1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

i love my husband, but what shall i do pls help

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by swekiran, Apr 26, 2011.

what shall i do

Poll closed Feb 20, 2012.

  1. go and stay with my hubby in village

    12 vote(s)
    75.0%

  2. stay alone and improve my career

    1 vote(s)
    6.3%

  3. stay with my parents

    1 vote(s)
    6.3%

  4. do a small job in village

    4 vote(s)
    25.0%
Multiple votes are allowed.
Page 1 of 3
  1. Apr 26, 2011 #1
    swekiran

    swekiran Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    86
    Likes Received:
    76
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    hi all,
    firstly i want to give an introduction of me.i am the only child to my parents.in dec 2008 i got engaged to my brother in law(distant relative) who is also only son of his parents.he belongs to a remote village but was staying in hyderabad searching for a job.
    i thought that he would definitely stay in hyderabad which is my place and accepted the proposal.later while i was talking to him one day he said that he would start a business in his village.i was very shocked and said him clearly that i would never leave my career and stay idle in a village. then he managed me by telling that he would search a right job for my qualification or else shift him self to my place but never leave me alone. i accepted the condition and we got married. after marriage i had 2 years to complete my education. he stayed with me for these 2 years and now he says that since he is the only son want to settle only with his parents.and his parents also want the same.they all are very good but should i sacrifice my job my career to stay with my DH or stay alone in hyderabad.in village there is not much scope for me to have a job.my DH has no interest in earning money he just wants his parents.but without earning at this young age what can we expect for future.
    i cannot leave him and stay alone in my place.but how to convince him?
    pls help me. am i thinking the right way or my DH? am being too selfish to drag him away from his parents.pls help me
    thanks in advance.
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2011
    swekiran, Apr 26, 2011
    swekiran, Apr 26, 2011
    #1
    Loading...

    Similar Threads
    1. eshu09

      No Love From My Husband Am I Overthinking

      eshu09, Sep 4, 2022, in forum: Married Life
      Replies:
      3
      Views:
      2,283
      SGBV
      Sep 4, 2022
    2. Reesha

      Is It Must To Serve Husbands Family To Prove My Love?

      Reesha, Jun 10, 2020, in forum: Married Life
      Replies:
      16
      Views:
      5,122
      Novalis
      Jun 21, 2020
    3. Reesha

      Lost Love On Husband And On Family Responsibilities

      Reesha, Jun 14, 2019, in forum: Married Life
      Replies:
      4
      Views:
      2,232
      senorita2019
      Jun 21, 2019
  2. Apr 26, 2011 #2
    samraa

    samraa Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    340
    Likes Received:
    40
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: i luv my hubby but what shall i do pls help

    hi swekiran,

    you should have been more clear with your husband before marriage.are your il's really old and are unable to manage on their own?can you arrange some kind of help for them and go see them every weekend ? try talking to tour dh about it.-fair enough he wants to be by their side ,but career,school ,your job is important too.are u staying with your parents and is he feeling uncomfortable? is it not possible to take up a home based job if you really need to go?
     
    samraa, Apr 26, 2011
    samraa, Apr 26, 2011
    #2
  3. Apr 26, 2011 #3
    swekiran

    swekiran Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    86
    Likes Received:
    76
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: i luv my hubby but what shall i do pls help

    hi thank u samra for ur reply my ils are not at all old they are very strong enough that when we go there i we hav no work at all to do.i was very clear before marriage but my DH was reserved and even he didnot try to talk to me before marriage.it was that i called him n talked for the first time and now i donot have any idea of work from home based jobs.are they really available? i completed my btech. please suggest me.
     
    swekiran, Apr 26, 2011
    swekiran, Apr 26, 2011
    #3
  4. Apr 26, 2011 #4
    samraa

    samraa Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    340
    Likes Received:
    40
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: i luv my hubby but what shall i do pls help

    There are plenty of home based jobs like data entry,medical transcription and many more.check the hyderabad classifieds and will you definately find one.
     
    samraa, Apr 26, 2011
    samraa, Apr 26, 2011
    #4
  5. Apr 26, 2011 #5
    swekiran

    swekiran Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    86
    Likes Received:
    76
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: i luv my hubby but what shall i do pls help

    thank u samraa
     
    swekiran, Apr 26, 2011
    swekiran, Apr 26, 2011
    #5
  6. Apr 26, 2011 #6
    asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    3,369
    Likes Received:
    365
    Trophy Points:
    183
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: i luv my hubby but what shall i do pls help

    Your husband isn't interested in earning money? As in, he won't even get a job when he goes back to the village?

    I don't know what is with guys parent obsession, but I feel he shouldnt have gotten married then if all he wants to do is sit unemployed in a village staring at his parents faces. It's ridiculous.

    What about your own retirement fund? What about day to day expenses? What about saving for a house, travel, kids, etc? Doesn't he want any of that?

    Also, what is his definition of 'taking care' of his parents? If they are well enough to be living on their own.... what exactly will you and him be doing for them? Basically I think 'taking care of parents' has come to mean 'I wish to go home and entertain my parents like a russian dancing bear'. The Indian family system has become like a circus act. Instead of you both working and getting settled in the prime of your life, he wants to go back and hang out around the house amusing his parents.

    I think you should ask him what his future plans are, and how you could possibly accomplish anything in life with you both being unemployed in the middle of nowhere.

    Maybe he is planning to pray for a son so that he can get off without doing any work in life, and simply rely on his adult children to care for him and you in old age. Doesn't that sound fun and responsible!!
     
    asuitablegirl, Apr 26, 2011
    asuitablegirl, Apr 26, 2011
    #6
  7. Apr 26, 2011 #7
    sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,618
    Likes Received:
    438
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: i luv my hubby but what shall i do pls help

    Try to explain to him that you too love his parents and will not stop him from doing his duties towards his parents. But they are still healthy and strong, so there's no hurry to look after them now.

    It's now time to work and save for his family, future and old age.
    We need money to live and to look after parents.

    Assure him that you both will look after his parents when they are old and need someone to be around. For now, he can send some money to them every month and visit them occasionally or ask them to visit you.

    Tell him to work and save up first, then maybe later when he retires from work, he can run a business in his village. He may have changed his mind by then.
     
    sadwife, Apr 26, 2011
    sadwife, Apr 26, 2011
    #7
  8. Apr 26, 2011 #8
    Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,937
    Likes Received:
    1,469
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: i luv my hubby but what shall i do pls help

    Just wondering what kind of business he wanted to start?Is that in the village.Or typically most of the villages have near by towns and that's where the mosts of the things happening.

    Here is the thing.Most of my relavites,who lives in village never able to live there because of childeren education.

    Is that really a village or town.There is huge difference between those two.you need to figure it out.

    Typically towns will have good schools as well as other options.If you intersted to participate in your husband's business that's a good sign.In business ,always there is a need of second hand.There are lot of successful business in towns.

    May be you better visit him with him once and understand the better situation.

    You said,he doesn't have interest to earn money.Does he has already established properties in village?

    I would suggest,don't leave everything and go thereIf he is really stubborn,first let him settle there and you make some trips here and there and understand the situation better and come to some conclusion.

    But don't panic.
     
    Priya16, Apr 26, 2011
    Priya16, Apr 26, 2011
    #8
  9. Apr 26, 2011 #9
    SanjuReddy

    SanjuReddy New IL'ite

    Messages:
    96
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: i luv my hubby but what shall i do pls help

    Hi..

    Even i think that u shd have been more open to ur DH before marriage.
    What is ur DH's qualification? I asked this question bcoz i want to know whether he can survive with his business in a small village?

    Sorry if i am wrong but i want to tell u abt my friend who married a village guy and settled in that village.She is also from hyderabad.Her life style and way of thinking is totally different but her husband dont try to understand her and always try to control her... like he tells her to follow a village girl qualities and many things which i cant explain u here.U have to adjust to many things in a village..ur customs, interest and mainly neighbours interference.

    Talk to ur parents first and take a decision based on that.

    Coming to work from home options...there are many many options u can have.U can search in google and classifieds.Or else u can have ur own business there.
     
    SanjuReddy, Apr 26, 2011
    SanjuReddy, Apr 26, 2011
    #9
  10. Apr 26, 2011 #10
    GeethaMR

    GeethaMR Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    314
    Likes Received:
    77
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: i luv my hubby but what shall i do pls help

    Swekiran , i feel both you and the spouse ar very young right?
    If you are 22 yrs, he must be close to that age right?
    Maybe you can request to give more time in the city so that you an build closeness in your marriage

    May i ask a question:Why did you get married early at 20 yrs while Btech?
     
    GeethaMR, Apr 26, 2011
    GeethaMR, Apr 26, 2011
    #10
Page 1 of 3

Share This Page