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How to create an interesting married life?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by arty2010, Jul 21, 2011.

  1. arty2010

    arty2010 Bronze IL'ite

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    HI ladies,

    Is there way to be happily married even after years and years of marriage? I just want to know what IL's do to keep up the spark in their marriage in a day to day basis. Troubles come and go but what do you do to revive the wear and tear and bring the bounce back? Just a light thread( looking for inspiration:cheers ;)
     
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  2. Coffeelover

    Coffeelover Platinum IL'ite

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    Hello,
    How long have you been married? There is no such word "Happily Married" in my dictionary. In every relationship, we have ups and downs. Just to remember the good things, try your best to forget the bad stuff. I am married for 38 years and sometimes I just want to say "Quit" to my job being house wife, mom etc, etc. Then I remember if the same mistake has done by father or brother, what i could have done. I woud have asked my mom or sil to forgive them. Same things go to your DH too. He is human not "God". He will make mistakes and that is part of your married life. ( I am not talking physical, mental abuses or cheating).

    Don't be too angry. That does not mean you have to forgive him all the time. Be firm and treat him like your best friend. When he makes mistakes, tell him in private, not in front of others. Give and take are the best rule I have experienced in our marriage. Don't forget that he is your DH and treat him how you should be treated by him. Never discuss all his faults to others. It will come and haunt to you later in your life. If you want to give him advice or correct his mistakes, do it in private, not in front of others.

    Even he does something special to you, appreciate him and never compare him with anyone.

    Enjoy every moment of your life. These are my opinions. Hope to hear form others.

    CL.
     
  3. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    To add to what coffee lover is saying
    Give enough room for both of you so you will grow individually. Stay enough close to each other that you will grow together.
    Learn from the mistakes you make and also from the mistakes made by others.
    Always speak about and look forward to the future. Don't brood over the negativity you are facing at the moment.
     
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  4. rose8282

    rose8282 Platinum IL'ite

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    In addition to what has been said,I would say once in a while,just get dressed up,look good,smell good and cook some nice food.Over the dinner,you could recollect all your happy moments through the "years and years of marriage".Sometimes,that is enough to bring the spark because both of you suddenly realize how life has become mechanical and we need to spend time with each other.
     
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  5. Coffeelover

    Coffeelover Platinum IL'ite

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    Rose282 and ars,
    Yes, you have to look nice. I make a point everyday to look pleasant when he comes form work. This was told to my aunt by mother 50 years back. She was not alive ot tell me. My aunt made me promise her I should do that. One more thing is not to fight in empty stomach. If you are upset about something, have the argument after the eating. It helps. It is my personal experience. It is important to learn form mistake as ars says.

    Have a wonderful married life.

    CL
     
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  6. nandita24

    nandita24 Gold IL'ite

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    It is only in fairy tales that one lives "Happily Married" ever after. Ofcourse it's all a matter of HR. Reading a good book by Dale Carnegie can help keep a marriage 'happy' and the relationship 'cordial'.

    Well....about the 'spark'... I cannot say.... it dies after some years into the marriage or if not the case... sure it certainly dims. This is what I have gathered from talking with a number of friends.... who are otherwise 'very happily married' and they claim so loud enough in public ... though woman to woman and friend to friend there is a different story.

    Let's get real ladies!!
    Nandita
     
  7. Mahanu

    Mahanu Silver IL'ite

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    One thing I feel important to keep the flame of romance burning, is to recognise and appreciate the other person, whenever, he or she does something worth mentioning. Be it the dressing, cooking, some household work, getting up early, humming a song nicely, etc, etc. The list is endless and it is upto the person to wade through the routines to find out the nicities.

    That kind of recognition and appreciation, I think, in most cases, will create a positive impact in the mind of the spouse and that may in due course, bring down the friction between the couple. Then the spouse may also reciprocate, unless he/she has an abnormal personality. So that will help to keep up the love and romance and make the married life interesting, on most of the days, if not all the 365 days a year.
     
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  8. nandita24

    nandita24 Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Mahanu,

    At most this will keep the relationship happy and cordial but nevertheless dull and uneventful. This for a fact I have actually seen. The spark of romance could still be missing and mostly it fades, atleast a few short years down the line, after a marriage. I wonder if anyone could really recreate the experience of romance post marriage except perhaps.....rarest of rare exceptions are possible.!!!! But we are talking of the average woman/couple.
     
  9. arty2010

    arty2010 Bronze IL'ite

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    I agree with the fact that marraige is not always about the honeymoon phase but I have seen and known married couples who inspte of their differences and the struggles they have gone thru still are always bright and cheerful.

    1.Appreciating the good in each other is a very good suggestion given by friends here. A kind word of acknowledgement and approval for the efforts is enough to fuel each other to do more for the relationship. It is true that most of us go by doing our duties but a pat on the back can make a dull day worthwhile. Introvert or extrovert everybody likes to be praised for the hardwork.
    2.Also, looking good for the partner is also important. Yes, its very true. Once the couples get to kknow each other well we tend to be little laidback in our approach to looks. A different haircut/ diffferent style of outfilrs may create an interest.
    I want to add few things which I have seen in "happily married couples":

    1. Sense of humour: The most fun couple are those who are able to laugh with each other. Are able to crack jokes at themselves and knowing that it will not backfire.
    2. Sense of team spirit: The feeling that the couple is a team and that there is a special bonding is also important. That we have undergone problems amd struggles together gives confidence in the relationship.
    3. Able to forgive and forget: Forgiving first and forgetting about past bitter events is also important in marriage. Never talk and bring up the past evemts with partner so as to not relive those miserable times.
    Particularly the ones where you or your partner could nnot have controlled the course of events.
    4. Friends circle: Keeping in touch with friends who remind you of the past good times and the fum times makes you feel that certain relationships are forever like friendship and marriage. They may take different forms but are still there in times of need.
    5. Kids: Though kids take up most of our time amd energy its fun to watch our kids grow as parents.
    6. Not being sarcastic: Most ppl can take criticism but cant stand sarcastic ppl.
    7. Openness: Sometimes, due to past problems we withheild our feelings. I too do this. Later on, we move so much away from each other that its tough to feel close again.
     
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  10. MrsShantaram

    MrsShantaram New IL'ite

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    I don't know if someone has mentioned something like this before, but I read that it is good, to date your spouse as you (maybe) did before you got married.

    Date him/her - get dressed up for him only and feel good about yourself too.

    Other things are dates to wash the hair of your spouse - lol. Sounds weird, but maybe it helps.. ? I don't know, cause I am not married :)
    Date him or her and wash his head ;) (or rather hair) and ask him to do the same.

    Maybe it helps.
     

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