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Ego and Demands .. Money ..

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by semaphore, Dec 7, 2010.

  1. semaphore

    semaphore Senior IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    I have another pain on and off..

    As many of you all know, had rough time with ILs untill Aug. Dealing with DH being brainwashed. well, coming to point.... My DH comes to normal now and then. But ILs playing prank in such a way that we dont patch back completely.


    Well, bit abt DH. He's loving and caring, hard working but attitude of just think abt 'today'. Easily brain washable by parents and sis. Big time talker- most of the info will be given over ph to his parents and sis.
    After all that drama, I have been slowly getting along to get our marraige back on track..

    Well, incident was we had lots of shoping for thanksgiving... Although I didnt accompany much since I have toddler, but being part of conversations and decisions as to what to buy or not...majorly shopping being kid's clothes and many many toys.
    DH might have (as always ..) informed them abt our shopping. Was silent for 1 week. No helping me, nothing but TV and laptop whole evng till midnite. Finally broke asking me to buy car for myself and pay half expenses. I knew that they have fed some nonsense knowing that we'r kinda working on relationship..

    He's egoist person, neither he wants to take money from me. I try to pay when we shop , restaurants etc. He says 'No'. Now he asks half of all expenses, not to mention that I pay daycare and medical bills, that would take huge chunk of money.

    now, I cant nonsense abt money anymore and willing to give half expenses money to him. But something stopped me telling me that I am doing what my Ils wants to happen. So I paused.

    Pls suggest me, is it good to give him money(I know ILs would pull that money from him.. to give lavish life for their daughter). I have no bad intensions.. All I want is save some for our future with a hope that DH will come to his senses one fine day.

    i know I have read thru some posts that DW takes up all /half of the expenses.
    I somehow not comfortable doing that in my current situation since I would feel like roomates. Also ILs will be satisfied that such pranks works and they can succeed further with some more worse things..

    Pls let me know friends as how to deal with this differently; by not hurting our egos, not involving Ils intensions etc.
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2010
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  2. tulipzz

    tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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    difficult situation...I was more or less in the same boat (inlaws expect DH to fund SILs lavish lifestyle)...even now, MIL keeps asking DH to send his sis expensive gifts like iphone etc....SIL doesnt work...just timepass types...while both of us work hard here...for some reason, ppl tend to think we have infinite bank balance just because we life abroad....

    Its not an easy/over night job. It took me years to convince DH that we are one entity and everyone else is called 'extended family'. We set aside a budget for gifts and we strictly stick to it (atleast as far as I know)...

    You need to somehow get that 'we' thing into his mind...
     
  3. harinisripada

    harinisripada Gold IL'ite

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    Dear semaphore,

    Think about this - if your DH can be brainwashed easily by his mom and sis... what's stopping YOU from "brainwashing" him!!!

    Check out my post
    Complete Financial Planning - IndusLadies

    Use that or similar information on the web. Make up calculations and spreadsheets, make up lots of numbers and feed it to his brain....

    Build up arguments (firm/unshakable/correct/fair) and tell him what "WE BOTH" want together. Do a lot of homework and think up answers to every question he might throw at you!!!

    Be fair to your in-laws, dont withdraw monetary support for ESSENTIALS... but DON'T INDULGE their fancies unless it is special occasions - again within budget.

    With solid facts, numbers and fair discussions, you should be able to "brainwash" (I would prefer the word - convince) your DH and make an yearly plan for a financial life "TOGETHER"!

    Keep smiling :)
    Harini
     
  4. semaphore

    semaphore Senior IL'ite

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    Tulipz, Harini
    Thanks for your suggestions.

    Planning sounds so good. I will try.

    Any more inputs, friends?
     
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2010

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