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Hi, for thse of you who have a separte life from your husb, how did you start the process of leaving?? my husb are constantly up and down, we are really tired of each other, i'm not sure what to do. I really can;t live a happy life with this man. i;m afraid to leave, but i know i would be happier without him. so how did you all separate your lives from each other? Also if you have kids how did that play a role?

sash

Sashie,

Sorry to hear about your marital woes. If things are not working out, the first thing to do will to start living separately. In order for a divorce to be granted on mutual consent, both husband and wife need to be living separately for atleast 6 months to 1 year, the exact time depends on which state you are living.

Then you need to contact a good lawyer so that you can file the actual divorce and figure out how much alimony/settlement you are entitled to. If you had been working, it would be a lesser amount than if you were stay at home. Generally, the alimony is paid in a monthly installement for a period equal to 1/2 the time you were married and living together. Or you can speed up the process by mutually agreeing to dividing up the assets rather than wait for the judge to decide the alimony/settlement amount. But talk to your lawyer to make sure that the amount you settle upon is reasonable.

You will also need to work on divvying up the home assets, jewelry etc. Start by opening up your own bank account.

If children are involved, the judge will decide who they stay with. Generally, they rule in favor of mom and give the father visitation rights. The father then also has to pay child support to the mom until the child reaches 18 or 21 years of age.

Hope this info helps. It is based on the divorce of someone in my family. But do talk to a lawyer and find out the exact rules of the state in which you live.

Pooja

Originally Posted by sashie

Hi, for thse of you who have a separte life from your husb, how did you start the process of leaving?? my husb are constantly up and down, we are really tired of each other, i'm not sure what to do. I really can;t live a happy life with this man. i;m afraid to leave, but i know i would be happier without him. so how did you all separate your lives from each other? Also if you have kids how did that play a role?

sash

before you talk to lawyer, talk to your about to be ex husband.
sit with him and tell him about separation , discuss things openly and talk about money and resettlement....how the division will take place....
and try to behave like mature adults parting with a mutual handshake than bitter acrimony of courts in us as well as in india...

well, even the most mature adult needs to be careful about "how much" information you share with your soon to be Ex about your desire to get separated. It depends on his temperament and what you think his opinion is about getting a divorce or even separation.

Statistics show that a woman puts herself in life threatening situations when she decides to leave a relationship. Especially with Indian men, it's a matter of pride and ego and even the most mature male can't digest the fact that his wife wants to leave him.

So, be careful about how you approach your decision to get separated. You should go for it if you truly believe that you will be happy without him. After all, we only have one life to live and you have to make the best of it for yourself and your children. Don't let the kids be apart of your decision to be happy. Unless they are teenagers and you think you can stay in this for a couple more years until they go away to college. If not, leave now.

Talk to an attorney first and then come up with a strategy to leave.

Good Luck!!