Sad, depressed and lost.

lavenderlove · Nov 8, 2015

Dear ladies,

I have been reading this forum for several months and now only thought of writing.

I have just come out of a 7 year marriage followed by a 2 year separation period and now finally divorced. There were several reasons for the breakup of the marriage and inlaws interference and weakness of husband was just one of them. Also I lost my mental and physical health while suffering those humiliations and still trying to save the marriage for the society. Separation has been good to me that way, I regained my strength and became physically healthy. Thank God for that.

But there are some things which I am not able to make peace with-

1. The way my ex and his family tried to slander my name and break me even in the course of the divorce proceedings. For this I can never forgive them.

2. I lost the most important part of my youth fighting a battle which I anyway bitterly lost. I loved him, made several sacrifices and tried everything to save the marriage. Now I am in my mid 30's. What is my future going to be? I'm really worried about this.

3. I'm completely cut off from relatives and cousins, for whom I am a burden or a negative influence I suppose. I live in UK, by God's grace have a job and am independent. But I have no friends. No social life, no family except my parents. My parents are old and have their health problems and right now I'm a big worry for them.

I would like to connect with ladies who have been through a divorce or who know people who have gone through this. I am looking for emotional support and also some motivation to move on and build my life.

anumuralik · Nov 8, 2015

You endured your share of bitterness in life... You had your share of sadness,your share of troubles, your share of all the bad that could ever happen... Leave it there... Step aside.... Now it's time to have your share of happiness... Your share of peace of mind... YOUR LIFE.... LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST.... Join art clubs... Socialise yourself... Not just with people who suffered like you but with everybody.... Be an inspiration.... Good to know you had your own job and status in your life.... Help someone like you to build a life of their own.... So that you can have an accomplishment in your life.... A self satisfaction of helping someone.... Keep smiling.... Lots of hugs and good wishes...

Tryinghard2013 · Nov 8, 2015

I have been there done that. I truly understand how you feel like so much time has gone and all that is left is depression and loneliness. If your divorce is new, u will continue to feel sad and empty. I had joined an art class after my divorce but depression made me it so hard for me to concentrate on the class. I just let it go. In short, I mean you need healing time. Read good books and maybe find someone you can talk to. Maybe a friend, a neighbor, a coworker. That helps tremendously. You will surely find someone to settle down as being in mid thirties is not a big deal. You can always get married to a guy as someone is out there for you. But to reach him, you need to get out of your current state and lead a normal life. Don't care what others think.you are lucky you are in a foreign country. That way you can build your life back without undue attention.
As far as your parents go, you be happy and at peace. That will assure them. They for sure will be worried for you till u find someone else but just to make them happy, you be in a comfortable/ confident state of mind. Please let me know if I can be of any help.

lavenderlove · Nov 8, 2015

Thanks anumuralik for your motivating words. I've recently joined a dance class and trying to make new friends too. But most of the ladies my age are married and have kids and are so involved in their family lives. I hope as you say, all my share of unhappiness is over and I will come here to give you some good news soon. Thank you.

lavenderlove · Nov 8, 2015

Tryinghard2013 said: ↑

I have been there done that. I truly understand how you feel like so much time has gone and all that is left is depression and loneliness. If your divorce is new, u will continue to feel sad and empty. I had joined an art class after my divorce but depression made me it so hard for me to concentrate on the class. I just let it go. In short, I mean you need healing time. Read good books and maybe find someone you can talk to. Maybe a friend, a neighbor, a coworker. That helps tremendously. You will surely find someone to settle down as being in mid thirties is not a big deal. You can always get married to a guy as someone is out there for you. But to reach him, you need to get out of your current state and lead a normal life. Don't care what others think.you are lucky you are in a foreign country. That way you can build your life back without undue attention.
As far as your parents go, you be happy and at peace. That will assure them. They for sure will be worried for you till u find someone else but just to make them happy, you be in a comfortable/ confident state of mind. Please let me know if I can be of any help.
Click to expand...

Thank you for your reply. You are so right about that empty feeling. I am trying to develop other hobbies than just work. But on weekends I feel so lonely and lost. Also, I feel that I have made peace with my past and that I am ready to move on. But i wonder how to meet people and build relationships. Did you remarry or are trying to? How do you go about that? Also, how to trust again is the big question now for me.It would be nice if we could get in touch somehow, so that we can share.

Tryinghard2013 · Nov 8, 2015

lavenderlove said: ↑

Thank you for your reply. You are so right about that empty feeling. I am trying to develop other hobbies than just work. But on weekends I feel so lonely and lost. Also, I feel that I have made peace with my past and that I am ready to move on. But i wonder how to meet people and build relationships. Did you remarry or are trying to? How do you go about that? Also, how to trust again is the big question now for me.It would be nice if we could get in touch somehow, so that we can share.
Click to expand...

I wish I can give you my email address but I think not possible on this forum. I did remarry a divorcee and have 2 kids now. You should not make this a priority right now but concentrate on leading a normal life. Always remember, change your perception if you think your life is empty just Coz u are not married and do not have a partner. There are so many miserable women in marriages they don't want to be in just Coz they can't get out due to kids, parental pressure etc. are u on any networking sites? Maybe you can have friends thru that.
As well as trust goes, your marriage was a fraction of your life that didn't work for multiple reasons. Some might be from ur side and some from his. It's not like you were failed in all relationships right from birth. So why is trust an issue? It was never for me. My marriage broke Coz of pretty much the same reasons. I don't know the details of your case but inlaw issue, emotional abuse etc were the problems in my case and I never had a problem trusting anyone else Coz I viewed my failed marriage as a failed project and not an indispensable part of my life for which I would ruin my future life and relationships.

lavenderlove · Nov 8, 2015

Congratulations tryinghard, for rebuilding your life. That's amazing! How did you meet your hubby?

For me my trust issues are mainly due to the fact that when I met my ex, he appeared nice and his family too. I never ever imagined that they would turn out to be this kind of monsters who try to break their own son's marriage. After that i ask myself, how to identify these traits and how to be careful.

At the end i know that some things happened because they were destined to and there were some things over which i had no control whatsoever. But still the mind keeps looking for answers.

CoolPie · Nov 8, 2015

Feel good that you are out of a miserable state. For now, just concentrate on leading a normal life. Good that you have joined dance classes. That would keep you occupied. Try to forget the past. Dont think of any past situations for a few months. Watch good films like animal films, comedy types etc,

I think you can regain your emotional stability soon if you were to avoid thoughts about the past.

God bless you.

StrongLady · Nov 9, 2015

Hello LavenderLove,

I really like your Profile name. It shows the positive attitude in u. Right now u r very low but still looking from my positive angle.

Yes forget the past, it keeps coming infront of u and u will be having mixed feelings.

I.wouldn't suggest u much to make friends coz there will be married ladies with kids who always mainly talk abt kids. So that make u more upset. Instead do these things which will bring even more positive wonderful changes in u

- yoga
- meditation
- exercise
- facials

make ur mind and body beautiful. A beautiful change in u will bring a more beautiful life.

Just to know how people are, create matrimonial profile and just keep seeing how guys are. Before u approach do a Self realization check too, any small thing u feel bad abt urself, fix that. Read these kind of forums more to know how now a days guys are. More abt divorce ladies who married etc.
All the best

DrSKY · Nov 10, 2015

Dear LavenderLove,
Count all your positives daily(a must), you have come out of the toughest situations, you have endured for you are strong, and now it is time to recuperate & rebuild, get back on your feet, take it one day at at time, time is the best healer and with time,effort and love the past will fade into oblivion, so focus on your physical and mental peace, GOD and spirituality, re-connect with your family and friends for support, connect with support groups online and offline, share happy and good moments with those around you(will automatically make you healthier, in peace & elevate your life), form new relationships, you are quite young and you can remarry one day...just take some time in getting to know the person.
Join meditation and yoga classes, it can help you to slowly fade the tumultuous past from your mind, build your strength...meditation and kriya yoga helps. Visit artoflving.org for more info and for research.
When you are ready to move on and meet that special someone in your life, visit matrimonial sites, go for luncheon dates or speed dating (available in UK) or consult matchmakers.
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And pray to God daily(for God is love) and HE can bring you love(miracles happen daily), and help couples and singles seeking love and marriage as much as possible(through out your life) so that positive karma/action will bring positivity or love into your life eventually.

Wish you the best,
Dr.Sky