Friend's issue - need advice

Poor guy.. Concentrated on career in college and now pining for love..

As they say, true love will somehow join them together come whatever may, so keep us updated about what happens.

And yes, as beerbal said, you can stop with providing contact detail, if needed.

 

Don't confuse yourself and your friend too

This type of relationship will never get along through life.How its possible now?It doesn't sound any logic.

Ask 'X' to get out of this issue and get married to someone else.Later on he will also forget all this.

 

First of all, knowing that A is married, X shud not have disclosed things...he shud have thot about the good will of A and kept mum...
Try to explain to X about the outcomes of such a relationship and if he refuses to understand..just step out of this issue...It wud be wise for you to refrain from letting A know about this..as this wud make things worse...

Personally I wud not suggest you exchanging their contact details which is nothing but trying to sow a seed for a unhealthy relationship..

 

I would hope your friend A gets some practicality out of life - that if love does not succeed, be happy in the situation that life has drawn

X - that time in his own terms was right in refusing politely. However, knowing that 'A' is married, he should be decent enough to keep his feelings to himself.
Why is no one thinking of the poor husband whose life will be in shambles .

Tell X to back off A's life and you as a mediator do not give any contact informaiton

Also as a good friend, try and drive some sense into A's head about what life is all about
Once she is mature enough, then tell her that X was interested even knowing she was married.

Your friend might get a sense of closure upon hearing that and also she might understand what a guy who comes after knowing that she is married..

 

Just in case you think that you have to answer then once again this guy x comes with such crap (even knowing that your friend is married) tell him that i am not sure if you know that A is married... That says it all. and just laugh it out than to have any serious talks.

Well that guy x wd have definetly known about A's marriage considering that she was in the same group, atleast not directly but through common friends, he did nothing then what now...

And dont carry any guilt that you are not telling the words of x to your friend. Some words are better unsaid in the wrong time.

 

I think you have got some really good suggestions here telling you to stay off. Don't get involved.

X had his priorities. They were not wrong. He made his life and could not have expected A to keep waiting for him till kingdom come. He got on with his life, she got on with hers. Fair and square. Unfortunately for both of them the time frame of events in their lives did not match.

Now she has moved on with life, X should not expect her to leave what she has, hurt so many people - her parents, her husband and go along with him. What guarantee that he might not change his mind all over again? Then all you would have achieved by telling her is disturbing her peace of mind if she has finally managed to get it with great difficulty, or if she is still not at peace, then wrecking her chances of ever finding it. So please don't get involved in giving him her contact address.

As for your worry about "what if she comes to know later"? If your friend is sensible, then she should know that you did it with best intentions and that was what was best for her. And if she does not understand that, then too bad. You can at least have peace of mind knowing what you did was right. And if she stops talking to you for that, then you are frankly speaking better off without such a nitwit for a friend. So don't worry on that score now.

 

I hear that kind of logic a lot. To subscribe to such thoughts someone should think that they are better than their friends and that their values are superior to their friends and that they are more virtuous than their friends. In other words, they are putting themselves on a higher moral ground. I don't think friends should do that to friends. If it's "even" friendship, they will not take the view that somehow they have a better grasp on morals, values and judgement and that their friends are incapable of knowing what is best for them. IMO, these are the dangerous kind of friends to have.

 

I think the most important question to ask is "How is your friend's married life? Is she happy with her husband?" If she is happy and leading a comfortable life, she might really want to stick to it. You shouldn't feel guilty about advising her to go for an arranged marriage. What if this guy never turned up? Wasn't it better for her to move on, when she did?

You said he already has her contact. So if he wants to he will contact her. Forget about him.Then it would be your friend's call to make. But I would think he should be really selfish if he will contact her, knowing she's married now.

 

If I were in your position - Riya, I'd lose all respect for both X and A - if the above happens. That is just disgusting if any of X or A act out on it - very unfair to A's Hubby.

But its my opinion. Eventually, its X's life, A's life (and how you maintain your relationship riya is your prerogative). The consequences for actions each one takes in life - belongs to them.


Good Luck to all involved.