Doubtful behaviour of Father in law

Hi,

This has happened to one of my friends.

She is married about 6 months ago. No MIL. Only FIL. Her husband is in marketing, Goes on tour half of the month.

FIL stays with them. She feels that her FIL comes too close to her. Some times he touches her forehead or cheeks whether she is well or having any fever.

While serving coffee or snacks, he holds her hands for few moments.

She feels that some times he peeps through key hole when she takes bath.

She is unable to tell this to her husband also as he has great respects for his father.

How should she proceed and any one had such experiences?

hi Kavitha,
This is a very serious accusation. Please tell your friend to be extra sensitive about this matter. I know a family where the marriage almost broke ‘coz of this.
How old is the FIL? Old people are like babies. They like the physical touch. It is a reassurance to them that they are wanted, not redundant! After all, what are they living for? Death?
I do understand it is not always so. The first thing I would do is start addressing FIL as ‘Father’. Refer to him as father where/when ever possible. Especially in front of other people! Remind him that he is like a father every now and then. Also, give him something to do to keep his brain occupied. I know it is easy said than done!
Tea and snacks can be served on a tray… or at the dining table. The key hole can be covered by a waterproof band-aid or the towel. Have a companion at home with her most of the time. May be a relative with not many responsibilities, like a grandma.

Regards,
Sharada

I dont think this is unintentional, i think you need to find a way to let your FIL know that you understand what he is doing and you dont like it atall.

If I were you I would show some signs of anger and disgust when he touches so that he knows that I am hating what he is doing.

Also although I understant the point Sharada is making, I feel calling him Father and being nice to him is just going to make him feel you are not complaining about what he is doing, on the contrary he might feel you are liking it and he may continue his acts.

Just my point of view.

I totally belive girl's sixth sense. If she is doubting it, Chances are FIL is not beahving appropriate.

Its actually quite delicate situation for the girl in question. I think its best handled with tact. Telling husband is not any good. 99.9% he s not going to believe. I think girl in question will have to muster courage and tell this in indirect way. Since there are plenty of occassions FIL is alone with her. She can politely and firmly tell an imaginary story to him. Tell him about imaginary frend xyz, who is facing dilemma to confront her FIL for his siimilar acts.
She should tactfully ask his opinion what he would recommend that girl to do. I am sure Mr FIL will realise his mistake and be on right track.

Since she is not openly pointing finger, FIL cannt complain this to son also.
Hope this helps.

Hi
I think this a very delicate issue....i think you must tell this to ur mother as some one must always know wht is going on....as u cant say anything abt this to ur hubby..
so take all ur precaution..and also try to see tht if any of ur family members..especially old one can be with you so tht u will feel secured...

keep a towel on keyhole as suggested by others....Dont be afraid as this make ur fil to take more serious steps sp be confident tht u can protect ur self .

or if u can keep a maid for whole time means who will live with you will also work....never talk to ur fil more then needed.
Hope this will help u

take care
we r always there for help
Nirmiti

Hi,

This is a very serious problem.

I have also heard something like this before where the fil tried molesting the dil one afternoon while she was naping and hubby at work, but when she informed hubby, his father put the blame back on her.

Her husband believed the father and divorced his wife. She is now known as a characterless woman.

The thing she could do is talk to her hubby about it (tactfully), adding that she maybe not right in thinking so and could be that it was done in a fatherly affection, but still she is afraid and would like to have someone stay with them, when her hubby travels (like someone from her family or arrange an elderly maid).

On doing this she will also put a doubt on her hubby's mind. If he cares for her, he will surely act for her safety.

All the best.

Diana

Friends,

Thanks for the fed back.

Probabily her husband knowingly treat this matter as simple. Might be he depends on his father for wealth etc. She is also not from so rich family.

Further she says that her husband beds with her very rarely.

Her FIL some times ask her to press his legs and hands etc as he says he is tired and needs some massage. She had to obilige

hi Kavitha,

it does seem that old man is taking advantage of DIL
pl tell DIL not to encourage old man ...stay away from him as much as possible in current situation
DO NOT give him benefit of doubt coz he maybe craving physical touch after wife died do not stay in house/room alone with him
just like we see indian males peeing in public..why not females....cant these people wait till they reach home
ur friend should be morally/emotionally supported keep up gud work
we would like to teach old man a lesson but currently it seems difficult

Hello,
During my second son's deliver time my in-laws had visited us.
We usually don't have locks for the door in apartment.
My FIL just walked in while I was feeding my son, even my husband noticed it. But didn't take it seriously. While giving bath to the new born, my FIL will be just walking around to see me. My husband never used to close our bed room door while his parents were here, early morning my FIL used to peep into our bed room and watch me. Same thing I shared with my co-sister, later she told me that my FIL did same thing their house too... later I told all these incidents to my husband, even though he never believed me but used to observe his dad's movements. Then he realised that his father does all sorts of things. Since then my husband closes the bedroom door and keeps chair behind the door as a lock.
SO it is never to be ignored issue. Please be serious. It is better to tell to husband and caution him (whether he belives it or not).

Take care,
Punitha