look after the parents, especially if ur doing financially good...

Help ur parents in what way u can... Tht ll put a smile on ur aged parents as well as ur face... Tc...

 

If reasoning does not help just tell him that u have decided to send u r parents money and that is u r decision. He will fume for a while but eventually he will come around if he cares about you.

 

Hi Lilac,
Most DWs dislike any money being sent to Inlaws similarly DHs also do the same.
It also depends on the amount per month , for example will 100$ =Rs 5000 approx be ok ? 200$ or 300$ whatever the amount ,be specific , make life comfortable for your parents .
Also be gracious when he wants to help his family.
If you send money behind his back then he may do the same or hide his financial status.
Honesty is the best policy or you may cut a sorry figure when he finds out , it may also embarass your parents since you want to help them regularly.