Happy or sad?

Last 8 months struggle of mine came to an end yesterday. My divorce judgement is final, based on adultry (yes, he admitted).
We are working on custody of the kids (I am back in US, for those of you that know my past postings), hopefully can get over that hurdle soon.
As expected. I am in a confused state of mind; happy for getting out of the last few years of misery and the harrassment from in-laws is over. Sad because I am not able to give my kids the complete family I always envisioned!!!!!
On a selfish note, guess I am happy.........I do not have deal with conflict between my brain and heart about living with an adultrous man.
Thanks for all your support guys, especially Induskr, SS, Ria and Anshu

What did you do with wedding memories after divorce?

Hi Djrp,

Sorry to hear about your divorce. May god give you a lot of strength to overcome these tough times.

Thanks,
Kavya.

Originally Posted by drjp

Last 8 months struggle of mine came to an end yesterday. My divorce judgement is final, based on adultry (yes, he admitted).
We are working on custody of the kids (I am back in US, for those of you that know my past postings), hopefully can get over that hurdle soon.
As expected. I am in a confused state of mind; happy for getting out of the last few years of misery and the harrassment from in-laws is over. Sad because I am not able to give my kids the complete family I always envisioned!!!!!
On a selfish note, guess I am happy.........I do not have deal with conflict between my brain and heart about living with an adultrous man.
Thanks for all your support guys, especially Induskr, SS, Ria and Anshu

What did you do with wedding memories after divorce?

DRJP,

Good to hear from you. You are indeed at another cross-section of your life where you will have tons of questions and self-doubts. But biggest satisfaction you would have , you did what was right for your family and yourself.

We often start life with our own definition of happiness, success and contentment. As we grow, world throws up another set of definitions on us. And we get in this constant, intermittant and confusing self-analysis process. Another baffling part in this , life is totally dynamic. No matter how much we would like it to remain good and best, it keeps changing from good to bad , bad to worse, and worse to again good. Do we have control on everything that happens to us? No, we dont. Sometimes we find our dream gone bust because of our mistake. Sometime its not even our mistake. We just had wrong people around us. And may be people were good to begin with , time changed them. Best we can do is imbibe reality, work for better present and future, and never cease to crave for happiness. For that s whole purpose of life. Living 50 years with spouse in environment of hate, disrespect and self-deprecation is definitely not what it should sum as.

My mom always says one thing, that nature and life never cease for anybody. Their inherent nature is go forwards and keep going till there is horizon in sight.

I have two friends who had to go through this juncture. One is second generation Indian girl in her 40s now. Other one is 50 plus white woman. First one says, in few years she has even forgiven her husband and moved on. For it has given her peace and ability to look beyond past. Later one feels, no matter what happens, family must go on. So she has not removed any family pictures from house walls, as her kids ( 12 and 16) have grown up seeing them. She didnot want them to suddenly get the impression, just because father doesnot stay with them, he is not their father.

Love
Ria

Dear Drjp

Yes One side this news very good/On other side may be bad news.Any way ,now you should living alone.Even you are staying with your parants ,friends.Even though your mind says ,you live alone.

Try to change your place/learn further studies,music

Belive god.

You face lot problem.Also u learn lot more than married life.

Always you think I am a courgeuos peroson,I can able to take right decision.

You love yourself more and more.That is very Important.

Don't worry ! When ever problem comes

Tell this manthra's

What ever happens ,Happens for the Best

Regards

Hi

I am sending Bluprint Sucess

I hope this will help you

Regards

Hi DRJP,

Please move ahead in life with a positive attitude. As Jai said i too believe in the mantra WHATEVER HAPPENS HAPPENS FOR GOOD.

So now look forward to raising your children in a more cheerful environment, lest your brooding affect them. You can't change the past, but can build a beautiful future by taking the right decisions in the present.

Now see, what best you can do for yourself and your children and move along.

All the Best.

Dear DRJP,

I cannot say whether this is happy or sad..............God Almighty is the one who decides everything for us...........so first we should learn to accept whatever is happening is because of HIM, that thought itself will bring more peace in us............dont worry everything that is going to happen in future also will be God's wish......................
Now is the time you should be mentally strong enough to handle children.........dont loose faith in HIM .................
I pray for you and your children for good health, long life, wisdom, peace and happiness.....................

Dear Drjp,

Your confusion is perfectly understandable. Most of us get into a marriage thinking and believing that this will be the biggest anchor in our life and the biggest constant too. Sometimes this belief is defied and we are left to wonder what really happened and why did it happen to us?

Take your time to come to terms with this new reality in your life. It will not be an easy thing but you will get there slowly. Knowing your story, I do feel that it would have been impossible for you to live with that man. You would've lost yourself living with him and the kids would've lost a normal life, let alone, a secure future. I cannot imagine anyone could've lived and raised a normal family under such circumstances. So what happened, happened for the better.

Now how to deal with the aftermath, is the biggest question you face - the emptiness, the loneliness and the feeling of being deceived and being at the receiving end for no fault of yours. When emotions drain you out, there is no way but to treat things practically. Treat this re-vamping the self as a project whose incharge is you. And start working on it like you would on any project. Of course, you will be overcome by emotions and there will be days when you will not be able to pull yourself out from all the memories. That's okay. It is normal. The key is to also have a plan that you can follow most of the time. Find things that give you peace of mind. Explore things that you haven't yet explored that may give you mental peace. Some memories cannot be erased. Only their severity can be lessened as time goes by. We have to work on it , it does not happen on its own.

I am sure Induskr can help you a lot in this phase.

Wish you all the very best. You have taken the right decision and I am sure you will do just fine. Their will be glitches on the way but I know that you will not just survive but thrive in life!

My best wishes to you from the bottom of my heart.
SS

Hi drjp,

I just wanted to chime in and wish you the very best in life! I guess being in a confused state of mind is very normal at this juncture. Keep reminding yourself that you did the right thing for you and your kids. Hopefully after child custody issues are sorted out, you can finally move on and live life on your terms. As for memories, time has this ability to fade things out if you want it to. All the best for the wonderful life that lies ahead of you!

Good Luck and God Bless,
CarpeDiem

sorry to hear about it, but you did for the family. May u have the strength to overcome everthing. Things will fall into places, not to worry.