Me... back again

Hi friends,

I know you all seemed very happy for me, thinking that now all things turned up well for me. I too was happy initially but of late things have gone very bad. And I was also feeling too bad to write down after getting all you people's good wishes and compliments.

Things didnt work out as promised by my hubby or expected by me. It was as though my hubby was not feeling as himself after his promise to me of making our relationship work. I guess he felt more suffocated in the change.

He gets more upset these days and many a times have even told me to leave the house directly. Once even i moved out because of the tiring life and no love, leaving the kids with him, but had to come back because of my little daughter who became very sick after i left. I had to return (my sister informed me) without my hubby asking me to come back.

So now he keeps saying for me to go. I really dont know what wrong have i done to get such a bad life. Expecting things will some day get good, doesnt seem right for me . I am getting depressed more than before and dont wish to live.

Tell me friends what should i do now?

Sad Diana

HI Diana,
I was very happy for u ..hope things do work out for u..
May God grant u the ...
"Serenity to accept the the things
I cannot change,
Courage to change the things
I can,
And wisdom to know the difference"

wht u shud do is make urself even mor estrong...stay in ur sis house and keep getting the record or status of ur daughter and let nto ur hubby know tht ur staying ur sis house..make him feel he misses u even while taking care of his kids....some or the other time he will surely miss u or if thins go bad then u might have to chose some other option......be silent and observe the things he is doing for soem time....if right now ur back home...one day when ur daughter is getting better just push off to ur sis house....even ther sit and observe for his actions...try to find out if there is anyother woman in hsi life...make urself get a career....if tht woman loves ur hubby more than u do and he loves er too then u migh thave to leave dear...make urlsef strong fo rall possibilities....
cheers hope for the best to happen................

Thanks Mithli & arch174,

No there is no other women in his life. And I am sure of it. The only thing is he wants to live a carefree life. He wants his family with him but doesnt want to take their responsibility.

I am working and on my own independant visa, though kids are on his visa still. I may move out with my kids and start life alone with them. Work until their visa is valid and then go back to India taking them along.

Still have to decide. Is there any other suggestions though????

Thanks again.

Diana

ok..if so it is much more simple....make him understand how blissfull it is to take up responsibilities and work it out perfectly....if he wants to lead a carefree life let him lead after all ho wmany days h eis going to face the cruel world...happy tht u have an independent visa...there is one more cruel suggestion try making stories about ur boyfriend..it will work out..

Dear diana!
I went through your earlier posts and I am really upset that you have to face such things!!!
I can very well understand what u must be going through!
Many would have adviced you on what steps u can take to save ur marriage....u must have tried out to do that also....
In ur previous post u have written that u have decided to move out with ur kids and when the visa expires u r planning to come back to India....!
Well...when all doors are closed u have no option than the one that u have mentioned...but before that....y not just make a last resort to try to find where,what went wrong...!
I will ask u some q's......jus think over them..and when u feel its Enough!!! then...go ahead as to what ur mind tells...!

1) Your's was an arranged marriage...And u say ur hubby never mentioned abt the premarital affair...! Well...but u knew it and tried to love him to the fullest extent....!
My Q's is when he was not ready for marriage and under compulsion he married u...But if his heart was full of memories of the lost love then y would he father your kids?
Was he detached from u from the begining or off late u see changes in him?
2)How was his behaviour duirng the initial period of ur marriage? U said he was reserved but he must have shown some sign of his affection? If so and if after some years finding changes in him...then I am sure he must have heard some news abt his previous love that has disturbed him.
3)Was he affectionate towards the kid initially? did his approach to them changed now??? Then the reason he wants u ppl tlo leave him could be strongly that he has got some contact with his previous lover and probably he must be getting a stong inclination towards her
4)Last but not the least...Cld anyone who wants to spoil ur life said something ill abt u..???
I am just trying to get all possible reasons.....Pls dont mistake me!!!!!!!

Diana! these are what could be some reasons...mayb there cld b other reasons which can be out of the box.
But..have u ever asked him direclty the reason?
Tell him that ur ready to leave him and go...But tell him to give atleast one reason y he wants u to leave ...!!!!
u must have tried askin thse q's to him...!!!try again in a calm and composed mood and show tht ur determinant and not afraid....!!!!
first love in a person's life is something he can never forget and when it pops later in a married life...that is enough to ruin everything!!!!!!

Pls...pls..try to analyse the prblem in a broader view and try to get all possible reasons as to y he might want u to leave him...!
Pls read through again and consider it as a good friend trying to help u out!!!!!!!!!
I pray to GOD that everything ends well...!!!!!
But remember one thing.... don't get depressed that if at all it comes out that u have to leave him...! Why shld u worry for someone who doesnt care for u or ur kids!!!!!!!!!!???????/
Never lose hope...!! If u have a job and if ur kids are with u...then what u need is confidence and hope..!!!
U are the master of ur destiny and the good and bad things that come with it..! God is ther with u and whatever is happening to u...God knows that and he is making it to happen because of some hidden reason and I am sure whatever it is...It is only going to makee ur life more beautiful for u and ur kids!!!!!!!!!

Be bold and never cry over things or over ppl who don't know ur worth!!!!!!!!

Love,
Jaya

It is not wise to make boyfriend......make friends......look at urself what is wrong in u n improve those......give him some time to cool down.....it'll take time.......get busy with ur kids n career......involve him with ur kids.......if u see no change in him by giving time...then go to ur own decision.
We'll pray for u n ur kids.God bless u.

Originally Posted by piu

It is not wise to make boyfriend......make friends......look at urself what is wrong in u n improve those......give him some time to cool down.....it'll take time.......get busy with ur kids n career......involve him with ur kids.......if u see no change in him by giving time...then go to ur own decision.
We'll pray for u n ur kids.God bless u.

was asked to make only stories of boyfriend....

Originally Posted by diana

Thanks Mithli & arch174,

No there is no other women in his life. And I am sure of it. The only thing is he wants to live a carefree life. He wants his family with him but doesnt want to take their responsibility.

I am working and on my own independant visa, though kids are on his visa still. I may move out with my kids and start life alone with them. Work until their visa is valid and then go back to India taking them along.

Still have to decide. Is there any other suggestions though????

Thanks again.

Diana

Hi diana,

We were really happy that things were working well for you..

Think, analyze, the pros and cons and decide..dont take any hasty decisions...

Dear Diana

I thing Imemyself has given a very detailed and well thought out reply to your post. I second every word of hers.

If today your husband has come to an extent of asking you directly to leave him,there sure is something smoking somewhere.You should try again to find that out.A few days back he was willing to try and mend his ways,you told that yourself,so now what happened again?

Here let me tell you about a very close person whom I know of.Her husband is also a very irresponsible person,wants to lead a carefree life,does not work,does nothing at all. For every little expense,even to buy a safety pin,she would have to depend on him asking his mother for the money.So many people tried to get some sense into his head,nothing worked,it is 8 yrs now.She has a son who is 7 yrs old.Added to that,her husband has all sorts of bad habits.Now she has come away from him(not divorced) and is staying with her parents and she is now working to take care of herself and her son. What to do? Sometimes, it is just fate,and we have to just live with it.

If nothing else works,be brave enough to leave him,take your kids along with you and try and leave the past behind.