Embracing your loneliness.

Thanks for writing this up. Somehow i don't get the motivation to express it.

I infer that reading a lot and writing a few should help.

 

Sorry about your life of loneliness! But good write up

 

It was an excellent write up. But unfortunately it is very demotivating!

Why do you think a women should feel empty about her life just because she is divorced?

Two of my best buddies were divorcees too. They work with me. They are the examples I always take to myself whenever I am down or depressed.
Of course they lack support. That's exactly what makes them busy and active all the time. It is good, in a way they are left with no free time to be idle and to analyze their past.

Life is a race. We all run to reach whatever the desired destinations. During the race we can get injured, struggles, anxieties. But we have to run to win/complete the race.
Just because our ankle is hurt, doesn't mean I can rest or someone else can run for my place.
If I am to win, i will have to run - no matter what.

Life is also the same. You must life to be happy and successful.

Even my 65 year old widowed mom doesn't feel empty or loneliness as you. Rather she lives her life.

What are your suggestions about planting trees, and enjoying nature... As if you are already reached an enlightenment like a Buddha.

Why can't you go for a movie, get yourself active in FB, go for shopping, get a spa done, cook a special meals, get someone from your friends group to taste it.

If you feel lonely at your home, get someone to share the house with you.
Reach out to new friends, meet new people, learn a new language.
Utilize whatever the free time to excel in your career.

Update each and every success you see in life on social media. Feel special when your posts and pictures receive likes and comments.

It is definitely NOT brave to separate, but it takes real braveness to face the life after separation.

 

Dear OP

I think you seriously know what you have to do to regain that lost cheer. IT is evident in the last paragraphs. But don’t know what is stopping you. GET UP, Girl… Go for it.

Do something new, be a master in all you do whether it is excising, doing cooking or partying. Just love what you are doing. Don’t forget to smile and spread happiness. May be God has a better plan for you.. go and find it girl, stay strong and be blessed.

 

A more philosophical question - what exactly is "win/complete" in life? And why is life a race? Just a question. Life itself is a mystery (with various theories that souls are reborn and journey continues across re-births etc) - true or not, but what is the race and what is the win?

Life is inherently unpredictable, and we dont know if we or our loved one is even alive tomorrow. So I dont think its even close to a race.

 

If you disagree with what i have written above, fair enough.. It is your perception about life.
For me, living in idle and thinking about what we don't have, yet feeling like a looser before even entering into any race/fight is a complete waste of life. But this is me.. I write what I believe in. It is up to the OP, or any viewer to agree or disagree!.

OP has separated from her H due to a reasonable reason. This is not end of life. She should wake up, and start running - I mean start living! JMO

 

Dear Swetha,

You seem to be a great writer. completely completely agree with your emotions.
Based on what you have gone through in your life, you have suggested and expressed your emotions.

your post is very realistic. you have considered IL ladies to know what your inner feelings are so you have put them here.I am sure some ladies here doesn't agree and kind of pointing fingers at you for being sad.
But what they have to realize is, you expressed your emotions which doesnt mean you are always sad and crying.
Its obvious someone to start feeling concious if someone is gossipping about them.
i myself had severe fights with husband and some of my relatives got to know, i used to feel if they are talking something abt me.
Its not easy and not everyone had the weird mentality of putting fake happiness pics on facebook and pretend to be happy and great. if a person is behaving like that with friends, family then it is nothing but fake. coz no human being will feel happy after having a breakup.

In the first 8 paragraphs you wrote what a separated person feels which shows your true inner side. I completely agree your emotions not that i am encouraging you to feel sad but felt like appreciating for taking away your ego and expressing your feelings. Then you told what they should realize and start working on.
I had a very best friend at work, she was single divorce and no kids. I read your previous posts so mostly like your situation.
Your post reminded her, she would talk like you, keep thinking sometimes about past, what was done wrong , how she faced the life with abusive husband. she told everything with no ego and i used to console her. I started liking her so much for expressing all her feelings to me and not faking with me.
I used to tell her that she will marry her boyfriend and life will be happy. i miss her she moved another state
but she used to get upset when her mom used to force her to marry aged guys from matrimony. finally she married her boy friend and has a beautiful daughter today. i am so happy for her.

Bad times do end, and good times follow. so have faith in god.
You are a very sweet person and will definitely be happy.

 

@ SGBV,

May be you havent read the entire post of OP. she is working and doing many things which she even suggested.
of course for a person living all alone does feel lonely which she expressed openly.

we should console her and appreciate for being so strong. But not talk as if she is doing something wrong.

 

@ SGBV,

See the below which OP wrote. i think you missed reading this.

She is so brave, to say not to expect from family and not to expect sympathy from anyone.
she is fighting her battle alone, unlike your mom who has your entire family, and also your siblings etc.



You cannot expect every other person to be empathetic because you have a troubled marriage.
The real braveness starts in accepting the failure. Yes it is. But that does not stop you from being happy. You can and you should. You must feel righteous to wear beautiful dresses and spend on your fitness. It is unfair and unrealistic to expect parents, siblings and friends to give you more attention and time. No they won’t.

You make your time for yourself. Sadly in many parts of India, women do not actually know what to do alone.

Libraries- The best place to be you. Books have the enigmatic capability to empower you and enlighten you. Cuddle this bundle of knowledge.

Pets- Nothing more like the pets. You know you can truly rely on them/

Greens. - Nature has been introduced in desktop wallpapers. Soil your hands and pluck the first fruit of your sweat. You will know what happiness is.

Professional Growth: In India. Almost 80% women get married between 24-26. That is when they are at the peak of their career. You must be in your early 30’s or late 20’s. Best time to work on creating an identity professionally. It would be enormously challenging to be alone and answer all odd questions of friends. Never the less, work in your career. Do your Masters. Learn languages, Drive around. Learn Swimming. Learn Yoga. Learn to stitch your salwars. Learn embroidery or painting. Start blogging.

And finally, stop thinking about the same old circle of family; You have so many in this world, who are living a tough life much to your dismay. Look at the specially disabled. Orphans. Old aged abandoned. Poor and needy. Under privileged. Illiterates. Labours. So many of them around who can benefit the time you have.
Spend time with them. Talk to them. Lot of blind schools encourages people to come and read a book. The old age homes will make you understand what love is. Try it.

It is unwise to crib about the past and fumble with the future by simply complaining and whining. No. Nothing will change. Don’t expect over night miracles. Embrace the fact that you are lonely and enjoy the new found freedom. There is no point in whining on the “have not’s”. Start appreciating the “haves”.

If there is somebody who can make you happy, it is you. Stay detached with everything and everyone. That way you do not expect anything from them. And always remember you do not need sympathy. As you are just another normal person who can face life with a smile.