My decision is based on you friends please help me

I am new to induladies and i need your help please i am very confused and very upset please help me to take my decision i need advise.I am married past 12 yrs my marriage is a love marriage i have 10 years old daughter my hubby is in USA for last 1 year we where in USA for 6 years then move to India and my husband is in USA for project now my story my husband physically abused me a lot women is nothing for him and he said its only a one side track you have to follow me only all decision is mine he is a very money minded person i belong to a very good family and i have big support of my parents i am my dad's princess my husband only marry to me because of money when he hate my parents because i have my parents support to me my dad is a very strong man in he is in politics and a business man my husband hates my family a lot when i was in America he hit me to death because of dowary every week he use to hit me because of my love marriage i hide everything then we move to India my husband buy a house in India after coming to India again he start hitting me he use his hands on me like a pen to paper all the time and he want my parents to be his servant my inlawys are know where in my story because for them i am nothing my dad said enough to him i am very secured in India when i was in America i don't know how many time i am without food
in 11 years i am my parents responsibility when i was in USA every year i use to go to India my parents send me ticket then he send me without money they know that he is a greedy man but they always said don't fight with him for money for cloths we will buy so every year i came to India and buy cloths for 1 year then again went to him i am not open to him i never demand anything i am scared from him and for my daughter she remember the way he hit me when we move to India he said every day you know why i bought this house because to show this to people that i am not demanding dowary to prove my self a good man then he went to USA everyday he call me and said i have some condition you have to leave your parents for ever i can call you in America in some condition bring your proparty part from your parents and brake the relation for ever my daughter is in a school in India i have my parents support in America for single penny i am dependent to him but in India i am on my own before going to America my husband hit me so badly on my knee my knee had problem treatment is going on and some time pain is very bad and he said one day i will make you stand against your brother and father for property i know my life is not secure with him we don't have any understanding because he is man ego person women cries are nothing for him my daughter said i don't want to go to daddy he hits you i am 32 years old i am planning for divorce i told him i need a divorce i can't sit on the floor all the time or without food i don't want to come to USA he said ok i have some loan then i can come to India for last 1 year i am staying alone with my daughter in India some times in his house or some times with my parents i don't know what to do file divorce or just live the way i am living everyday on the phone he fight with me where is property paper why your parents are not giving this and that i can come any time you have to leave them your life is my now if i complant to him he said you deserve this you came empty hand i am engineer i get married so i can have money and you did not bring that much so your life is compromised life and you have daughter only walk on my condition i talk to lawyer i am not happy all the time scared and upset if i recall my past it was very bad and hurting he never talk to my daughter even he don't care from where i am getting money my parents help me with her school fee and all that he has a lot but he never gave anything to me or to her .AS husband wife i never share anything to him even if we where out if i need water for me or my daughter i am scared to say he has nothing what a women want in her husband he is a real man without emotions he treat me like a servant or i am nothing in his life.i am a emotional women i don't know why i have a soft corner for him that's why i spend 12 years with him its a big story i can't write much. I am very simple and good looking girl i love making home i spend my time at home only i never go out or make friends the apartment building is full with women i never talk to anyone i am dead person without hopes and dreams sometimes i think i am alive only for my daughter my parents forced me not to stay alone but i like to stay alone without anyone i am badly hurt buy him because it was love marriage i love him a lot and he did this to me my parents told me go out or we can open some business but i hide from them i am mentally very disturb don't feel like to do anything i am fighting with my brain why with me i want to be happy.
MY dad always said i can teach him a lesson but because of you i am quiet because i never let him do anything
DO I FILE THE DIVORCE OR JUST LIVE THE LIFE THE WAY I AM LIVING HELP ME MY PARENTS SAID HE IS WRONG LEAVE HIM YOU TELL ME FRIENDS
my parents are with me they said its a long way to go my decision is based on your decision i already mail him please give mu teal divorce or i can stay in his house like a dead person
I WANT TO TEACH HIM WOMEN IS SOMETHING PLEASE DON'T TAKE ADVANTAGE what to do
thanks

Ritu,

I'm really sorry to hear what is going on in your life. But I think to divorce or not is a decision you have to make. It's your life, your decision. Chances are divorce will not teach your husband the value of women. He will keep on believing he is right no matter what. If he was in his right mind to learn a lesson, he would have enough sense not to abuse you in the first place!! So whatever choice you make, do it for the good of YOU and your daughter.

Ritu, I can't tell you what to do, just what I would do if I were in your shoes. I wouldn't want to live life in fear and sadness. I wouldn't want to live with somebody who disrespects and beats me. It's simple as that. So would I go for divorce? Yes.

You are lucky that you have your parents support. Lots of ladies don't have their parents support in situations like this... although you are stuck with an abusive husband, you still have great parents. Keep that in mind, and whenever you are feeling helpless, know that they are there to stand behind your decisions.

Ritu, the abuse has been going on 12 years now... it's not going to stop. You have to ask yourself if this marriage is worth sacrificing your happiness and health. Also, your daughter is growing up seeing all this, what will she learn from her parents? That it's ok for a man to hit his wife? That a woman should sit quietly and accept abuse? Whether you realize it or not, everything you do teaches your daughter a lesson, lessons she will carry with her into her own marriage. If you can't come out of this marriage for yourself, do it for her. JMO.

I cannot read your post completely. Sorry !!

How can you be with such a crappy (tried hard to write a non-censored word... I am so angry) man for 12 YEARS !!!!

You are traumatized and need counseling my dear.

Do you want your daughter to be like you or a strong woman in future? Remember she is looking upto you... that would help you to make decision I guess. As a parent you are responsible for her emotional growth as well. Remember that.. It pains to read what your daughter had said.

As ASG said.. he ain't going to change and you are blessed to have such parents. Many women fight alone... Please listen to them... They will do only the best for you.

Tell this to yourself...You are a beautiful, strong woman and will not get this abuse anymore.... Don't be scared... move on.. it will hard I understand.. but you have your parents and your little princess.. This guy is no worth to you ...

It's hard to know that these kind of men still exists.

Like suitablegirl suggested it's you who should make the decision . But if i were in my place , i would have left him longgg back and get a good lawyer and make him pay HUGE alimony for screwing my life. You have wonderful parents who supports you in every decision - like they suggested after getting a divorce , start a business and be happy in life...Life is too short to waste for people who are not worthy of it.

You are only 32 - still young...who knows? May be a beautiful life is awaiting you after all this...All the very best dear...keep us posted.

If I was you I would have left him long time back.Please stand up for yourself and have happy peaceful life.

Ritu

I understand ur love for a person who did nothing other than to hurt you. At times we live in illusions and when try to live in it even when the truth unfolds. But its been 12 years and i dont understand y u let him beat u up so many times. Trust me, the first time he did that u shud have taken a strong stand. Yeah. may be its a love marriage, may be u were adamant on marrying him or u made a mistake, but that does not mean that someone can beat u up dear. Be strong and stand for ur life and ur daughter's. Am going thru something similar, I know it hurts like hell but u have to make ur choice. How long can u live like a furniture? If u r sure that he is not gonna change or love you then forget it, the relation is not worth it. A man who beats u wud never ever respect u and y wud u need a husband like that. Be strong, do not forget that u r a human being who shud be respected and loved and not used. And do not give him a penny of ur dad s money.
Pray well and decide ur future keeping one thing in mind. Ur daughters life. From my exp, i think the best thing parents can give their kids is to love each other. If that is not there, there should at least be peace at home which ur hubby wont give u anyway... so try n think over it...

and trust me, a day will come when this too will pass and there will be a smile on ur face :)

Be brave and good luck...

Ritu,

Plz its being long and you have to make this decision alteast for your daughters future she cant seen her mom being beaten up daily and seen her father like this.... it will have a impact on her young mind... plz separate from this guy atleast for the future of your daughter and you deserve more happiness.

God bless!

Ritu,
You are only 32yrs old. You can have a new start. You have sufferred enough for 12 years. You also have your daughter to think about. Get rid of that useless husband of yours and start afresh. You are blessed to have understanding parents. It is not healthy for your daughter to grow up seeing all this abuse. It will have a negative impact on her. Please make practical decisions and help yourself. Get some counseling and let yourself heal. God bless.

hi



appreciate friends i am very happy that you friends are with me with your help i talk to the lawyer but i feel very sad for my daughter sometimes i see her and cry i have everyone father mother brother a very loving family .i don't have answers of her questions she said mom my friends are very lucky they have family because of her i was with him but he is not ready to change .i am very emotional for her i struggle a lot in my life the one i written its just a part of my life every night and day i know how i spend he leave me alone in the parks or on the roads and i walk a lot then he locked the door and i sit out side for a long time he never care night or day that time i think my love marriage is my enemy i am my father princess he did lot of me i have a big house and i am sitting outside in a snow what my life is my parents support was with me that time what life i dream what i am getting he love only money and i love family he hate me now because he wants me to leave my parents and bring the money i am not ready to leave them
writing this i don't know where is my mind or where i am my mind is always running i wake up in the night hold my daughter and cry everyday no God not with her she is a beautiful kid.

Friends without your help i am nothing please help me keep posting so i can move

Dear friend

Do one thing. Lock urself up in a room and cry till when u fall tired. Think of all the bad things he did to u, ur efforts, ur love, all ur losses and cry it out. if u need to talk to someone, do it but just get it out of ur head and heart. Trust me, the moment u fall tired of crying u will feel better. And u will be able to think better. Now u r in a very vulnerable state. Its only normal and accept the fact that life is going thru a bad phase right now. Its okay, u will have a good time soon.

Once u get it out, leave ur emotions apart. Think abt what u want in life.

What is the kind of life u want to live?
What will make u and ur daughter happy now and 5 yrs down the line?
Do u think the father of ur daughter is a man who deserves any respect?
Do u have the required qualification, financial and emotional support?
What would u like to do in ur future, work, hobbies?

Just make a list of things to build up a better tomorrow. Tackle them one by one. Trust me, it helps…

But make decisions only when u can keep ur emotions aside. Ur daughter is better off peaceful with a single parent rather than seeing her mom being abused by her dad every day. It will spoil her future.


Luv n prayers….