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Sad, depressed and lost.

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by lavenderlove, Nov 8, 2015.

  1. ABD

    ABD Senior IL'ite

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    Dear lavenderlove,

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    1. The way my ex and his family tried to slander my name and break me even in the course of the divorce proceedings. For this I can never forgive them.

    Don't value people and their behaviour more than your peace and life. Forgive yourself first, it seems you are still stuck in the same situation even after divorce. Its not good for your ownself. may be slowly but Forgive everyone. Its life, people do bad things , you get cheated and humiliated but you cant carry their sin in your heart. When you will forgive, you will see life is so easy and good. That is the only way to let happiness in your heart. Empty your mind and heart from negative feelings to let positivity come to you. Be brave to accept your situation and move on.
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    2. I lost the most important part of my youth fighting a battle which I anyway bitterly lost. I loved him, made several sacrifices and tried everything to save the marriage. Now I am in my mid 30's. What is my future going to be? I'm really worried about this.

    Age is what you feel. Don't be scared of being in Mid 30's. Actually its a perfect age, You are free , you are Young, Have a good Job, Stay in UK. what else you want....:) just look at the brighter side and be happy.

    TIP : Write what all positive things you have in your life.
    Write what all you can do to secure your future.
    Write what makes you happy.

    You will get your answer

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    3. I'm completely cut off from relatives and cousins, for whom I am a burden or a negative influence I suppose. I live in UK, by God's grace have a job and am independent. But I have no friends. No social life, no family except my parents. My parents are old and have their health problems and right now I'm a big worry for them.

    hmmm, Parents..... Show them that you are Strong, Independent women and you know how to deal with this situation. Its just another phase of life and that you are not the only one facing it. Stay calm. You dont have to suffer for what ppl did to you.

    They should not but you should be taking care and worrying about them. So take control of your life and spend good time with them. Remember your childhood days with them.

    Its a coincidence ; I posted this today, you may want to read it..

    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/life-without-spouse/279056-this-might-help.html#post3643490
     
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  2. catwalk

    catwalk Gold IL'ite

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    Follow your instincts..Take your own time to recover ..Do not force yourself to find another match..There is no deadline..

    First you enjoy the freedom..A social circle might be a burden at this stage..Don't trust anyone..Concentrate on your work and family..Be visible in family events..

    There may be proposals from divorcees...Be careful..Don't jump into commitments..
    Let the relationship build up in its natural pace..( better to be from known circles)..

    May God Bless you..
     
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  3. Kinzanoor

    Kinzanoor New IL'ite

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    We are married since 2013 and my husband lives in England he's had to go there after getting married and sorted papers work me but as you know Britain laws very strict and it takes to long to sorted everything and now papers finallllly will be done in next three months!!!
    But here's a problem we had a big fought bcz of this bcz it's takes to long since we together whenever I asked my husband to come there's a problem or excuse he made and break his promise to me as he's did this time he's promised me he will come in oct I count down days months and when oct arrived I ask him what's ur plan are you coming? And his said straight away he's can't he's only want to come when he's take me with him it's hard to leave u again and why you do wurry we'll be together rest of our lives why it's so hard now how can you live this long without me
    Well I lost my mind and it a unacceptable thing for me I trust on him he's breaking his promises multiple times and I said some hursh words he's started ignoring me and I cried for night and tries to convince him tell him open how im feel but he's seems I'll talk to you only when you clam down I'm hurt badly I loves him soo much and did wait for him been longer what nothing worth in his eyes I'm felt like he's dont do care abt me don't love me all making me fool im on next level and cut my wrist and said him if he's hurt myself I'll hurt myself more he's started saying me sorry and said You don't deserve me what I made you to do but after two days passed I cut again my wrist bcz I don't want to live anymore im hurt and there's no hope left
    When I open my eyes im in hospital in really serious condition well im save when I went home my sister in law text me and saying all you want my brother intention that's why u did this what kind of woman you are and putting blame on me assuming things upto her I asked him abt my husband and she's said he's not at home he's just text me and said I'll come back but im really stressed out don't want to meet with anyone my wife's in serious condition and all my fault she's don't deserve me I love her but look what I made her to do
    I tried to ring him text him but there's no answer and after 3 weeks passed he's text me and said
    I don't know what to say to you everyone saying me it's not my fault how come ur wife do this with you sort out her now deal with your actions I'll let you know what I want to do next maybe you will get sense how to treat a husband end off bye
    And block me I can't reply him can't say him anything well after two weeks passed he's text me and said move on but now remember a thing b4 I did more then a husband does but what I get in returns I'm not nice anymore with you now you will see a totally different person if you want to give me back be a normal wife and have patient be scared of god and ask forgiveness to god not to me!!
    Im not hurt and mad im normal and better for you to get back in senses it's was a drama you thred me to kill your self and disrespect me
    Well now it's been a month he's not answering my fone calls b4 we talk daily im texting him he's seen and ignore hardly reply any of text messages im said sorry a million Times but nothing changes I know I can't make a change over a night but it's hard to deal with cold hearted
    I love him he's knows that's but misunderstanding alot in between us and I know it's all my fault my actions was wrong I push him away
    He's not showing me love care and interests it's hard to make up with him even though he's not with me I don't know what to do how to win his trust back how to make him fall in love all over again
    It's hurting me he's behave like a stranger for me it's feels like I never knew him b4 totally different person and I want my husband back the one who's loves me alot
    And it seems a impossible things for me like a dream who's never comes true im ignoring what he's doing how he's treating me just focus on loving him making him feels special but nothing changes in his behaviour im quite worried what he's want from me how I can better myself more what's going on in his mind
    Are he's still loving me if he's then why he's stop showing me why he's actions telling me a different story I can't get all my answers I can't say to him bcz already did a messed Dont want to make a small mistake
     
  4. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Lavenderlove, I feel sorry for you. Be brave & strong. Make some good friends and try to socialize so that you can feel better. Divorce is not end of life, it's start of a new life....

    I also live in UK, please let me know if you need any help. Feel free to PM me.
     
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  5. lavenderlove

    lavenderlove New IL'ite

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    Stronglady, you are right. I have decided to concentrate on myself for the time being and improving my mind body image. I had made a profile sometime back in one matrimonial site just to see how things are and I also wanted to analyze myself to see if i am ready, how i feel while communicating. But i received only interests from guys in India and most of them just want to come abroad. I have nothing against guys settled in India but the ones who contacted me were just not my types. So i dropped it. Actually that episode made me feel more lonely and i started wondering if i will ever find someone of my type, some one who will respect me for who i am and not for where i am and what i have achieved.
     
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  6. lavenderlove

    lavenderlove New IL'ite

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    Thank you for your positive words. I have a lot of hurt and fear inside me, but I also feel that i'm ready to meet my life partner. Afterall love is a great healer right. Specially when it is the right person for you, everything around changes and gets a new meaning. Yes, I'm ready for that kind of love. I am an educated and independent woman and have a lot of diverse interests, smart and outgoing, goodlooking, can talk well. Indian men seem very intimidated by me, also i feel most Indian men are not intersted in a divorced woman unless they are divorced themselves. I respect their preference. But where do I meet the right ones?
     
  7. lavenderlove

    lavenderlove New IL'ite

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    Thank you ABD, makes a lot of sense. I have started journaling and writing down my feelings. Will add these to the list too. It makes me feel so positive.

    Thank you for this warning. I was on one matrimonial site as I already mentioned before. And I felt the same way when I saw people talking badly about their ex's. I believe that when a relationship goes wrong, there are always 2 parties that are involved. One might be more guilty than the other but no one one earth is perfect.

    Thank you for the offer. Will write to you.
     
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  8. ssaratha

    ssaratha New IL'ite

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    Be strong ,and find some friend to share your feelings ,which would help you to get relief for time being.
    Best of Luck.
     
  9. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

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    You know my husband and I were separated for a while because of in law issues and other things, I was so lost and empty without him. But you know what I took the bull by the horns and used this time to better myself, I went to therapy, helped a lot, joined athletic clubs, took lessons in things I always wanted to learn, bought new clothse, took care of my appearance and just changed. I know my situation is different then yours, but I always look back on that time fondly as I grew immensley as a person and gained a lot of confidence and love for myself.
     
  10. bijzzz

    bijzzz New IL'ite

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    Take your own time to get out of this...
     

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