Why people comment thus about widows

Can't agree! If that was the case, widowed men would have faced the same remarks. But mostly people feel sorry for them "Oh, what will he do without his beloved wife!"

I guess this comes from the shock to their contrary belief that a woman needs a man all through her life emotionally and financially, a father until she gets married, husband till his death and son until her death. A widow who is able to keep herself happy is a cultural shock for them and they use these remarks to, may be, make themselves feel superior than the women they talk about.

 

Now, now -- I was careful to not propose an exclusive idea - it doesn't have to be all or nothing, does it?

My aim was to highlight a subtle undercurrent that may not otherwise come up in the thread. I was confident that the other views would be well expressed without my intervention & felt no pressure to voice them.

Comments about men, along the lines of 'well, he moved on pretty quick, didn't he', are not at all uncommon. Not even in the west. :rotfl

 

No pressure! I realized your "Part of the reason" only after clicking the submit button and then thought, ok, no harm in my reply.

 

The above can happen - especially if one family member is still hurting a lot from a loss and takes a longer time to overcome, and some other (while may be hurting) can have joy co-exist - it creates a friction. Understanding human behavior is quite complex, yeah.

 

Part of it (being puzzled by 'normalcy', not catty remarks) could be a general unawareness of positive/negative coping mechanisms.

 

Rihana, they comment because they are illeterate, insane & they are not able fore see their future, that sometime in life they also end up in the same situation if their husband passes away.......

 

Dear Rihana,

Our society gives more importance to men rather than women. That is the problem. I would not say only women make such comments. Men too do it. In some places if it is a widower he is advised to get married again within 6 months of his wifes demise irrespective of his age. I dont know why they don't advise women like this.

The mindset of all needs to change.

Regards
Uma

 

Ms Rihana

I make differences between natural or blood relation and created relations. In natural and blood relation I include parents / children / siblings and also the ones in family tree but exclude those relations which come by marriages. A bhaabi or chaachi or a mausa etc are all relations by marriages which fall under the category created relations that chiefly consists of spouses and relations growing out that and also include friends.

If one can over come the grief of parents or children and lead normal lives, a woman is supposed to live that kind of life after death of her husband. But husband and father are not same for a woman. Particularly in rural Indian contexts, a woman is identified before marriage by her father and, after marriage by her husband.

The daughter - father relations do not need much ingredients to grow, as the relations are natural . But her relation with her husband needs lots of ingredients to grow well (I am not going into the details). Going by the prevalent standards a successful relation with husband glorifies the woman in our society. In the TV serials, soap operas, films or by our sense of social values, a woman is labeled good or bad by the kind of relation she has/had with her husband. An arguing , revolting woman is not seen with kindness by our society. It is thus quite understandable, how the society will view her, if she maintains her normal life even after losing her mainstay in life (husband) . She must be bad.

 

@SGBV- A very lovely post. Thanks for sharing.