welcome to my personal space.

hello all.

i've been a passive reader of this site ever since the sacred bond broke and been in the 'one flew over a cuckoo's nest' state of existence. It isn't exaggeration when i say that i would have been wasted if not for this site and the deliberations that keeps me introspecting.

I tried alcohol, smoking isn't my forte and that perverseness ended for good.

The past is not amenable and the relationship beyond recovery; i've given due attention to arrive at an unbiased opinion for the same.

I've chartered a path of recovery to re-establish the lost glorious life- which i still relive in my memories at despondent times and then brimming with hope at some other times. These inconsistencies! The resolve is firm except that it disappears at times which remind me that the assumed strengths of mine are built on weak fundamentals. One just can't surpass the laws of time.

Everyone here have posted their past, which makes for a good read at bad times, but i want to focus on future, so i regret i cannot go through a retake of the same. I will take it as, i accept the part of my blame and am ready to make amends for the future.

These are miserable times. Ladies and gent, wish me luck such that my presence in this sub-forum is short.

 

The 5 stages of loss and grieving

1) Denial and isolation
2) Anger
3) Bargain
4) Depression
5) Acceptance.


Sourced from the www.

In reality, i am now coming to terms with the reality. That my marriage was a failure. And apart from the denial, isolation, anger and bargain, i now has the urge to move on. No, i didn't transcend these states. I had dwelt more than enough.

Ladies, i had always treated with contempt the inner voice, and let 'maya' engulf with all the worldly charms and deceptions. I am not talking religion. Deep down, he told me this won't work out when the alliance arrived. That the entire world so applauded and celebrated the marriage and 'nothing can go wrong for me' belief systems led me astray.

My next exercise is to find that lost voice and give it a new life. I will listen to him, maybe he has a clue to what to do next.

'what would I have been, had this never happened'
'can i get back to that'
'Really? Is it possible?'

 

I should thank you for writing here, 1st and foremost.

1 Inner voice is nothing paranormal or some weird bird that calls at the opportune times, like in the epics. That part of me which thinks and which doesn't get carried away, i suppose.


2 That u do share with your spouse is something suggesting the strength of the relation.

3 ID is just a namesake. I don't possess the symptoms of D. I did check.

4 Yes, not serious about getting committed again. Some window for reflection and then press reset.

apologies for the lackluster reply. exhausted.

 

i am in a dilemma whether to post a few episodes from the married life(earlier i said i won't) or not. I typed some and then left it as such.

signed
hypocrite

 

@vaidehi71

I think i will go through your other posts here too.

In spite of the rich cultural religion backed brought-up, my coping mechanism(faith) crumbled. In politics, nor-withstanding the shortcomings of democracy as it is practiced world over, we still persist with it for there is no suitable alternative.

And God/fate too is one such construct. One can keep criticizing it day in day out but there's no alternative and the other tangibles don't provide that much needed succor. Like in the Max Payne game, 'no us in this'. I have to go it alone.

Today's an auspicious day. I don't know if 'hindu rate of growth' will suffice, but i would be glad if today is better than yesterday. And recent news from 10% growing China is not good either.