Is it a fact or a myth?

Hi Mrs.True.

A very nice thread started by you. :thumbsup

My dh and I, we both have fights but at the end of the day if we are not speaking to each other, my dh will go nuts. I am more strong headed than him. He will appear to be more aggressive but he is more soft at heart and he will get me to start speaking to him again. (which I do love very much:rotfl)

My opinion is we shouldn't fight just to fight but on the other hand we shouldn't suppress our frustrations either just to keep peace in the family. In the long run there will be explosions in Marriage because of suppressed emotions if we do not deal with those indifferences right then and there. Don't you agree.

So, I will go with

Fights between couples are inevitable (At least in my opinion, if we truly love our spouses, we will keep it real, our emotions and also try to work on ourselves so there will be few fights in the future because we are understanding what triggers each other.):coffee

 

Good thread MST:thumbsup

A fight for me is defined as the moment when my husband looses his temper.I would go silent at that time,just to avoid more heart breaks for myself.

I never go for silent treatments,because he will remain silent forever.He is extremely strong headed and can live without talking to me.Hence I never take such risks.

I should say marriage matures with age.When I look back,I find myself funny for initiating fights for invalid reasons.But the initial days of marriage life is extremely precious and one should spend it nicely without much fights.

 

Very thought provoking thread indeed MST and I would be very interested in seeing the responses as well.
I dont think difference of opinion among couples is a myth.
Infact most couples I have seen are not clones of each other
They agree on some issues,meet half-way on a few issues and vehemently disagree with each other on others.

Is it the same in our household ?Absolutely.

However fight according to me is not when we both dont see eye to eye but when
the desire to hold onto our respective views and having our own way becomes more important than amicably arriving at a solution .Its a fight when we both are consumed by the need to prove to the other how our way of looking at an issue is superior of the two.

How often does this happen..Used to happen often enough in the early years. Over time we both have mellowed a lot and kind of morphed into each other. We know each others likes and dislikes instinctively now and we subconciously take them into account. Many times DH says..I would have picked this up /done this but then I realised u might not like it..and so let it go. I do that too(surprising myself in the process!)

Do we still fight..by my own definition yes.... Its not a once a day or once a week ritual but neither is it a once a year/decade phenomenon..It happens every once in a while but we try not to let it go on for long.If it goes on for more than an hour then it typically means one of us is deeply hurt..and the other usually backs off.

There u go MsTrue...a rather long answer for ur poll

 

I would say all couples fight. The definitions and intensities of fights would vary from couple to couple. Major fights over major issues leading to a split are a different kettle of fish.

In the context of a "normal" marriage (if one can refer to any one kind of marriage as normal or another as abnormal) a fight would range from a silly "tu tu main main" to disagreements over issues (which may be resolved) to somewhat more involved fights where there is either a heated exchange of words or a cold war. Intolerance to irritants in the partner's behaviour or personality often causes a war of words. What triggers off a "fight", how it pans out and how long it lasts would depend on the individual personalities involved as well as the maturity levels of the parties concerned.

Even this will change over time as couples live together for longer and a degree of tolerance (or a degree of fight-weariness) sets in. Earlier when we used to quibble, I would go off into a huff and dh would come and pacify me. Although he is not very voluble, he does not hold onto things too long. With him everything blows off quickly. Later the battles started ending in longer periods of silence (the time between his going to work and coming back after which he would behave very normally as if nothing happened. It is hard for me to keep up a stiff front in the face of this behaviour). Nowadays we have plenty of arguments. But we have words and then immediately change the topic and calm prevails again. End of story.

Do we fight? Yes. In my definition any disagreement is a "fight". Disagreements will be. They will lead to words. That being as it is, by definition, "fights" will be. And let me tell you, if I don't have at least a mock fight from time to time, I find life very monotonous and boring. What is life without differences? Where there is no difference there is only indifference.

 

Hi mstrue
Nice thread asusual
FACT:married couples fight
MYTH:married couples do not fight.(I wonder often when my mil says that her daughter will never fight with her dh.)
According to me the definition for fight is any arguments between the couples.There has to be fights which will really make us to understand our spouse well.
The duration of our fights was one or two days during the initial days of our marriage.But now it is not more than half an hour.the pass of time made us mature and now me and my dh always compromise after fights admitting our mistakes and forgiving our mistakes.
A GREAT MARRIAGE IS NOT WHEN THE PERFECT COUPLE COMES TOGETHER.IT IS WHEN AN IMPERFECT COUPLE LEARN TO ENJOY THEIR DIFFERENCES-ANONYMOUS

 

Hi mstrue,

Good topic actually to discuss with. Me and my dh end up in fights or so called arguments it make us burst out the pros and cons which makes us understand the views of both and i think it is the boost for us to turn the life more meaning ful. Always when we burst out all our frustrations and views we feel releived.

So :cheers

All the best for Happy arguments & Happy fighting

 

Hi mstrue :hiya

I remember reading articles from few psychologist that if a couple says they don't fight, it means they don't love each other. When there's no love, they are not bothered about each other and no expectations so no arguments and fights. In the court ship period if no fights take place, one of them is actually cheating the other with no intention to get married or trying to fake that he/ she is 100% perfect with no bad qualities (which definitely cannot be true).

In my case, my hubby and I OF COURSE do fight. We used to fight even during court ship. Fights got frequent when we first got married, mainly due to in laws. Trust me, after those fights we came to understand each other more and our bond got stronger.

Now after being married for 5 years, the fights are very less. Whenever we find our arguments are going to lead to big fights, we stop talking. If it's something important than we'll discuss it again later once we both a calm. But of course once in a while, there is fight with some exchange of harsh words that we regret later.

 

I kind of agree with you. If we go with your definition of fights, then I would say it is entirely possible to have a fight free life. But I think it could take some time to reach that kind of understanding.

My in-laws are one such couple...I've never seen them fight (by your definition of fight). Of course they've difference of opinion but the way they express it and move on from it avoids it from developing into a fight. I used to ask my dh about how they’re so compatible and have they always been like this. He said that they used to fight more when he was little boy, but it was less and less as he was growing up. I think now they’re at a point where they’re in-tune with each other’s emotions and needs. It’s not as if they don’t love each other, I have seen their love for each other lot of times.

Now if you ask me I think if it’s possible for me to have a fight free life with my dh then I’m not so sure. We fight far less than we used to. Does that mean it’ll be close to nill when we get old. I don’t have the answer. To be honest I do enjoy a fight a once in a while and like making up afterwards. We try not to carry over the fight to the next day. We both generally forgot about the fights and don’t hold any negative feelings after the fight.