Disclosing Past Relationship

malujourno · Dec 18, 2010

I had a relationship with my Professor when I was in college. When I met my Hubby for the first time (arranged by family), I disclosed the same. He said that everybody has some affair or other prior to marriage and it was ok if it is not renewed or continued after marriage.

I was so impressed by his attitude and went on, married him and we have a son also.

Though he has been having Narcissism kind of qualities, I have been managing all these years, since he accepted me, despite the earlier relationship.

After 10 years of marriage, he has recently contacted the Professor and asked indecent questions about our relationship, whereas I have completely forgotten about the relationship. He is also suspecting me of infidelity and checking on me through various methods.He threw me out of the house one night and I had to go to my parents house without even money or change dress.

I am also earning as a Part Time Animatographer and he has been using all my earnings as well all these years. He has been telling his mother and sisters about my past relationship and they all suspect that I am still continuing the relationship.

I find all these very repulsive. I have been very honest with him. But for my son, I would have ended this marriage and filed for divorce.

I am told by my well wishers that my son will need his father (at least for namesake) and the education & other expenses will be so huge that I will not be able to take care. They advise that we can live separately but without divorce so that my husband pays all our expenses. They say that the divorce court formalities will be taxing and time consuming for all and it may be traumatic for my son.

Is it legally correct? Can I get a divorce later? I am confused. My son is everything to me and I do not want to drag him through the divorce proceedings.

Young@heart · Jan 24, 2012

I hope you have found a solution by now....
My take on this....Any fingers pointed on character should not be ignored as the accusations multiply with time. I would definitely not advice divorce but I just want to tell you...that when it comes on you....taking care of the child on your own...you find ways and manage. What your H is doing is mental abuse and verbal abuse...which i feel is as bad if not worse than physical abuse.

Do you really-2 think that keeping you kid in such an environment is better for him? If your primary motive here is ensuring a good and healthy environment for your kid, please make sure that no such accusations fly to and fro in the kid's presence.

Have a HTH talk with you H as to how come this issue has cropped up 10 years into the marriage...Clear all his doubts once from your side and no more.
If at all this behaviour still continues, i am afraid that you might really have to look for other options here, dear.
Regards,

ivlakshmi · Jan 24, 2012

Hi,

Tell your husband that u dont have any relation ship with professor and have told all that to know his character.
Just tell him that your professor is mean minded thats all. Tell him that he can prove what ever he wants and that you have a son. Don't give money to your husband.

PRIYANKABAKSHI · Nov 28, 2014

Get a divorce dear. UR hubby seems very rude and unfair towards you.
I think hez just finding reasons to run away from the family responsibilities which he isnt capable of managing and hence trying to shift the blaim on u just to hide hez own wrong bahaviour.

Just leave him and get d custody of ur son..fight for it..fight for d right..

You havent done anything wrong at all. Wish u all d luck and love.

sumalynux · Nov 28, 2014

Dear OP

How was he in these 10years, apart from minor issues ??

99% of time when you share your past with your spouse, it will definitely crop up times when other person is angry, and try to use this to shut you or hurt you... Its very rare for a person to know
past and NEVER even once use it against. I am never telling its right, but its human nature..

Why dont you try counselling ?

Leave your kid in your parents place, plan a vacation with your dh,
explain him that how loyal you are and how much love your dh,son and marriage...

As long as you want to save marriage, try to be extra nice to him, use every
opportunity to make him realise how much you love him, and how loyal you are..

But still he tries to insult you about your past, ask him what are his motives, and
what is planning in future about marriage and kid. So you will know what is in his
mind, then you can discuss with your parents and take actions.