Men's reluctance to talk at the end of the day. How hurting it will be to women ?

Actually some nights at our house are very quiet. I always ask how was work, how he is feeling, but sometimes I can tell he'd just like some quiet time to think it out himself or mentally relax. No, it doesn't hurt my feelings, because even I feel that way too sometimes. Silence doesn't have to be awkward, and it doesn't mean we're not getting along. On those type of days, we still cuddle on the couch, eat dinner together... it's just we do it with less words. And if he looks really worried, I'll ask again the next day just to make sure it's not still on his mind.

However, if silence continued for more than a few days I would be worried, because I know my dh, and we normally talk a lot. So I think it all depends on the personality of your dh whether it is hurtful or not. If my dh suddenly stopped talking to me for days, it would hurt and worry me because I have gotten used to lot of nice conversations. But probably if he was more of the quiet type, I wouldn't be feeling hurt... because I'd know that's just his style.

 

It hurts to be ignored and be treated like a piece of furniture by ones husband. I doubt if any man would care to be ignored similarly by his wife.
Do men ever think why a woman happily leaves her home, city , family after marriage ? She makes upteen adjustments , from a carefree girl she turns into a home maker overnight and lovingly starts taking care of her new home and family.
If she expects some decent conversation from her spouse at the end of the day is it too much ? Nobody wants a heavy discussion but chit-chat about the day is enough.
It shows that the hubby cares.
Jokes apart, if men dont want to talk to their wives at the end of the day then is she just a housekeeper ,she should reply when spoken to or keep quiet ? :bowdown
PS -I would love to get a diamond necklace every three months !!:cheers

 

The above statements are true and I too feel that it is absly correct to leave a husband when he wants to be quiet due to issues not related to wife. I generally leave my DH alone when he is in his thoughts (let it be official or his parents side issues). But most of the times I can make out that he wants to vent it, and he doesnt want to take an initiative to talk, so ask him politely, IF he wants to say something that is worrying him? And bingo! :thumbsup I hit the target for him to vent out and he speaks watever he got on his mind and is worried for.

But I have a question here, that, if there is a problem that has been created by his own family and very much related to his wife (like they abuse his wife & he simply listens & is frustrated what to do in such scenario, bcasue if he supports wife family gives him left right center, if he supports family, problematic at wife's end). He comes back home after a long tiring day at work OR a long funfilled day spent in FB, Orkut or other networking sites, and wife sees him quiet and leaves him alone to be quiet. But still next day he starts throwing up what his was told day before about his wife, as if its HIS view about his own wife! In such conditions what should the wife do ? Also, even if the wife politely asks the husband, the reason of he behaving like this "all of a sudden" for no good reason, then he starts becoming more worst! What should be a wife's reaction to such situation? Does this mean that the husband removes all his frustration on his wife ?

Sushma

 

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Here is the scenario ...

1. Husband spends his day in office -- either too much in work OR busy socialising on networking sites.
2. In that day, say his mother/ father / sister calls to complain about his wife and abuses or nags with him on the same. He listens to all without answering back.
3. He returns home kindda upset, wife sees him upset, asks once about the reason. He doesnt say the reason, and replies sarcastically.Wife leaves him alone to be quiet & avoid arguments due to his mood.
4. Next day, for some petty thing, like the lunch box was not kept ready on time due to wife cleaning kitchen after cooking or something else, as she has to leave for work too. Husband starts venting out the same stmts told to him by his family (reason point 2). And picks up a fight and abuses wife exactly in the same manner as he was made to listen the previous day.

Wife is clueless whats happening all of sudden.. what is she supposed to do ? If she still probes questions on what has happened on such small thing, husband will worsen the situation by becoming more abusive or by raising hand. If she quietly walks around and finsihes the work, this gives the husband a upper hand to do the same thing again, thinking that wife cannot answer back (this will be problematic for wife, as she wants to avoid the argument or increase the fight, but will be taken in a wrong manner).

Why does a husband react in such a manner then ? What can be possible reasons for a husband to behave like this? To empower wife ? OR Agreement to his family's complaints? What is it exactly ?

Hope this gives and idea of the situation that I wants explain & seek and answer.

Sushma

 

Indian Guy. Please do not mind me sharing a little bit of space on yours as this does not relate to the original post at all or any other subsequent posts for that matter. I have got two things to say.

One - Sushma Mohapatra - You have got a beautiful last name, sounds like Cleopatra.

Two - Indian Guy. You are doing great. Your posts are friendly, matured and are very helpful. Many would benefit from those if seen from a certain point of view and long run. Your inputs and thoughts are appreciated.

 

When my man is silent I just let him be. I can easily make out that he is frustrated with something and I will refrain from asking what it is (because I know he would say 'nothing') instead I will make all indirect attempts to get him open up.

I will ask him if he needs coffee or offer him a head massage (he loves massages). I would tell my DS "Don't disturb Appa, he is tired" and that would slowly ease him up. He takes his time but eventually he will get over it.

Somethings he vent out some he does not. But whatever he vents out is purely out of his will. And mostly I play just the active listener because most times he would not be wanting solutions but a genuine hearing.

Last thing my husband wants is a critic in his wife. :biglaugh
(don't get me wrong.. he takes constructive criticism well wherever applicable. I am talking in a different context where one is looking for a pair of sensitive ears alone.) And this habit of mine ensured him to see the friend in his wife. And with years, his mute period is greatly reduced in time and frequency.

He is getting more and more expressive - I can't beilieve this was the same man I married yrs ago.
Patience fom my end and trust from his end met half way and took communication/relationship uphill by God's unfailing grace.