Lost on all fronts

Joyoflife · Jul 19, 2015

Cheenu I have a lot to write, but I do not have time right now. I will get back to u in the evening. Do not think of divorce. Do not throw your marriage because of an insecured mother and husband who does not know how to maintain balance, it's not worth it.When you have cooled down enough txt him that you didn't want to leave home, but you really needed some time alone to clear your head. take charge of your life. Do not involve parents in it , not even his mother keep it strictly in between you and him.

MalStrom · Jul 19, 2015

beingloved said: ↑

But.. i can understand that being child of single mom, he's going to be extra protective and caring for his mom (definitely should not be at cost of wife's comfort and convenience). Try to be in his shoes and think that its very difficult to mentally support a single parent (in their age). The mind is always heavy by thinking about the happy times the family had seen together.
If you'd agreed to this match, then should have kept this factor in mind. IMO, your issues are small and can be solved with mutual, adult conversation.
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I am married to an only child. My recently widowed MIL lives on her own thousands of miles away. In her seventies,she is able to manage and in fact is not interested in moving in with us despite our urging. She and I have had our differences, but she has never interfered in our married life, and my DH always sticks up for me when necessary.
In this case the husband does not seem to be making even a minimal effort for his wife. The MIL's dramas are only pouring gas on the flames. There seems to be no effort to welcome the OP as a member of the family. Is it worth spending a whole lifetime like this?

amunique · Jul 19, 2015

No, you are not lost as long as you have a job.
be independent on all fronts first then think about this marriage temporary seperation is ok. dont think of decisions while standing in the middle...

i am not blindly giving this out.. got married in march 2015... now m in my parents house for all the same reasons you stated. ..

moreover i dont have a job ... and am on the lookout for the same. keeping fingers crossed...

be calm is the word... nothing is permanent

Joyoflife · Jul 19, 2015

Op ignore my previous message, I was in rush I did not read the whole thread. He seems really insensitive, he should have been be definately by your side during your dads illness. Some men do not need a wife they just need a care taker for their parents.

Give yourself enough time to sort your feelings out. During this time think hard that do you really want to be with him, other than these fights do you have any special moments with him. Wait and see if he calls all this time will answer a lot of your questions and concerns.

hopefully if he calls meet him outside, look into his eyes and speak your mind to him. Do tell him how hurt you are by him being really insensitive to you when your dad was really sick. The way he responds to will tell you what you should do next.

and by the way during this time if you happen to meet your mother in law ask if she really loves her son. If she says yes then ask her if really loves her son then why is she ruining her sons marriage.

yellowmango · Jul 19, 2015

Op ,if he is so insensitive to your father's illness, he has no moral right to expect you to be sensitive to his mother's needs.

You can tell him his mom is his problem from now on and he can deal with her dramas without involving you.

cheenu123 · Aug 5, 2015

Dear Friends,

I have an update to share. After staying at my parents for around 3 weeks, I am back with my hubby. My dad intervened this time. He called my hubby and told him that as an adult, he has to sort out this thing, and can't keep on escaping matters which has led to such nasty scenarios. My hubby then said that he would like to speak to me and my parents face to face. We all met and had a long discussion. My hubby admitted that he has been wrong at many places and that along with me, he would like to work on this marriage.
Cutting short, everything is calm at the moment but I have learnt a lesson. I will not depend on my hubby for small small things now, neither will I make him a one point source for my happiness. MIL is strangely calm this time since my mother told her very firmly that my daughter can't be taken for a ride, she too deserves to be equally respected in her household. Me and hubby are trying to burn our bridges by spending a lot of time together.
I hope things work out.
Thanks to all of you for being there.

BDivya · Aug 5, 2015

happy for u @cheenu123.. me too in same situation like urs, only difference is that i have not left the place... still putting up with nonsense... don have the courage to do so.. same set of probs i also have.. dunno how to deal with it.. really frustrated..