Hating my mom for forcing on matches i don't like. How to avoid this match?

Try do not judge someone on looks solely. Start a conversation and maybe meet him. You never know what destiny has in store!

 

I suspect it is your parents' insistence which is mainly getting on your nerves. You must remember though not to throw the baby out with the bath water.

I hear you when you say you didn't find his pictures attractive. However you will do well to not judge by those. I do not say looks and height aren't important. However, you might want to go with an open mind and just meet him. You don't have to go there to nod your head about everything and please him but you can be cordial and civil. It might work or it might not. You will never find out unless you make a genuine attempt.

Amazing as it would be that that the guy of our dreams comes and sweeps us off our feet, it doesn't seem to happen much outside movies. It is all a package deal. Like they say, one has to kiss a lot of frogs before finding their prince!

 

I am going to disagree with the other posters in this case. OP, you have been talked into a bad situation by your parents before and gotten burned. Now they are at it again and I think you are absolutely correct to be leery. If it was me, I would not get them involved at all and if you need help, enlist someone you know who will be good at the job. The situation with this particular guy does not seem on the up and up and additionally you just don't like his appearance. In marriage appearance does carry weight as you have to see that person each day, have sex with him, etc.

 

There are MANY, MANY factors which are more important in life than appearance. Pls. dont discard just based on appearance, give weightage to other important factors. I am not saying appearance is not a factor, but other factors are VERY IMPORTANT for marriage. This is not puppy love or college love, but life is more than all this. Meet him, give it a chance.

 

I am going to disagree to your post yumsmiley. You love somebody for their nature, hence the attraction persists.

If looks alone decide then, probably by about a year or two, who knows even within months, the sheen of attraction is lost.

 

Say no firmly if you are interested.

no point going ahead with do much negativity

 

To all the posters who insist OP meet the unwanted alliance:

Why is it ok for guys to choose girls based on looks, but if a girl doesn't like a guys looks then somehow she is closed-minded?

Husbands and wives are supposed to be intimate together, if one partner isn't attracted to the other, what type of marriage is that.

I understand in circumstances people are forced to get married, i.e. economics, war, etc, but OP isn't facing such things. In the scheme of world history, we are actually living in relatively peaceful times.


Tell your parents you rather stay single the rest of your life, lose your beauty, gain 500 lbs, than be tied to this person who doesn't know the meaning of "no".

- You are not going to call him
- You are not going to personally visit him
- You are not going to open his emails
- You are not going to answer his calls


Seriously, I am so fired up reading this right now.

I remember when we were doing alliance, my dad liked this person's son, but I didn't like him, and in sheer anger (after I was married to my now ex) I got angry at the father of the boy via email because already he was asking for paperwork to sponsor his son in USA without even hearing whether I said yes or no. Instead of telling my dad about the email, I wrote a nastygram, and blocked his incoming emails.

(But on the other hand, I was going ga-ga over the missed match, even though my dad said "no" and he, and his older, married brother, father-of-two who is friendly with fake **** accounts on facebook, were calling my dad, calling my cousin-brother .... it was madness!!!)

I do have tremendous guilt for being rude in email (see previous posts), because at least my dad found a friend in the boy's father (now he is alone all day, just watches old Hindi movies which reminds him of his youth), but this is the part of the culture I don't like.

They think because parents agree to the match, then girl must also agree.


But I am learning to stand up for myself so these situations DON'T OCCUR IN THE FIRST PLACE. I am doing lot of INTROSPECTION.

OP, please find the courage in yourself (yes, you have courage, and yes you are BEAUTIFUL), to stand up to your parents.

Be polite.


And if you need help (don't we all), please pray out loud to God.


UPDATE


Also, OP, please focus on being the type of person you would want to be with.

In my case, I'm am learning to take care of health (tomorrow, I may be ready to do 36 Surya Namaskars), eat healthy, drink plently of water, have a hobby, take some continuing education course, take stewardship of things you are responsible for.


Let your inner beauty shine

 

CE,
There is nothing to be fired up. (you are way too emotional, if these posts 'fire you' up).
No one is asking her to marry him. We are suggesting she meet him and give the meeting a chance, she posts on a public forum seeking opinions, and so we are suggesting. If she doesnt want to hear different opinions, she wont post on a public forum.

She can feel free to ignore our suggestion and pick your suggestion, or pick neither and do something else. Final choice is hers, since its AFTER ALL an online forum this.

 

@Ragini25

Yes, the choice is ultimately OP's. It's unfortunate the pestering alliance doesn't see it this way (according to OP)

I agree, marriage isn't puppy love or college love, but if OP is feeling any negativity to meeting someone, she should just drop it.

Nowadays women have the means to study, to go out of their houses and earn money, they are no longer dependent on a man's income. Women have the right to chose, or not to chose to even meet the person, let alone marry the person.


Unfortunately, lot of people (such as OP's pestering alliance, and many people I've come across) still think the old way, but at the same time, when they are searching for daughter-in-law, are also after her paycheck.


So why wouldn't these things upset me, or any other person who has experienced unpleasant situations?

Because our culture has been structured this way ( the good, the bad, the ugly), I believe that OP has a right to refuse to meet such a person, because already, the odd are stacked AGAINST her favor (a quick check on the Married forums will tell you that), even her mom is telling OP she is getting old, losing her beauty, etc.

And clearly, OP is also upset, she says she "hates her mom". If she wasn't upset, do you think she'd be writing?

And by they way ......
There was once an alliance I really really liked, but he didn't want to meet me, and I was cool with it. Then my dad kept saying that his parents are pressuring him to meet me, and that got me so upset, because what type of people are pressuring their son to meet someone he is not interested in? So it cuts both ways.