Some dont change and my DH is one of them !

drk, you handled it well, kudos.
Next time he says D-word, you can do even better - just go out of the house for sometime, if you can stay overnight at a friend's place and dont tell him where you are. If you want to take baby take, else leave the baby for one night with him, nothing will happen.

That fool does not have guts to do anything anyway - other than yell, LOL!


But what comment did you pass? Can you clarify? And can you stop passing such comments, to avoid provoking

 

Dear Drk.,
My dear I think its best to keep quiet and not instigate when the person is angry. Trust me living in a marriage is far more difficult then quitting.What you said is perfect not too little and not too much. Often we make the mistake of finding our soul mate in our dh. and he on the other hand turns out to be our competitor. I totally agree with the insecurity part but if you remind him he will be more aggressive; and if you try to fan his ego then he will think he is a perfect creation on this earth. I hope I make sense. Love and hugs. Trust in the divine. Enjoy what you have and keep smiling. It bugs people.

 

What that guy does not realize is that its a MIRACLE that he is even married today, since I can assure you that anyone else would have kicked his -blank- <blank> and dumped him during the weeks he made her hunt for food.

I still cannot personally believe drk is trying to work this one out, but yeah good luck and give it back to him if he tries stupid stunts.</blank>

 

Somehow I dont agree with this suggestion, been there, done that, kind of situation. This will not help OP..going out for sometime is the right thing but to go without informing and staying overnight or to leave the baby with him is not right...This can aggravate the situation..

My suggestion is the DH is too frustrated and says things in anger but will not do that, he will not file for divorce....easily at least... DRK handled it quite well, even though he kept provoking using derogatory words still she was calm, I feel DRK and her DH have ego war, he feels insecure and somewhere he feels that his wife likes that way...because she said it...so its a very delicate situation, emotions can run wild and a person can react very differently even a smallest provocation.

I am too with you that hats off to DRK who survived in this relationship so far, that she had to walk to get food and this guy really was heartless..But this is a problem of ego and control. DRK replies might also instigate him like when he said " I will leave the home then" and she replied " what you want to do you do" he may have got more insulted that she does not care...of course she could not be nice to him when he is asking her to get out of the house and she replied absolutely rightly but I am just talking about psychology how it evolves...

DRK the going is tough and will stay this way, how long you would live such life and what is the solution? Unless something is done now to correct by your DH it would only mean you are waiting for some day for some nasty thing to happen

 

I dont know when I read the conversation I felt it was argumentative...but with less words..he says and you say..he says..you answer...so for every counter he has..you had answered back with a counter answer! that really doesnt help..might be he was trying to save his image infront of the friend so patched up at the end of all this...

But this consistent threats of divorce need to be tackled. he has to tell you why does he threaten you with divorce everytime? if he has a problem he hs to talk and fix it rather than run away from it in the name of divorce. Also please let him know some hard facts...that you would surely fight for the custody and that you are educated and that you can also take care of the baby and that you wont let it go that easily and even though he married you out of pity, you wont let him get away with divorce and take the kid away that easily.

I really feel sad when a spouse just wants to walkout whenever they have a disagreement in the marrige..its such a childish act.sometimes I wonder the more they use the word, the more they are affirming themselves that the idea is not bad...also Please hold on to your words...stop calling him as insecure! even if you feel so,it wouldnt do any good to your marriage if you say such things

 

Quote:
I still cannot personally believe drk is trying to work this one out, but yeah good luck and give it back to him if he tries stupid stunts.
Unquote.

This comment from Spidey!! A male!! to give it BACK TO HIM if he tries stupid stunts!!:rotfl:rotfl:rotfl......

Dr.K
Okay- you handled this one right...But Ï see possibility of repeat episodes..( esp. since u say urself that hubby shows signs of insecurity).

I would suggest you start off from the beginning (like in our UKG classes) by saying SORRY.
(U have no idea what an ego booster that silly word is when a wife tells that to the hubby- He will deflate his ego like a burst balloon, and love you MORE).
Tell him u said that word-insecure- by mistake (i,e it just popped out of your mouth)...wait for his reaction (clue: look closely into his eyes:rotfl)
Then ask him is that the reason why he burst out (oops, even when friend was in the next room?:bowdown). Then talk to him and ask if he is really insecure about anything...if he does feel he looks older to you or something like that...take that as a positive sign from him ( he wants you to help him change...the guy is wanting to CHANGE HIMSELF...something any wife would die to hear from her hubby).
Then gently like a goddess swoop down and rescue your hubby from his insecurity...i.e tell him, I can help you (eg. look younger-or whatever his insecurity is)...you just need to TRY a different dressing style( dont use the word CHANGE to him - he may actually start running), Ill help you pick some good clothes, shoes for you, etc...etc...
Actually select a few stuff, (you would love to see your hubby in) and keep complimenting him when he wears them (wow-this makes ur biceps look good -hahahaha).
You can actually see the guy starting to take your suggestions and change....
(Ive tried this approach and my hubby has started wearing only those shirts that I had picked for him....he has started seeing for himself that he looks good in those......now the only issue is all the women are looking at HIM when we go out :bonk:bonk:bonk-hahahahaha)
Best of luck:thumbsup</BLANK>

 

I very well know you've been there, done that. But yours is a very different situation from drk's DH. He is not only an ego maniac, but a totally selfish person and self-centered person who can make her suffer to any extent - I mean food is so basic, that I have no clue how on earth someone can do that to his DW and how on earth that ******** (i intentionally made this as *) was left to escape without a retaliation for that.

So, totally different situation. This case of the DH requires some shock treatment for the DH, not gentle handling.

 

PStar - You made this sound beautiful and appealing.

DH: Later said I am not happy with you, I dont like you, I married you out of pity. I dont want to live with you, I want to divorce you.

Kadhu : Please, something I have said has angered you. It slipped out I am sorry, I said it. You do not do the same mistake as me, by loosing out. In anger you are talking all this, I know. I shall stay quiet for some time and also please know that am not neglecting you . Its just that I do not want to prolong this issue. There will be issues, but lets not drag them for our own happiness.. for after few mins when anger is cooled down, we ourselves regret on what we uttered, why all this pain.

DH:yeh I was pitiing on you and said so. Now I dont want you, i will book ticketsfor you to go back to india. I dont want you to be in my house. – This could have been avoided

Kadhu: literal ‘ssshhhhhh’ shaking ur head as if in expression you are saying that it has started all over AGAIN.

DH: Then i have to leave the house and go – This stmt could have been avoided.
Kadhu : Nope I don’t want that

DH: I want to divorce you, i will make papers ready and you sign.


Kadhu: I don’t personally like it.

DH sat on system and browsed while I had a shower and returned.
DH : We cant apply for divorce online we need to consult a lawyer we do it tomorrow.
Kadhu : OK (10 min passes)
DH: Keep the number of police ready. You will need it soon
Kadhu : Oh yes sure. But don’t worry I cannot hand u over to cops. (you would be tempted to utter this – “they beat u black and blue if i did”, but hold it…save it for future if ever you want to leave him)

DH; I will kick you out of the house
I Took baby and went to living room and playing. (Friend was in another room)
Kadh: Not that way. If he literally used the word ‘Kick’ you should have retorted subtly.

DH : What are you doing with baby?
Kadhu : playing
DH (to baby) : baby spend time with mama now tomorrow she wd not be there.

I continue to play with baby.Dh gets angry
DH : You are shameless, You will have a nasty divorce.. i tell you its all going to be nasty (I give a deaf ear, DH gets fruther angry)

DRK. All this is because you said you don’t want divorce. If you were a bit favoring that idea, my response would have been diff. Dont have much to say as you know a rivers path could be changed but not a person's character. You made your choice to put up with it, so y not live at peace by ignoring him and avoiding arguments. You know for sure, he is not going to do more than half of the thigns he says he would.