characterless Husband

Dear Indus Ladies,

I am married since last 15 months and we live outside India. I have fine educational background compared to my H and was working in IT field. Just to give a brief background about this marriage.

It was an perfect arranged marriage. I had met the boy along with his parents just for few minutes when they came to see me in my house, previously. We aren't allowed to talk separately. In the hall, I started the conversation with the boy and the boy really gave me rude answers to my casual questions. I was not feeling comfortable. I told my father that I need to talk to the boy again. Considering the fact that the boy is leaving abroad, my father didn't give me a chance and he hurried to have the engagement within 1 week. But the boy left before the engagement. we had 3 months between engagement and marriage. I heard from many people that it s the loveliest period blah blah..But it turned out to be haunting period for me.

He is from another city and am from chennai. He didn't even like my slang of Tamil and whatever i speak. whatever i do he finds mistakes, confronts and started his controlling attitude over phone. He won't call for 3-4 days. When i told my mom she said that all these probs will fade off eventually. I did not have guts to stop the marriage and the marriage also happened. I can count how many day I have been happy after marriage. These times will be the time when I am alone.

I desired my would-be-husband would be a gentleman giving lots of importance to love n values than anything in this world. But what happened is exact opposite. They claim that the have so much property and they are well-to-do because as such their house and household look below-average because my mil is very stingy n greedy. She wants everything as money n property. They have sowed the seed in the son's heart that money/property is everything and he need not worry about anything in this world. During the first year of marriage my husband and in-laws were not happy with the jewels and the dowry items. So my H was abusing, harassing me in every chance he could do. He abuses saying that I say day-day affairs to my parents and tries to connect with my good friends and say that i loved them. So during my visit to India i made sure that i give him the remaining jewels so that he no more abuses my family.

Coming to the main issue, my H is the only child of his parents. So obviously very pampered child you may think of. He is such an introvert, short tempered, selfish, thinks even brother-sister relationship pervertedly and so u can imagine how can he think about male-female friendship, doesn't have any friends[trust me], no values in life, poor knowledge, humor is something he doesn't know the spelling,can't make decisions himself, full of suspicion, adamant, last but not the least immensely narrow-minded. All he knows in this world is his father and mother, money n crookedness.

He reaches his parents for everything. Gets advice for every single move of his life. So, you can understand the rest. The in-laws just talk with me general stuff when they call me and My H calls them every day or they call him and check out whats happening between husband and wife. If we happened to argue about trivial domestic issue also he calls his parents n say " Dad, this girl is creating a scene. I can't live with her. You are the one who seen this girl for me.I need divorce immediately.". Then they will ask what happened and discuss to me about that. When i reason out, that its not the mistake of mine they take the side of the son and say "you are the girl. you have to adjust to whatever the husband says. don't talk". My god. everyday the same tantrum he uses to torture me. I tell him that u have to speak to me if you have any probs not to your parents. he says that he will involve parents and make the situation tighten for me.This get even worse if I happen to go to india. Needless to say, parents try their level best to irritate me by taking the side of son. This includes right from kitchen affairs to private matters which should be between husband and wife only. My husband enjoys this activity because he feel releived when someone is opposing me. I dont tell my parents because first place they will not understand and secondly they are not in touch with anyone.

I have sincerely reconsidered my marriage life several times becaause he is not the person I wish to marry and doubt if i have love for him because he has created miserable insulting scenes for me till this date. I am attracted more to intellegence n values rather to money. I dont know how far I can go like this. He wants me to be like serial daughter-n-law who is very soft, cries and finally dies at the mercy of the husband. If i show my attitude, he says I am arrogant, lousy lady. I dont know how long i need to push my life with this guy whose qualities are lowly. I have tried to change his attitude towards life, but in vain. He feels he has more money and he is settled and there is no need for him to change. His brought-up is like that.

 

The reason may be is that my parents were tired of searching alliance and i am getting older. My father hurried the whole process before I could say "No" and got the engagement done.

 

Friends,

I am undergoing this slavery for the last 15 months and I have thought about divorce on mutul consent as well. I have undergone severalpains here as there is no power, generator noise, security probs,all the time at home, apart from that he did not allow me to work, has abused my father very badly in front of everyone, tortured me for jewels, abusing me with somenone. I have developed low blood pressure due to worrying all the time, gastritis because not eating properly. If I leave him just like that, he n in-laws will be happy, will get ready for next marriage. What punishment will he get for ruining my life? I have another sis to get married. I am confused who should I bother about..