mentally abusive interfaith marriage

ravioli1970 · Aug 22, 2015

i married my husband about 19 yrs ago, have a child and its been a tough life with him. he is paki and i am indian. he is from a good family and so am i. we have been thru a lot but honestly, he is not a very nice person. he constantly tortures me with galis about hindus and gives galis to my family saying they are hindus especially when he gets drunk. he doesnt let them come visit in our house or visits them
i just cant deal with this hatred and abuse anymore. i do work part time as i try to give my child the time and attention that is reqd.
i would like to know the forums opinion if i should quit this marriage and end this torture for ever. what should i do??

lyfsbeautiful · Aug 23, 2015

Your husband's abuse will affect your baby and in future your child will just imitate what he is doing, so I would say give a peaceful and happy life for your child by getting out of this situation.

ravioli1970 · Aug 24, 2015

thank u for suggesting. almost 300 views and not even a single suggestion i was wondering!! yes i do agree but just havent been able to gather the courage for various reasons at various points. its not easy to just quit and start a new life after 20yrs. i feel we indian women r just not raised with that option and just taught to make it work and i feel thats what i have been doing. my teen is sick of this and wants me to quit but i feel financially it wont be the same and the struggles will be there in a different way. i hope i gather the courage to do this as it just doesnt feel right at all

armummy · Aug 24, 2015

If your child sees the abuse and insure that you quit then it is definetly time to quit. You should be entitled to alimony which should make it little easier for your child and you .

Counseling · Aug 24, 2015

You can just leave him and start living with your parents while you continue working. Not necessary to divorce him immediately .

docathome · Aug 24, 2015

Is .marriage COUNSELLING an option? Is he physically abusive n does he speak similarly even when he is not drunkdrunk? Is he an alcoholic? What kind of a father and husband is he? I guess the reason you are double minded is that he has some redeeming qualities..

If he does, try n make your marriage work but if you r sticking on only for fear of society, its time to free yourself..

crap · Aug 24, 2015

ravioli 19 years in not a easy joke to live together while you hate the person. I reallly understand it as my family is similar to this for 25 years . may i kno one thing.just close your eyes and recollect any positives he has towards you or your child and words that he has uttered positive or any help he does for you.
if u rem anything please reply here
i have something to say

SGBV · Aug 26, 2015

If you really don't like the person you are married to, and the marriage to be in, and also your child is sure that you should quit, I think that is the best option right now. Don't fool yourself citing society as an excuse. The same society wouldn't have accepted your inter-faith marriage in the past either. So, make a decision based on what suits you best.

Don't divorce him immediately. Take the first move to be financially independent. Not sure how old your child is... If he/she is old enough to be independent, then it is time for you to look for a better job.
Make new friends, and create your own circle of people
Once you feel that you are independent, and courageously move on with life, then take the next step.
That is to separate him.
Take your child, and go out from his nest.
Lodge a legal complaint, so that you are entitle to his maintenance payment.
That will suffice your financial need together with whatever you earn

Don't jump for divorce as your initiation might affect the alimony amount. So, wait till he initiates the same.
No man would want to pay maintenance all his life. So after a while, he would initiate the divorce. This way, your chance of getting a good alimony is high.

Get some legal counselling through a qualified lawyer in the meantime regarding your next move.

Also, ensure whose name the family properties are in... Your child shouldn't be neglected from his inheritance.

Btw, reunite with all your relatives, including parents and siblings. Always invest on a better relationship with them, so that they can be a great backup for your child's security during unforeseen dark days.

jaden · Aug 26, 2015

Dear OP,

Would like to know if he is an alcoholic??Hows your relationship when he isnt drunk?When he is sane does he still abuse you (verbally or physically).Why i am asking this is i have dealt with alcoholic FIL,what i found is he is totally a separate person when he isnt drunk.What helped him was therapy and counselling.He has now quit alcohol and is somewhat more likeable than before.

tashidelek2002 · Aug 27, 2015

OP:
Not giving any advice about whether you should stay or go based on so little information, but PLEASE if you decide to leave consult a lawyer in your state about it and do NOTHING until you get the lawyer's advice. Many comments come on this forum based on Indian or other country's laws but that can make you a big problem here in USA. If you leave the house, your husband may be able to say you have abandoned and legally you will get a much worse situation financially and otherwise. There will also be child custody issues and many more issues. Consult a lawyer first.