A little background: Married for 13yrs, have kids, lived in US for 9yrs, moved to India few years back.
Each time I try to put forth my idea about money management, my H, says, "you be quiet and listen and do as I say, are you or me, earning? what do you know about money"?
I have never bought anything without his knowledge. It is 13yrs we are married.
Some of women I know demand so many things from their husband but my wish list is always empty and still he has to bring up the fact that I dont earn.
There was my cousin's wedding and I urged my husband to buy good dress for himself to wear for the wedding and he yelled at me ..." do you know how much expenditure that would be? can't I come to the wedding wearing the shirt I have at home? you go and earn then you will know what it takes!!!"
Even for buying a shirt costing 500rs or at max 1000rs, I have to hear that from him. Just so you will be thinking how much he must be earning to talk like this, I will tell you, he earns pretty well. It is comparable to a higher middle class income in India.
If I go and get a shirt for him, he says....."mind your own business, you didnt have to do that for me, and henceforth don't spend like that, I dont like it.....did you get that in your head??....blah, blah, blah!!!.....................
Really, seeing this attitude of his, I started working, salary not as much as his though. He was always moving, changing jobs, and so I could not get settled in one job at any time. He is fine with me being a housewife at other times but when I bring about spending on something he blurts out as if to remind me that since I am a housewife I should not question him on money matters.
I dont have a huge collection of sarees like some other ladies and I dont feel unhappy about it. I am fine but even when my demands are very very minimal why does he talk like that to me??
I feel more sad because he does not even spend on himself inspite of earning pretty decently and I cant even tell him to buy something for himself and he will not like it if I get without his knowledge.
He will not like if my dresses are faded or even slightly torn. He will ask me to go get new ones and I will do exactly that. I know I should not spend much and so I will be careful but still he says, "be careful with your spending, we have so much expenditure ahead....ok?"
When I tell him I know that he will say, "Yeah, you know but you get carried away too, seeing some fancy useless stuff".
I fee like retorting immediately but stop myself thinking in my head....
"UGH! And when was that?"
I have never bought anything above 500rs without taking his permission. YES!
And still he says that, even infront of his parents he says I spend much.
We have a house, though not a huge one, a 2 bedroom apartment of our own,paid off fully, we have all the gadgets needed for a family, though not luxury ones but necessary ones atleast and some savings. We even have couple of land assets too.
Kids are fine and doing good and I am not a spendthrift too and above all his is a good job but why does he still have that sort of anxiety when it comes to money, I dont know.
And Ilites I realise that since he is earning member he needs to be given that chance to make decisions.
Please analyse and write back......