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Will this be called cheating?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rakhii, Nov 30, 2010.

  1. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    All, I have a small problem. I am unable to understand if what I intend to do is right or wrong. Here is the background.

    I live in Canada and here we have 3 levels of driving tests to get the license to drive on free way (over 100 kmph). I passed 2 levels but some how, i am just unable to pass the third level. I failed (4 days ago). Twice. First time when I failed my DH was very supportive. Second time he was very angry; obviously and I deserve it. He was being very mean and is putting me down at every possible situation since then. He called me a failure, disgusting and many more things I do not want to pen down here. He also said that even our kids would be a failure because of me, etc. he later came and apologized for this but once you say certain things, you cant take them back.

    I started analyzing why am I being so nervous. It suddenly made sense that i am not worried about the road test itself but I am worried about my DH scolding me and putting me down. This is what is making me nervous.

    Now my problem: I want to book a road test with OUT my DH's knowledge. If I pass I will tell him and if not, i will just not tel him. I know this is not the right thing to do but I really do not have the energy to hear all the abuses all over again, should I fail again.

    Does this mean I would be loosing his trust on me? Should I do this or no? Am i going to hurt him if I go behind his back and give this exam?
    What is your take on this ladies?

    P.S: I failed because I couldn't do parallel parking properly. In Canada the examiners are really strict. I know how to parallel park but I was so nervous that I was literally shaking.
     
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  2. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Not sure how many would agree with me here or not.

    Don't book the exam now and take some more time and practice well and relax well and the driving test is all luck.Do you have to go one place for the test or do you have options.Find out the center which is less strict in rules.

    Book the exam yourself and take it.Tell him that you are nervous because of him.Person shouldn't talk like that and you need show him that you can do it.

    if he can't take this stress then leave him alone and you handle it.

    Does he is a mind eater for small things?Suppose if you do this,does he eat your mind forever.Then tell and do it.

    Tell that you want book your exam and but don't wanted him to come with you because you are angry on him the way he handled the things.
     
  3. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Priya, thanks for a quick response. Yes, he is very picky. Like, he was saying things like, " Oh, you cant even pass a road test but you want to have kids. How disgusting; even 16 year old's can do a better job, shame on you".

    It hurt me so much Priya. I just cant forget the voice he used on me. For a split second, I seriously thought as to how am i going to live with him for life long. He apologized later but did i deserve what he said just because I failed twice?

    You mean to say that I should tell him that soon I would be booking the test and I would not tell him about it?

    Edit: yes, this time, I wil be booking a test in a less-strict place, even though it would mean it is very very far.
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2010
  4. Akkinenirockz

    Akkinenirockz Bronze IL'ite

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    explain him that you are stressed because of his pressure.Take time to relax. Keep mind calm and attend the test peacefully.

    The purpose of the test is to determine your calmness eventhough you are tensed !

    Do not take the issue is so seriously ! Men loose temper so easily and he aksed for apology too !

    Gud Luck :thumbsup
     
  5. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Rakhii,

    He made a mistake abd by another mistake you shouldn't mess up the whole thing.

    I Would suggest tell him that you are going to book another roa
    d test but you don't want to go with him and you would be going alone.

    Never go with this guy again for road test and go yourself but inform.

    "Oh, you cant even pass a road test but you want to have kids".According to me this is serious comment and don't take it light.
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2010
  6. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Akkineni and Priya, I should have made myself clear. Last couple of times also I went with my instructor. He was waiting for me at home.
    So, both the times I went with the knowledge that should I fail, I will hear and earful at home.

    OK, so you guys feel I should tell him in advance, irrespective of the outcome.
    Lets see if others can suggest anything else. You know, if I tell him and then fail, I would be for sure suffer for this for life time.
     
  7. Jhaanthika

    Jhaanthika New IL'ite

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    Hi Rakhii,

    Im a New ILite...I went through your post....Im not sure whether im at the right age to tell this...but still felt like posting a reply...

    I would suggest you to inform him about your next test and ask him to guide you more to get through it.

    Do talk and try to convince him....Discuss about the things which went wrong in the past tests and seek his suggestions, instead of hiding the test and worrying a lot in future if you are somehow caught by him....

    Do think about this and also seek some more suggestions from others and decide...

    All the very best for you!!!!
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2010
  8. Jasminemarigold

    Jasminemarigold New IL'ite

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    I failed my test three times, the fourth time I didn't say a word to anyone. Booked a day off from work and because it was the childrens holiday, I left them with my mother and said I was going for a lesson. Went for the test and passed.

    I didn't consider it cheating not to tell the husband. If he had known he would have been disappointed for me if I had failed again. This way he was happy for me and understood perfectly why I did not mention to him. The more people you tell the more nervous you become because of their high expectations.

    The examiner said he could not understand why I had failed before as he said there was nothing wrong with my driving, I couldn't tell him it was because the examiners were unfriendly and made me nervous.
     
  9. Mehana

    Mehana Platinum IL'ite

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    I do no much rules in Canada.

    But in US some states are very strict, I do no about other DMV center, but the center where I took the test they had many rules like parallel parking is mandatory one.

    Even I wont get that exactly but I tried to do many practices before taking test. Try to near residential area between two cars that have curb and also dont be tense be bold that u will get it. Tell to ur H that u become nervous only bez of him and dont discourage me.

    All the best....
     
  10. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Rakhii,

    Before anything you need to gain self-confidence on testing.Why don't you take some couple of classes or talk to some friends which boost you and do something else to regain self confidence.

    This is the main thing in driving test ,the examiner.You went two times,did you get to hear any one who is friendly?

    I think that's ok even you don't inform to your husband if you are so badly hurt.
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2010

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