What does he exactly mean by this?

Nithya

am totally with you on this one...please do not try to succumb to the pressure just because he thinks its right.

Only reason is if he cant let you spend 5$ on yourself...just an additional amount...how is he ready to bear the expenses of a child..and moreover you would need lot of emotional and physical support from him during and after pregnancy and in raising kids...a strong marriage is needed for it. andd a person who understands that he is spending for his own family is more important. So just tell him to prepare himself for the expenses and the emotional pressure....then you would be ready...

List down the expenses of having a baby (this is given in our forum under pregnancy and kis section) and tell him to be prepared for these expenses then you both can start planning for kids. Gone are those old days where kids will grow just like that without any additonal attention...you need to pay lot of attention and be lot more patient than what you guys are now.

 

Hi Nithya,

You didnt mention anything about how long u r married?.

Having babies at right age is the main criteria whether u r financally sound or not, more complications for older moms than moms at younger age. Usually women before turns 30 having kid is healthy.

Also here life is different as u said u dont have good relationships and also having kids create more problem. Here lifestyle is different based on single income having a baby doesnt going to affect ur life also ur husband may change after having baby. On seeing baby's face and smile he will definitely become more caring and affectionate.

U r in H4 is it and ur husband is in H1, as of in H1 visa the minimum salary they would be get paid will be definitely fine. I think its betterfor u to discuss with ur husband about ur age(I do no ur age), having baby at right time and plan financially ahead for the pregnancy.

All the best.....

 

Is there any guarantee and proven statistics over it?? Havent we seen enough threads here on our forums itself already?? as to how women have kids immediately after their marriage and end up in a nasty marriage where they cant leave or cant decide because of kids in the marraige.

Why is this hurry just to have kids? why are we making a kids life miserable by making such choices?

Today Nithya is giving explanation to buy some things for herself...tomorrow she has to see the same crap and it would be more painful when it comes to seeing kids who dont get enough love and attention from a father.

If there are chances of a husband changing after kids are born, there are chances that he might not change also isnt it?

I am just sooo surprised to see advises like this which puts so many lives in miserable condition.

No wonder why still we have women who dont plan their life and have kids just for hte sake of society or in the name of growing old.

If a wife and husband are not having good relationship, kids are not the ones who are going to make the relationship good. having kids would complicate the equation more ...dont assume that the love of a husband towards his own kid has to be assumed as love towards a wife.

 

Words of wisdom indeed! Kids cannot solve a bad marriage. A friend of mine had marriage problems, and they had a kid to "fix" the marriage. BAD IDEA. They got divorced anyways and now each time I see the kid, my heart just bleeds for him :-(

 

It is really good that you want to think things over first; because once you go forward you cannot undo it. I hear so many stories around me of people having kids without really considering everything. They think having a kid will somehow fix all the problems in the marriage. They try to runa way from reality, create a distraction from the true issues of the marriage and then they put themselves and the poor kid in a bad situation.

Having a child should never be something you end up regretting. So do take your time. Children are so precious and they need to be brought into a loving, nurturing, safe environment.

Discuss with your husband in detail about all the expenses ahead, all the emotional upheaval. Create a budget, a game plan etc. Sometimes, something strikes you only when you chew on it for a while. So don't expect that just because he says he knows everything and is prepared for everything that he really means it. Maybe, he will feel he is ready one day but change his mind in a couple of weeks.

Look for consistency in his attitude and dependebility and a good sense for financial budgeting. He needs to know where the money is going to come from and how much you will spend.

Also, talk to him about how having a child should increase emotional intimacy between people and should not make the cracks in the marriage widen into rifts.

YOU NEED TO FEEL COMFORTABLE THAT HE IS OKAY, WILL BE OKAY WITH YOU AND BABY. YOU. Yes, you. Ultimately, you are taking on the responsibilty of having child so you need to really believe in him and your marriage. So, please, please take your time. Make sure your child will not suffer.

BEING RESPONSIBLE TOWARDS THE CHILD STARTS EVEN BEFORE CONCEPTION.

With best wishes.
DNM

 

So true. I agree.

 

Excuse me ... are you a doctor ? All my friends and myself had kids in our early 30's and they are all fine and normal thank you. Please don't make statements without any scientific backing and ruin someone's life.

A baby born at any age to parents with marriage issues will be unhealthy mentally ... which is a greater curse.

 

Pmahensa and Srividya,

All marriages are not like that....when there is a baby there is chances for less fight. Having baby her husband thinks saving money for his baby and have more priority for his family.

You say there are no fights in any married life and also H may be saving for their future, if they keep on fighting is there any use definitely they will lose control in their life. If she feels that her H will support or not for pregnancy, then y her H shold ask her about this. she is in H4 even if she spends $5 extra her H argues her, she is here(I do no how long) on H4 her husband tortures her no, he is conscious about his money but Nithya can change him oneday. Not now may when she got EAD she can go for job but she keeps on thinking about this at the age of 40 she cant think about having baby....