moody, selfish DH

shari03 · Nov 10, 2010

Dear ladies,
This is a wonderful forum, and I have been a silent reader for quite some time. I have always had problems, both big and small with DH, and am kind of at wit's end now.
I am married for a little over 7 years, working full-time, and stay with DH and my mom. My mom is working too. In-laws (mil, bil and co-sis) stay in the same city. Every Saturday, we visit them, and spend the day with them, and am supposed to go with DH, though I am not a much "welcomed" guest there. I have been having my own share of problems with inlaws, though none of them are too huge. What upsets me is my DH's nature.
He is shy, quiet and egoistic by nature, and often arrogant too. He would be alright for a week, and start getting moody just like that, without any provokation, and then tries to irritate me all the more so that I shout/ cry, and then starts to shout that I am fighting. Whenever he gets moody, he goes on like that for about a week, and then I have to cry, beg his pardon for no mistake of mine. This has been affecting the peace at home so much, and so, I thought I should behave normal even if he behaves like that. This Saturday night, we watched a movie, and it was almost midnight when we hit the bed. He wanted to make love, and was trying to undress me, but I was so exhauseted that I just could not get up, and slept off. This triggered him, and he has been acting snobbish from then. I waited until today, and did not see any change in him, and so, I asked him to pardon me, and that I shall be co-operative from now on. But he is still acting big. This is getting too much on me, and i donno how to handle issues like this. I am quite confused as to how to understand his mood-swings. He is very selfish, and would not even care for anything about me or dd, but he would be very loving and caring towards inlaws all the while. Would any of you have tips for me? Thank you so much.

DrKadambari · Nov 10, 2010

Mood swings... i think men have mood swings without reasons than women during periods.

The best thing I have followed with DH who behaves this way is to royally ignore him. If he wants to be angry let him be - you be normal with your work and DD. He would get pissed and get normal. Initally it might take time like week to 10 days but this getting normal time would lessen to day to few hours gradually. Once he speaks back you speak normally.

Till the time he knows it affects you he wd behave this way more and more but later when he gets no attention / response it might slow down.

Well I dont stay around inlaws so in your case when you are around inlaws and if inlaws ask why he is like that you just say them to ask their son and you are not sure why.

Priya16 · Nov 10, 2010

I am married for a little over 7 years, working full-time, and stay with DH and my mom
Click to expand...

Does he has same behaviour from beginning or is that started after sometime?When did you start noticing this kind of behaviour?
From when your mother started staing with you?

rose8282 · Nov 10, 2010

Hey I can relate to this since I'm moody and I used to like being quiet a lot of times (before marriage) .I can explain why so you understand what goes in the mind of such people.firstly,it really gives me a high to be moody:crazy...I don't need to talk to anyone..and waste my energy.Another reason is I show my anger this way because I hate shouting and this kind of silent treatment will make the other person realize I'm angry.

These days I can't get moody or angry since my husband never ever takes offense for anything.if I am angry for something,he really behaves so normally,smiles and talks everything else..he doesn't try to pacify if I am angry,be it anyones's mistake...his or mine.so what do I do when the other person is sooo freaking normal??NOTHING!!I can't do anything if he is so happy and behaves nicely.so I stopped being quiet when I'm angry and now started expressing what I feel.so you really need to ignore what he does.you don't need to beg his feet specially when you are tired and don't want to make love.you are not a robot or his servant.

machakalai · Nov 15, 2010

My personal feeling if both Husband wife can adjust each other most of the problem will be diluted. In your case dont fix a date viz Saturday etc for Lovemaking. If you are not able to follow this Saturday Rule in a week it will affect the male ego and he will find fault with the wife for another one week.
pl give importance for his feeling/ emotions of such a moody characters in a systematic way, you wil handle him properly