Very upset and help urgently needed

blossomingbud · Sep 27, 2015

And how would you have stopped her? OP, you can't stop anyone from cheating.

Stop feeling guilty. You are doing everything you can. As previously mentioned, time is the best healer. Accept your past. Stop thinking "what if".

paramlav · Sep 28, 2015

Your bro took right decision by giving divorce ..why do think you want to stop that if you were there. Already she has bf so it's ridiculous to continue relationship with her..it's ok happened is happen . You don't feel guilty bcoz u have extended your support how much u can..time heals everything . Think now what u can do now

ssg · Sep 28, 2015

Thanks Paramlav and Blossomingbud for your support.
The girl was guilty when asked abt the cheating, my Bro didnt think abt Divorce.
But when she and her family started blaming my bro for her cheating, he got angry.
They said since my bro didnt give her enough love and caring, she ended up doing this. and they kept on arguing , shouting on my Bro.

I thought, if i was there, i would have calmed them down. Made her say sorry and my bro wouldnt have divorced.
He is very sensitive and not able to stand strong after this.

Yep i am talking to my family daily, giving them support. I wish time should heal but hope my brother is not getting mentally disturbed and not able to come out of it. I will talk to him daily to get him out of this.

Thank you all

paramlav said: ↑

Your bro took right decision by giving divorce ..why do think you want to stop that if you were there. Already she has bf so it's ridiculous to continue relationship with her..it's ok happened is happen . You don't feel guilty bcoz u have extended your support how much u can..time heals everything . Think now what u can do now
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paramlav · Sep 29, 2015

Exactly they should be ashamed of themselves , if she doesn't get love and care is there any rule to end up like this...ridiculous ..there are many wives who don't get love still they continue their relationship with hope ..one-day Will come for them to be loved. That lady should be happy she got divorce . How kind u people are with simple sorry u people forget everything and welcome her backkneesmiley

introspection · Sep 29, 2015

My 2 cents in blue

ssg said: ↑

Hello All,

I have been seeing threads in IL after the divorce of my brother. In my family no one had divorce and it was devasting for us. My brother looked very brave and was doing his job and hoping the future will have something good.
The girl cheated on him saying he didnt spend enough time with her , she made a boy friend and on top blamed my brother false allegations, she was adamant on divorce. even my brother did not go behind her so it ended up very ugly fight.

My 2 cents in blue

Have been through the same situation, divorce came after a long struggle of 6 years. The best years of my life post marriage were spent in solitude, like bachelor. Zillion efforts of reconciliation, all fell on deaf ears. Reasons of divorce : trivial, lets say incompatibility to be decent.

i am in another country and was pregnant that time, due to which i was not able to go india and do anything. from past 1 yr also with new born baby i have not been able to visit and only talking on phone. i get sleepless nights and always keep thinking, if i would have gone to India i would have stopped this divorce. I would have done that, i would have done this...i feel guilty that i couldnt do anything for my brother.i am not able to help my parents or brother to come out of this trouble. i wonder if my situation is like this, what about my brother.

Why do you feel guilty ? You think you could have prevented her from cheating ?
Everybody under the globe in my part of the world right from the foot soldier, to the king, tried to convince my ex wife, to reconcile, but nothing worked. So bottom line if the divorce has to happen it will happen, regardless of how many could you rally to broker peace. Your visit to India, would not have prevented this divorce, so get that burden off your shoulders.

Not able to see my parents and bro getting devasted and spoiling their lives.
recently i am feeling my brother talks same thing again and again and kind of fear all time. he is talking negative thoughts and kind of depressed.

It sure is the most difficult phase in your parents and brothers life, and they have to stand together as a family giving each other the emotional support to ride through these difficult times. When I was going through a divorce, my family and me went through a monumental roller coaster, most of the days were spent introspecting, weeping, complaining, crying, sharing the pain.

I never felt so miserable in life before, the kind of feeling that I experienced during the course of divorce, could not match the feeling of flunking in exams. It was more of desperation than anything else. I always felt, I would kill myself or more so not survive without my ex wife. I was a complete mental wreck. My work suffered.

I never did have any hope in life at that point of time.

One of my friends always used to advice me saying "what cannot be cured should be endured"

My parents cant see him like this and suffering every day. Why god punished them at this old age. There are men who are so dominating to wives, torture them for money etc still they adjust. Within our family only i saw.
where as my brother was not like that, ( he was stubborn person and not very jovial outgoing).for those reasons girl left and spoiled his life.

The most logical thing would be to question God. But everything happens for a reason. What if your brother discovered the scandal after 10 long years of marriage. He would be more devasted than what he is now. Atleast, now he has supporting parents, supporting sister, so he should be able to cope with this failure better.

what can i do for him, how can i save my brother?.

Talk to your brother as much as you can, coach him to be positive. Give him examples from real life. By the way, a divorce does not make your brother untouchable. A divorcee may not be the ideal marriage candidate, but that does not mean this is the end of the world, and he will continue to lead a hermits life.

please i beg IL members, pour in some genuine counsellors or psychiatrists in Hyderabad Telangana, India. i am planning to go India and take him to doctors or counsellors once.

Prayer / Counselling / Advice / Activity / Physical Exercise (super combination of all this). Does he have friend ?

One of my college friends was a real support during these tumultuous days.

Also can you all please pray 1 min for me, asking god help me to get my parents and brother out of this worst situation in life.
He should get a life partner and have a kid. Cannot see him living lonely all alone.
Click to expand...

Ok finally, if it can do any good. I got married again, my new wife accepted me without any preconditions (in-spite of me having a child from my previous marriage). I am married now for 2+ years, blessed with a daughter. Life started again from scratch, doing ok at work, new responsibilities, new horizons. I dont think much about what happened in the past.

Your brother will be ok. God bless !

“Hold fast to dreams, For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird, That cannot fly.” ― Langston Hughes

ssg · Sep 30, 2015

@ Introspection.

Thank you so so much for your kind words and giving me hope and encouragement.
You have answered these questions that were in my mind from so many days. I got tears again into my eyes reading your reply.
Yes what you did was correct, trying for years coz atleast you tried your best from your side to save the marriage. Thats what i wanted to do and infact did thru phones. she ignored my calls and emails.

Everyone makes vowes to stay with the spouse in good and bad times in marriage then how come all these people taking divorces saying their spouse has some problem.

Thanks again. God bless your family

I wish and pray, my brother also some day have a family with a lovely daughter.

The most logical thing would be to question God. But everything happens for a reason. What if your brother discovered the scandal after 10 long years of marriage. He would be more devasted than what he is now. Atleast, now he has supporting parents, supporting sister, so he should be able to cope with this failure better.

introspection said: ↑

My 2 cents in blue

Ok finally, if it can do any good. I got married again, my new wife accepted me without any preconditions (in-spite of me having a child from my previous marriage). I am married now for 2+ years, blessed with a daughter. Life started again from scratch, doing ok at work, new responsibilities, new horizons. I dont think much about what happened in the past.

Your brother will be ok. God bless !

“Hold fast to dreams, For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird, That cannot fly.” ― Langston Hughes

Click to expand...

blossomingbud · Oct 3, 2015

"best defence is a good offence". That is the path they took it. They didn't blamed your brother in a fist of anger. They knew what they were doing. If a person truly regrets cheating/lieing and understands the damage that did to a relationship, they will be willing to accept and work on it. Not fining excuses and justifying it.

Good luck to you and your family.

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Very upset and help urgently needed

blossomingbud Silver IL'ite

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introspection Silver IL'ite

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