what do u think??

aminroop · Sep 16, 2010

hello,

i ve been a silent reader of IL for sometime.

i wanted to know your views on this one.

so here goes...

i ve been married recently. i got married after a year long engagement. so i knew him quite well when we got married. we went for our honeymoon to goa. i was not actually interested in going for the honeymoon b'coz i was preparing for my PG medical entrance exams. but since he insisted , i agreed to go. and i must say that it was the worst holiday of my life.

he has already visited goa before, while this was my 1st time. but still he dint bother to organize any local sightseeing trip. v wer all the time holed up at the hotel. and since it was very hot we only visited the beach one time during our stay.

the hotel wer we stayed had a swimming pool. he was quite interested in going there all the time. and he kept commenting on the foreigners who came there. he made remarks like dat lady's butt was nice etc to me. and while we wer in the pool, he made remarks lik why arnt young females coming to the pool and only old ones around! i felt really bad and disgusted. i realized he had no respect for me or women in genral. that was my worst vacation ever.

when i spoke abt dis to him later he said that he din realize dat it had hurt me. and said he wont repeat it again. he said dat he said it cos he thot me as afriend and cos he was comfortable with me. but whatever he says, i feel since he has a tendency to ogle dat too during our honeymoon, wat will be the case say 5 yrs later. and wat if i had done the same thing, wud he tolerate it?

and its not that im ugly or anything. at the risk of sounding vain, i mus say dat im quite pretty and many people hav even told me that i should try modelling.

wat do u ppl think? am i over-reacting?? has any1 experienced this so early in ur marriage??

vjbunny · Sep 16, 2010

Dear Aminroop,
For a newly married girl to say in this way about her DH shows how much she has been hurt. I think you tell him strongly that you wont tolerate such behaviour from him. If he doesnt mend his ways to this then I think you take advice from your elders. Hope everything gets solved. Cheer-up.

rosegirl · Sep 16, 2010

hi
I think you are over reacting, your DH is just a usual guy who likes to ogle at women and probably thought you were his buddy. He should have had the maturity to talk sweet things to the new wife than ogle and comment at others butt.

But once you told your discomfort he realized his mistake right, you should relax. Just softly tell him when he gets annoying. These days are the foundation for a solid marriage so try to forgive and forget.

goodluck

Priya16 · Sep 16, 2010

You mentioned you have a 1 year engagements period.How did you feel with him that time?Were you comfortable with him in other ways other than the trip.If so then I feel that he wanted you to show off that romatic mood.He failed to understrand your body language and wanted to show off.
That's all I can feel.If he is sensitive and you both gell well in other cases and that only the trip was unpleasent to you and didn't meet your expecations then I would ignore.
Typically if you don't buy his talk then you will not enjoy him any other time.

ArchanaP · Sep 16, 2010

Roop,

Firstly Wish you a very happy married life.

Coming to your issue, there are women who like such conversations with their husbands and there also women who do not like such conversations with no matter whom. So all you need to do is let your husband know how you feel about such conversations and I am sure he will respect your opinion.
You can not characterize him as a bad person and a person who has no respect for woman, just basing on this incident. There are many hypocrites around who act like respecting women before the entire world but treat their wives/mothers/sisters/daughters like doormats within the closed doors. So get to know about each other before coming to conclusion about each other and you would know about a person completely only when you live with that person.

Hey, you just started your life. So do not panic. Take it easy. Enjoy your life. All the very best to you in life.:thumbsup

rose8282 · Sep 16, 2010

Generally,it is natural for men to make such jokes...but did you notice his behavior otherwise?Was he with you all the time and just occassionally passing comments?If so..its ok.I am surprised why he did not plan to take you anywhere..seems bit strange to me.
Did you not notice this during your year long engagement period?Anyway...since he said he wont repeat it AND you were his friend...you can ignore it.What I am concerned about is why he did not take you elsewhere or spend some quality time with you?Analyze and see if he does that in future.commenting once in a while is no big deal.

ArchanaP · Sep 16, 2010

aminroop said: ↑

i was not actually interested in going for the honeymoon b'coz i was preparing for my PG medical entrance exams.
Click to expand...

I might be wrong, but I am guessing this might be the actual reason for your disappointment and being able to enjoy the trip.

SHS · Sep 16, 2010

Hi
Hey you didnt want to go for honeymoon thats bad ;-) .Here i would love to go for 6 months :rotfl

Now coming to your question..honestly you are taking all this so seriously.It shouldnt be an issue at all.You have been in a medical college n still you are bothered about such silly comments.Didnt you notice the comments there :crazy ?Ok i understand he is your husband but isnt it nice that he is honest n friendly with you ?I think one should be able to tell each n everything in a relationship.Infact thats what makes a relationship beautiful.Please let him be open with you the way he is now.If you start fighting n all he will start hiding things n thats scary.I think you should give him the freedom of expression.Let him be honest n u be honest as well.Dont fight for such silly issues n spoil your relationship.Just let him be himself ! There should be no place for suffocation in a relationship

Wish you a very very happy married life

All the best
Stuti

aminroop · Sep 16, 2010

thanx for ur replies.

both of us are shy and never spoke much during r engagement period. just the weekly call and even then we wud speak for a max of 15 mins. dats it.

and if it was jus the looking, it was ok. but d fact dat he made comments abt parts of their anatomy was disturbing. he even said dat a woman rubbing lotion onto her chest was turning him on.

if i had commented about another guys' body i don think he wud hav bot it if i had said i said dat to him as i wud hav to a buddy. all the time i was wearing a bikini he insisted that i be inside the pool and not outside cos there wer other guys standing around. that time he din forget i was a female and think of me as a male buddy right. n even more annoying was dat he wanted me to pose for a pic with a lady who jus got out of the pool... watever for???

that episode disturbed me very much and now i ve started to comment abt other male bodies to him intentionally so that he realizes not only he, even i do have eyes....and can behave like him if i want to.

anaconda1997 · Sep 16, 2010

the hotel wer we stayed had a swimming pool. he was quite interested in going there all the time. and he kept commenting on the foreigners who came there. he made remarks like dat lady's butt was nice etc to me. and while we wer in the pool, he made remarks lik why arnt young females coming to the pool and only old ones around! i felt really bad and disgusted. i realized he had no respect for me or women in genral. that was my worst vacation ever.

I can understand what you mean. i would really get angry on him and left to the room and stopped speaking until he convinced me (if i were in ur place)

when i spoke abt dis to him later he said that he din realize dat it had hurt me.
what would he feel if you comment this way on other men?

and said he wont repeat it again. he said dat he said it cos he thot me as afriend and cos he was comfortable with me.
you are not just his friend, u r his wife.

but whatever he says, i feel since he has a tendency to ogle dat too during our honeymoon, wat will be the case say 5 yrs later.
cannot calculate this way. it would get better, or best, or same, or worst. we do not know.

and wat if i had done the same thing, wud he tolerate it?
never if he loves you

and its not that im ugly or anything.
even if you are ugly or something, you are the most beautiful woman in the earth for a husband.

at the risk of sounding vain, i mus say dat im quite pretty and many people hav even told me that i should try modelling.
then he should be around you all the time and never see any gal.

wat do u ppl think? am i over-reacting??
nnnna na not at all....

has any1 experienced this so early in ur marriage??
i experienced this with my EX , i threw him. today (just an hour back) i saw a gal and asked my hubby , isnt she pretty??? she just walked in front of us... attractevely. my DH said, no, i didnt notice. none can be prettier than you so i dont need to see her. we are married for 1 year, 15 days.