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Hating my mom for forcing on matches i don't like. How to avoid this match?

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by ivlakshmi, Sep 16, 2015.

  1. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    We are providing feedback (because she solicited feedback) based on our life experiences. I still believe she should meet him and give it a chance (if otherwise he is a good guy, else its a diff thing). Upto OP to take our suggestion or ignore our experience. Let her read the thread and make her choice, no need for any of us to huff and puff fired up.
     
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  2. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    @Ragini25

    You have a right to believe and advise she should meet the guy, I have a right to "huff and puff" and also give my feedback.
     
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  3. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I think the parents are being insensitive here. It's one thing to tell her that the photo may not show the actual person behind it but quite another to tell her that she isn't looking all that good now so she should settle for less. If they had made their case in a different way, then I'm all for her meeting the guy before deciding either way. Here, she is already being chastised for her expectation, what is the guarantee that they won't keep badgering her later on to marry because they like the guy and looks aren't important etc. Yes, experience has taught us otherwise but when my parents were looking for matches for me, I didn't have this wisdom then. It's ok to have expectations and not ok for parents to shoot it down because that's not what they think is right.
     
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  4. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes, this is what I was trying to express.

    You give an inch, they take a mile

    Well said!
     
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  5. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    OP, I think you should meet the guy. Photos can be deceiving. People can get photos done through professional photographers and then even photo shopped. Also, sometimes people's face is not photogenic but may look fine otherwise.

    At the best, you may find him better, like able and compatible to marry. At the worst, you just wasted your half an hour of time.

    Just get an agreement with your parents that if you think the person is not compatible, then you can reject the person and they will not force you further on this guy.

    Just be careful, don't mention about not liking the appearance of the person as a reason to reject the person. If you do, then you will have parents and others commenting about you. That is just natural.

    In the meantime, work on losing weight, if you think you need to lose weight and focus on yourself as a whole.

    Don't be harsh on the parents, they are worried and are trying to help you settle.
     
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  6. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    I am not able to feel even 5% attraction towards him and on top i am seriously hating him.. Looks alone cannot be the deciding factor but it is also important as marriage involves sex. I spoke to him on call just now and asked him if he can tell my parents that our horoscopes are not matching. After our conversation , he said he will not lie and tell my parents the truth. I am damn scared now. I told him that i will think , decide and tell him by Friday. He seem to be a nice guy but i am not attracted to him in that way.
     
  7. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    Please why are putting the guy in a spot .clear your problems with your
    parents directly .

    this is not good that you are telling him you don't like him but also expect him to help you out.
     
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  8. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    See now you put yourself in a tough spot.


    You could have bluntly and directly told him you are not interested in this alliance and his attention is unwanted.


    God has better plans for you.

    And also, what if another girl wishes to marry this guy for some other reason. There were guys whose profiles I've seem but there picture was so horrible, but because of how they presented their information, etc I was attracted right away.

    So by not standing up and being firm, you are not only depriving yourself of happiness, but think about that other girl who is head over heels in love with the unwanted match.
     
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  9. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Oh boy, why did you involve him and put him in tough spot. Let's put the looks aside for discussion. Is he well educated, well earning, are the parents having good reputation?, does he have many sisters? are the sisters married and in well to do families? does he have a good nature?

    If you follow the married life forum on this site, you will realize all of the above create more problems in a girl's life than looks.

    I personally liked the way he said that he will not lie and speak the truth. I think he loves you. Most men would have rejected you if you told them to lie.

    Not about this specific case, but in general, it is better to marry to a person who loves you rather than marrying the person you love. Looks is important but it doesn't mean that a good looking person is romantic, educated, earning good, caring, or has a good "package". Also, pardon me for saying this but evaluate yourself critically and see if you do have the qualities to attract a good looking, educated, well earning, romantic, caring person.
     
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  10. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    @Akanksha1982,
    I do have the qualities to attract a good looking, educated, well earning, romantic, caring person.Though my parents criticize me , I am quite attractive.
    Not to boast, I have seen guys who are younger to me and far good looking keep staring at me at work. many complemented me that I have the best smile.
    Yes , looks apart he is a good match and I did like the way he communicated it to me. I tried analyzing and have looked at his pics couple of more time and I don't sense feelings. I see him as good person but not as a partner.
    @chennaiexpress - He does not have any one in his life.
    Yes I am feeling bad to put through him in this situation.
    I did tell him that i am not very attracted to him but he was kind of forced me to meet initially.
     

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